Well, a couple of weeks ago a deputy sheriff came to my house to serve me with divorce papers. Not a pleasant experience. I actually felt bad that I didn't invite the guy into my house, but I wasn't feeling particularly happy to see him, considering.<p>According to the rules of the game in Florida, he is a resident and can divorce me for no particular reason. I don't even have to respond and it will just go through.<p>Since there is no reason to contest, I am simply waiting to get the court decision, which will come within the next few weeks.<p>For those of you who don't know me, I am one of those you would consider an old-timer. Been here since October 1998, a month after finding out that my husband had been cheating on me with Jabba the Hut's twin sister (the "slug") for probably 2 years at that point. I immediately began Plan A, even though he was moving out and did so in November of that year. We did many things together after he moved out, including a two week vacation to Florida and South Carolina. We got along wonderfully, and I had a lot of hope. But the slug latched on tight and wasn't letting go, and I know that my husband is weak. Still, it has taken him this long to actually make the final move toward divorce.<p>I still love the man I married, but the man that is divorcing me barely resembles him anymore. Small solace, but it helps.<p>He and slug are still together - but for how long is anyone's guess. My understanding is that he wants to move out west and she wants to move back here (lucky me, huh?). If she does, I will laugh, because she will have gotten her just desserts.<p>I still believe in marriage, but, unfortunately, I am much more cynical about men. I am in no hurry to find another one just yet.<p>Marriage Builders has been my savior and my "home" for the past three plus years. It's a wonderful place with much to offer. The techniques didn't work for me, but they do work. Unfortunately, couples without children are less likely to succeed with any marriage saving plan. It's just the way it is.

Terri, sometimes life just plain SUX. I learned this term from my teenagers [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] I gather that you've kept a stiff-upper lip during this time away from your hubby. Do not think that all of your good intentions and efforts were for naught because you've grown, emotionally, towards being a better YOU and that is a huge accomplishment. Despite the outcome of your relationship with your H, you can take comfort in the fact that you tried your damnest to repair the broken seams of your marriage. Do not let all the knowledge that you gained be forgotten. Use this to your utmost advantage.<p>I had to laugh at your mention of Jabba the Hut. I have a dear friend who used this term in describing a mutual acquaintance and I have always wondered where she got this term. I can still picture the person to whom this term was referenced and know, without a doubt, that Jabba was UGLY. Who the heck is Jabba? Curious minds gotta' know......<p>[ March 12, 2002: Message edited by: GeezLouise ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by GeezLouise:
<strong> Who the heck is Jabba? </strong><hr></blockquote><p>The huge blob-worm-like creature in Star Wars movies. You HAVE to know who it is!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

Sorry to hear that things didn't turn out the way you wanted them too. As much as I hoped, tried, and prayed I am now a divorced single mother on welfare. It looks a lot worse than it feels though. <p>We did our best, and that is all that we can do. One day Jabba's twin and Bimbette will get theirs, and I only hope that for some reason I get to hear about it.<p>We will find someone else to love (who will love us back in a marvelous way), and even if you aren't looking for it, I know it will happen. We are good people, and there is someone out there who is just waiting to love us to pieces and make us happy princesses.<p>You're right, MB is a pretty cool place. You should come over and hang out on the Divorcing/Divorced board. There are some great supports over there that are getting on with things wonderfully.<p>Elizabeth

Dear Terri,<p>I could not let a post by you get by without a note from me. I am sorry it has come to this stage in your life but I know you will make things better for Terri. <p>Your time at MB have not been unfruitful. You helped me soooo much, I can't thank you enough. At times, I go back and read your posts and almost cry. You were so straight, kind and patient with me. <p>Please Terri, never change that part of your personality. You are a beautiful woman who deserves to be treated well. Don't settle for less and when you do find someone, let us know. We'll stress test him for U. K? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care,
L.

Jabba the Hut (the one on the right, naturally):<p>http://www.zianet.com/prolifer/isaac/StarWars/pics/hanjabba.jpg

Hi terri!<p>Take your time recovering from this, and try to enjoy this upcoming spring as much as you can. You're always in my prayers.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

terri,<p>so sorry, know you didn't want this ending but I am hoping you are finding peace now that there is an ending.

