Just to bring you up to speed. My wife (WS) had an emotional affair with her coworker. He left the company in Decemeber. As far as I know she has had no contact with him since then. She has not choosen to work on the marriage. She wants out, she wants her independance, she wants to date other people, she is unhappy, etc.. We are both going to counseling but we do this seperately. Currently she has been living in the other room for about three weeks. We are in a in house seperation situation. She does her thing I do mine and no questions asked.
Here is the part I am having a hard time with. My wife spends a lot of time with her coworkers at work, but she also spends a lot of time with her coworkers after work. Every Wednesday they go to a bar after work and they socialize and drink. This would be cool if it was for about an hour. But it is from any where from 3-6 hours. They get there around 6:00 p.m. and she comes home any time after 9:00 p.m. The funny part is she tells me she is working late to catch up on work. Sad to say I can track where she has been in her car.
I know I don't control my wife. I know I can't make her do anything. But I am just tired and hurt from her choosing to do all these things while the marriage is just being put on hold. The relationship to her is just crap and no effort on her part to work on it.
The part that makes me even more uncomfortable is most of her coworkers are males. So she put herself in a situation once to get involved now I am thinking there might be another time she will do the same.
Personally I feel like talking to her coworkers and saying hey my marriage with my wife is for crap and you aren't making it any better. But my counselor is right, my wife chooses to do these things. My wife could tell them no and not go out.
So how do I deal with it? I don't say anything to hear but to be honest it does bother me. I act like it doesn't bother me but when she is out drinking and having a good old time while I have been trying in the marriage. Well I guess you can say it just gets under my skin by her actions.
Don't get me wrong I don't sit at home alone. I do and workout. I go shopping for clothes. I go for a ride in the car. I do a lot of things. No matter what I do I always have a second to think and that is when it hurts.<p>Any advice that might help???<p>Thanks...

I hate to tell you this but it sounds to me like an affair is happening here. Spending time after work with co-workers? My ex used to do this. People who are happily married come home to their spouses when the work day is over.<p>Also, she's sleeping in another room. My ex did that too. As a matter of fact, he used to lock the door and his OW would call him on his cell phone at night. Then, she would call to wake him up in the a.m. It was gross.<p>Personally, I wish I had kicked him out as soon as I found out about the affair. I was just too weak and afraid. He was miserable being married to me and we are finally divorced.<p>Sorry that you are going through this. Keep coming here though. I sure wish I had had some of the great advice of this board at the beginning of my separation. I might still have a husband if I had.<p>Love
BB

I thought you were my H posting, 4 years ago. This is when I was having my EA/PA. The A was with my boss. We had many evenings out w/ all the co-workers and I would stay after work to get in those conversations.<p>Don't know if that is the case with your W, I am not there with her, but this has A written all over it. You need to talk with her - with no LB's - however, I doubt you will get a truthful answer. The communication is non-existent in your household and it seems that it needs to start. Again, with no LB's on your part.<p>Think about this for awhile. The A may not be happening, it is just that it could.