I left my H and had an affair with a younger guy... That was mistake #1. I allowed this younger guy to get close to my 6 yr old daughter... That was mistake #2. This guy ended up abusing me verbally and psychologically and I left him. When my daughter asked about him (I was told my my counselor to tell her the truth) I told her that he scared me and he was mean to me and he hurt me and I didnt want him around me anymore. She said "well what if he gets another girlfriend and doesnt want you anymore?" i told her that this would be a good thing and she started to cry stating that he wouldnt want to be with her anymore either. I feel like dirt. I know I messed up. I just want to know (I hope anyway) that i am not the only one to do this...and i want to know how to make it ok with her.
I am back with her dad now trying to work on things...it seems to be going ok...we have a lot to go through...but that is another story.
If anyone has any ideas of how I can help my daughter understand, please let me know...and if I felt any worse right now, i would need probably want to die.<p>Sad mom.

Have you told her you were wrong? Have you told her and SHOWN her that you will do everything in your power to make things right? You are her role model for life. You have to constantly remind yourself of that. The choices you make, etc. are choices she may follow in adulthood. Do you want that kind of legacy?<p>I don't quite know where to go with this one, because my kids didn't know about my A until afterwards. They were also much older. This doesn't make the situation, okay, by a long shot. I had to have countless discussions with my children and my H, that I was soooo wrong. I am showing them that I am sorry and I'm doing everything in my power to prove it.<p>Also, does your H know about your A? When you say you are working on things, does this mean a recovery from your A? I'm very glad that you are in IC. I was for a year and it really helped me see the light.<p>We don't ever want our children to see our faults, but if they do, we have to make it up to them any way we can. The last thing I want to see in my elder years, is that my child is in therapy because of his dysfunctional parents. You have the power to turn this around. You can do it. It is alot of hard work, but you, your children, and your H are worth it - I'm sure.

kim, yes i told her i was wrong and that i was sorry for her pain. My H knows everything. I posted on emotional needs site..'having affair...need help' that tells that story. <p>The reason for posting this is that i dont know how to show her or how to make it better for her. I was honest and truthful and she saw the pain when i told her how wrong i was and that confused her also cause she doesnt want me to be unhappy and that developed into explaining it was my own fault i was unhappy cause i hurt her by what i did but i just dont know if talking to her makes it better...along with not doing it again of course. Anyone else been in this position? What did you do?

My daughter who was much older, could barely speak to me for months after she found out. My son, still needed Mom in his life at the time, so he was much more afraid of loosing "Mom" than anything else.<p>It was the hard work and SHOWING them that changed our relationship. How we are, as Mom and kids, is even better today than it ever was. I think it is because they saw that Mom can make a HUGE mistake and that she showed us how to make amends for it? Don't know, but that is what I am talking about - the hard work.<p>We have talked about the A openly in conversation and my daughter comes to me all the time with issues in dating, in which a friend cheats, etc. My son talks about friends of his in which a parent had an A. They are now aware that it is all around them - sadly. But, they feel safe that we are strong today and made it through this crisis.<p>Your daughter is much to young to have discussions like this. It is great though, that you have told her what she DOES understand, and that is "I'm sorry". Now, all you can do is the little baby steps everyday, by showing her and being the best role model of a mother imagineable. <p>Hopefully, someone else will pipe in too. Good luck to you!