My whole story is in a thread called "Affairs that don't end...confused..help" if you want more background.<p>But here's the situation: Wife having an EA for over a year, DDay was 7 months ago, lies, deception, etc. has been the norm. The A has not ended, she doesn't even acknowledge it because she insists it has ended. I'm trying to Plan A, but of course need to find a way for the A to end before we can truly make some progress.
I understand the pain and difficulty for her in ending it, the feelings and all, and I'd like to help with that, but I cannot do it if she doesn't acknowledge it and at least lets me help her while it ends.
How can I reach her on this? How can I communicate that I understand and that I'm willing to help her through withdrawl?
Any ideas?
Thanks!!!

What proof do you have that it is continueing?<p>Has she written a no contact letter? Has she provided you access to her email, voice mail, etc.?

Her phone records show the calls, her unexplained outings, etc. After 7 months of the lies, I pretty much know.
She says it has ended, so she's not written a no contact letter, she has not agreed to end it and committed to rebuilding, I'm trying to get her to that point.

Well, I am a WW. There are questions my H has never bothered to ask me and maybe it is because he does not want to know the truth.....He asks all the sexual questions. The questions that can get to the root of the problem are something like this..<p>How do you feel when you are with the OM?
What are you getting out of the A?
Tell me why it makes you feel so warm inside?<p>These are pretty big questions, but the answers are the key to "how you fit into this" or "how you do not fit into this". She is/was finding pleasure somewhere else. Just like I was. You need to find out why.<p>My therapist told me that an affair is only one symptom of many that a marriage is having problems or someone is not happy the way they are living their life. What has your wife sacrificed to be with you/the family? Her job? Her friends? Her openness? Everyone seems to sacrifice something in order to hold onto love, and that is bad bad bad. Real love does not make you sacrifice anything about yourself. Sacrificing is based on fear of being yourself because you may lose someone, but you end up losing them because you are miserable living a life that is dictated by others.<p>My friends and I have time on our hands and we sit around and talk about some pretty wild stuff, but we have come to the conclusion that many woman sacrifice everything they are for the family. They abandon themselves. They stop caring for themselves. And the place they can momentarily escape all the stresses of life is in an A. They can be themselves. I have no contact with OM, but I have urges... and the urges are when my H is not there for me emotionally. Guess who can be there?
It is a struggle, but I have recognized the pattern now, and now do not need to call him. <p>Good Luck.