Well, it is Tuesday morning and I'm back at work. I took yesterday off. Had a great weekend with my wife. No relationship talk. Only OM talk came
Sat morning when I went out with DD's and forgot my wallet. When I came back W was in bedroom on phone. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was calling our daughter in Fla. She got a little angry and said I don't have to worry about her calling OM. I took it well and just said that she never told me she had stopped calling OM so I assume she is. She said she calls him sometimes but not this morning and not the second I leave the house.<p>Long story short: I'm really getting nothing from my W other than her presence. She doesnt want to address relationship, or A, or where OM fits in her life. I believe she does not trust me enuf to reveal her inner feelings to me. Time will tell.<p>Lurked in a chat room Sun nite where OM was talking about his "soulmate" (my wife) and how he doesnt get to see her or talk to her much anymore. How he misses her terribly. How he'll wait for her forever. Others in room (Life During Divorce) thought he was a jerk for getting involved with married woman. OM appears to think that my W will ultimately leave me when kids are gone. That's 5 yrs at least! One guy told OM he'd be waiting forever, and OM said "wanna bet?" (what a loser)<p>It hurt me to be reminded that there is another man out there who loves my W and she still talks to him (maybe sees him too). I want this @#$%$#@ out of my life!<p>Regarding my W- the hardest part is getting nothing back. But many on this board have gone alot longer than me-so I should feel blessed.
3 months ago my wife was ready to walk into OM's arms forever. 3 months later, she is telling me she'll never leave me and allowing me to love her.
Who knows what the next 3 months can do! I have set May 1st as an evaluation date. I will continue on the no A talk, no OM talk, no LB's until then. We are going on a marriage retreat 4/26-4/28. After that, I will evaluate where my W is and if there has been no real effort on her part to work at marriage I plan to address it with a major talk about our future.<p>As much as I still hurt, feel empty, and cry out for my needs to be met (affection and SF at top of list) I feel with the help of you people on this board that I am moving towards ultimate recovery and thus I am a success.

Hi Boppo,<p>I'd certainly be patient for a while... her saying that she's not going to leave is better than most of us here get. Of course, you can't wait forever, so it is good that you've set an evaluation date.<p>If you get to that date and figure that things aren't where they should be, you might want to talk to someone like a SH to get a plan in place. I.e. just having a major "talk" with her might be effective - or it might not. There are other options too, as I've recently learned. I've been given an "assignment" by both SH and my IC/MC to go talk to OM, for example. And we're starting to seriously talk about Plan B now.<p>The last bit of info I've been able to glean from WW: She's still totally "in love" with OM. Her biggest fear is in leaving me and not wanting to ever return! Pardon? Does that make ANY sense to you? (You'd think she'd be happy in that situation, so why should she fear it?? I'll tell you why... it isn't her REAL fear. Her REAL fear is that she'll go, it won't be everything she hoped for, she'll want to come back, and it'll be too late! But that explanation casts a poor light on her and OM's R, so she can't use it as a valid fear in her mind. Hey, I'm starting to understand this %$#@! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ) Fog like pea soup. We too have not had any R or M talk for a long time, at least any that I've entertained for long. I can't do it in a constructive way without her help, and it just isn't there. So don't think you're alone in that department!

JR Thanks for your reply. My wife has never discussed her R with OM in any shape or form. I actually am thankful that she hasn't given me any details and often regret finding out so many details by snooping (i.e. that she loves him-that he pleases her sexually, that he makes her feel like a woman, etc.)<p>For any OM out there: why do you stay in contact with a MW when you know there is little chance they will leave their marriage? Are you actively hoping for a failed marriage, so you can pick over the scraps??? Or are you just getting sex??
Or are you just naive or stupid?<p>I wonder how long it will take for my wife's OM to give up waiting. Because I WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON LOVING MY WIFE and MAKING MYSELF A BETTER HUSBAND so my wife is going nowhere!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>We are going on a marriage retreat 4/26-4/28. After that, I will evaluate where my W is and if there has been no real effort on her part to work at marriage I plan to address it with a major talk about our future. <hr></blockquote><p>I still see an element of control in this... set yourself free... don't expect... let it happen! (just like when you and WW were dating). ENJOY your life... <p>I know how you feel... but I also know what happened when I let go... <p>Also... what work are you doing for YOU? Counseling? Reading? Other Support?<p>Boppo I see so many parallels between our situations... down to what our spouses are saying and doing and our timelines...<p>You will be Blessed.
Let God do His work.<p>Cali