I am WS,I had affair with woman on internet and W found out from searching history on our computer, having been through everything that we have been through I highly recommend to anyone thinking of or participating in an extramarital affair to STOP! Our marriage is destroyed and all for a few minutes of pleasure. After she found out she asked me to leave and filed restraining order, after 2 months she moved out of the house, and I have moved back in the house, during that time she didnt want me coming to church, actually she wanted me to leave the church and the pastor after my confession, of what I done, said that as long as we keep it legal to do what God leads me to do. I decided to stay at the church, I am a musician in the choir and my wife sings alto as well. I did have the opportunity to give her a letter and she basically said that it was not real and didnt believe me. I have repented and stopped contact with OW, wife will not speak to me at all, and has said that I gave her the out that she needed because she felt that I did not love her. We did separate 2 years ago and at that time she moved in with a man that she dated before she met me, we both had not joined church at the time even though she was saved at the time. I am very sorry, embarrased, humilated and humbled by what has happened and am glad that the sin is out of my life, I want my W back but she is totally pro divorce at this time, she has quoted Matthew 5:28 as her out, I understand, but am not giving up yet, she also took everything that meant anything to me when she moved because when she filed the order I could not get in to get my personal items, she said that she is forgiven because she had a right to take them because it was a result of the consequences of my bad choices and decisions, I consider it stealing, I still love and forgive her for it because I can get more things, she said that she is glad to have her friends back and is lacking for nothing, and has peace and joy in her life, for which I am glad. She wants to file income taxes as married however wants me to jump through hoops to do it, and does not want to actually do anything put sign the forms in church, and have the money go to her bank account, I being the person that I am want to do it, however, have I not paid for my sins to her, I have admitted apologized and asked for forgiveness, she said that she would forgive me in her and Gods time not mine, and that she is going to file for divorce because she has the right, Please any body out there thinking of or doing the extramarital thing STOP! Its a dead end if you love your spouse! Since she has not filed any body out there think there is any hope for this marriage?
D-Day 1/8/2
Moved out 1/8/02
Married 2/28/98
My 2nd marriage
Her 3rd marriage
She committed adultery in 2nd marriage husband divorced her and filed restraining order against her
I have 11 year old son
She has 21 year old son and 19 year old daughter
No kids together
I am 39
She is 39 <p>Update:
We have had email communication for the last week, however she is adamant about the divorce, and told me today that she already had her next husband picked out, and that I have no right to my personal property because of the adultery, that I should leave the relationship empty handed, I will continue to tell her that God hates divorce until the divorce papers are filed and final, what can I do let her I know that I have changed if she wont let me get close to her?

wow... I have no idea what to tell you. Anyone else have any ideas?<p>Bumped for you.

Her already having her next H picked out sets bells off, especially with her prior history of adultery.<p>In any case, Plan A is all I can think of, and you may want to incorporate some or all of the Last Resort Technique from The Divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner-Davis.<p>I personally would not make a big deal about the personal property unless those material things are more important to you than your M. If it gets to court, most states consider property obtained before the marriage, after the separation and received via inheritance as separate property and not part of the community property settlement, so I'd just table that issue until it comes up in court.<p>I think your best bet is to remember the times when the two of you got along and when your W was attracted to you and get back to the person you were then. Emphasize those qualities that attracted your W to you before. I would definitely stop preaching to her or referring to God or the Bible. If she is saved and owns a Bible, that can be left to God and others she is more likely to "hear". Coming from you, it probably just irritates her and makes her feel justified in what she's doing because in her eyes what you did is so much worse--know what I mean?<p>Keep praying and reading all you can on this website and Dr. Harley's books. Court your W. Don't grovel and don't condemn.

Was this online affair just online? This part sounds familiar to me! When we first got the computer and ventured online people started talking to me and try to start things. I did become close to someone online but I never took it to the extreme. I thought is was plain and innocent fun at the time. My WH thought otherwise but never really expressed that to me. He would even tell me that he did not mind who I talked to. What he did was try and use it against me to justify his own actions and yes he did meet his OW online but quickly became offline.<p>Do you think WW was in affair already before your online fling? With her history I would not be surprised at all. She does not sound like she wants to be committed to a long term relationship. <p>You appoligized and asked for forgiveness and are willing to work on marriage. It sounds like she wants to keep the door open by not forgiving you at the moment. There is always hope.