I read alot here about backing off from WS during plan A and then WS will come towards BS. This makes sense when WS is H, because H often has the pursuer role in marriage. But I think nature of affairs is very different between men and women (as Harley says) and often men who pursued sexual A will try to pursue BW when she backs off out of guilt.<p>My W fell hopelessly into infatuation with OM-it was her who first said "I love you" to him-she pursued him-she has never pursued me.<p>12 1/2 weeks after d-day, A is winding down due to W's choice. I am working a Plan A that started rocky, but has settled consistently into everyday existence. No passion-no excitement-definitely no pursuit. <p>But here's my question: Will a WW pursue her BH after she has A and then ends A? Or isn't it the man's role to be the pursuer? I'm afraid my wife will be perfectly happy and lazy with me giving her what she needs and our marriage will never "sizzle". Or I'm afraid that if I back off too much my wife will just walk, and never pursue me?<p>Advice please.

Boppo... get yourself a copy of Divorce Remedy... Weiner-Davis has some excellent steps to becoming the 'pursued' and to help you stop being the pursuer...<p>Cali

Hey Boppo!
I've kept up with your posts from a lurking stand point. Check out my update from Feb. 27. My WW has started to show signs of pursuing me! Not to the extent us BS's would want, but it is a start.<p>I don't post much, so you'll have to search for my user name. Again, Feb. 27 was the last reply to my post.<p>Let me know if I can help!<p>Gib

Boppo...<p>here's Gibby's post:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=015946<p>Cali

Boppo,<p>I'm not sure you can generalize the matter, but if it helps, here's what I saw. I don't know if it's a norm or not, but here it is.<p>My former WW turned around BIG when I got to the point that I accepted the fact that we were splitting up divorce was eminent. I was plan Aing in a big way. But when she filed for divorce I was devastated. I gave up. I couldn't believe she'd filed, couldn't believe any of this was happening. But it was. So, I told myself that I had given it all I could, I was (am) a better person for it and that I have to find the good in this awful situation and move on. It wasn't part of any plan other than emotional survival. I took my ring off. I didn't want to wear it anymore because it stood for "a never ending commitment" or in our case (at the time and from my perspective) it stood for something that didn't exist, for something that was a lie.<p>Well, just about the time I moved on, she took notice, in a big way. I'm not sure what all went through her head, or even if it was my changed focus that affected her. I'm sure she'll be along soon to tell you that. But in any case, our roles did change. Before she filed, I was doing everything I could to get her to see me and the changes I'd made. She just look the other way. After she filed, I moved on and she ended up asking me if there was a way to put our marriage back together (which we did!).