Ah, Terri. You are wonderful. You are my hero. You are an inspiration. Your Plan A was great. Your H makes me shake my head and you deserve the best.<p>I'm thinking salt. You know the rain in Florida is salty...probably why she wants to move.<p>Much love to you.

Hi terri, join the club.<p>I wish you well, but I don't think you'll need it.<p>Please have faith that there are some decent guys out there.<p>Dave

Terri,<p>Remember that you are a survivor and although your marriage didn't survive YOU DID.
Yes the techniques worked for you as a person and you will be more ready for any relationship you enter into in the future.<p>Much love
{{{{{{{{{Terri}}}}}}}}<p>Nicole<p>P.S. ROFLMAO at Lor and the salt comment...(took me a minute to put slug and salt together though...I must be pretty dense). [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Teri,
Even though I hate divorce and am not getting over mine as fast or as much as I like the one thing that I found is that once the divorce is final your attention does ease a bit from the situation. You will get more in the groove of who you are as a person. I believe because I have read everything you have written since you landed here that your future is a bright one. My opinion and wish is that the next time your husband comes to town for a visit he will not even recognize you. Because when he left I am sure he left with the thought that he controlled your heart. When he returns he will find that you control your heart and your life. Futures so bright... gotta wear shades... plus summer is at hand...
Mike [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

GeezLouise: Thanks for the response - I do feel that all of my time at MB and the things I learned here are of immense value to me in all aspects of my life. I have grown and improved almost beyond recognition according to some people I've known for a while.<p>I hope you got a good look at the picture of Jabba the Hut that Eddystone posted a link to. Now imagine that wallowing and oozing and you have a good picture of what the slug is like. I am not being mean ... welllll, maybe just a little! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>justthewife: I am sorry to hear of your misfortune. I have always been grateful that we had no children who would be affected by this mess. And I'm happy to hear that you have such a great attitude about things. I'm sure that someday someone marvelous WILL enter our lives and I only hope that we all know how to recognize those people when they DO.<p>Orchid: I have to admit that patience was something that my situation taught me... before my life was so ... disrupted ... I had the patience of an infant. And the emotional stability of a pubescent teenager. Not a great combination, and pretty much a disaster in a relationship. I am proud that I got myself under control and I have always been grateful for the opportunity to help people. I am learning still how to communicate effectively, and, hopefully, by the time someone special is there for me, I'll have the skills I need to make the relationship incredibly rewarding.<p>K: I can't even begin to express how much I appreciate everything you've ever said to me and to others. I know you aren't Steve Harley [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] , but you ARE the epitome of Marriage Builders. And I hope that all of the good - the help and support you've given me and others - will return to you one hundred-fold.<p>Sing: I wish all of us had gotten the endings we wanted. I hope things are going well for you and your sons.<p>Lor: Funny, I would say the same about you. You have been such an important influence on me - I guess you didn't know that, hmm? And salt would be wonderful...<p>worthatry: Thanks for the vote of confidence. And I expect that the cynicism will decline some over time. Meantime, I have to admit it is sometimes entertaining to enter into the sexist arguments with my male coworkers!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Patient Love: Thank you for the hugs. I know that things have been difficult for you, too - so you know what being a survivor is all about!<p>mkn: I am hoping that what you say is true. It is time for me to get on with living. Divorce stinks, but I have the pride of knowing that I gave it everything I had to give. And I hope that your prediction of a bright future is accurate for me! Maybe I'd better get a new pair of sunglasses, huh? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] As for my husband, I have adopted the outlook that it is HIS loss. His choice, his loss.<p>Thank you all so much for the responses. I'm getting my confidence back a little at a time, and the warmth, strength and support I've gotten from the people I've met here has been an incredible gift. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world - we all do.<p>I'll be around - reading, mostly... don't have a whole lot of time to post these days. Maybe sometime I'll have happier news to post... you can be sure this is one of the first places I'll share with!<p>Love to all,