Well, I am getting that sinking feeling again. Last Monday I posted that my wife's Morning went unaccounted for and she got very angry and defensive when I made the least bit of inquiry. I let it go. <p>I have noticed many little things that she is doing, like hugging me, sending me "I love you" notes, etc. But I don't trust the motive. It could be she is trying to cover up for a renewal of OM relationship, or it could be real.<p>Well, yesterday she called me. After we hung up I remembered something and called her right back. She got real annoyed, accusing me of checking up on her. Then she became unavailable again for 4 1/2 hours (cell phone not answering). She told me Monday nite she would be home all day Tuesday cleaning and other stuff. But instead, she was out. When she picked me up at 7:45 (15 minutes late) she said she had been washing her makeup off. When I asked why she had put makeup on if she was cleaning all day, she again got all defensive and angry. She also mentioned that alot of people were down at the beach, but when I asked her if she walked on the beach she again was evasive and said no, that she only drove by. But there was sand in the car floorboard and in her shoes. More lies.<p>On the other hand, she seems more attentive than ever. Last nite she asked me to come to bed and then held me. This morning she called me to say Hi and she loves me. On the other hand, before we went to sleep I asked her very nicely if she could please keep her cell phone on, and she said it was on all day but that she can never get it out of her pocketbook in time to answer(more lies). Then she got angry saying I can't check up on her all day long.<p>Finally-OM's AOL Profile has changed again. He knows I read his profile-he has even included little inside jokes to get at me. Now his profile says he is "still missing that special someone", his hobby is "waiting patiently for his dream to come true" and his occupation is "enjoying the present". <p>Note that there has been no PC contact. OM has not called my house. WW has not talked to OM on the cell. So only possible contact would be WW calling OM, using some type of calling card. OM can't contact WW w/o me knowing- so I don't know how they can be making plans to meet (he lives 2 hours away-so plans must be made).<p>But I have that sinking feeling again.<p>I know what I need to do- I just am looking for some encouragement and support.<p>[ April 17, 2002: Message edited by: Boppo57 ]</p>

Bump for support - encouragement. Thanks.

Did you and your wife reads any books regarding infidelity? You need to tell her that because of what she has done, she needs to EARN back you trust and part of that is to be accountable for her time. "Say where you're going be and be where you say you are". If you are concerned I think I would snoop around some and see if you can find anything. Hopefully you won't.<p>Good luck
sty

Hi Boppo. Do you think your W could be feeling smothered and monitored and so she is lying to protect nothing more than her privacy? I'm not defending her, just looking at it from a different angle.<p>I read this thread right after listening to 4 messages from my H on the answering machine. The first said "please call me when you get this", the second "I need you to call me". the third "where on earth are you" and the final (very angry) "I don't like you disappearing I wish you would call me". I called and asked what was so important and he went off on a tangent about how he hates not knowing where I am. Hmm I am the BS here and he was the one who had the EA.<p>After explaining, and not very nicely, that I was out on the deck enjoying the sunshine and reading a book, he calmed down. But really it made me a bit angry that he feels the need to monitor my whereabouts. Just some food for thought.

Boppo...<p>Pursuing again, eh? When you feel yourself getting wound up... step back... back off... ask the ??'s in your head... not out loud... <p>Are you getting any kind of professional help w/ this? I didn't really start to turn the corner until I started seeing my counselor...<p>You can only fix your half of the relationship... you have to quit stressing yourself over her half... <p>I hear that this marriage will be fixed when WW does XYZ... That is not your concern Boppo... your concern is you. <p>Fill in the blank... I can fix my half of the marriage by ___________. That is all you can do. Concentrate on that.<p>Give yourself permission to let your wife go. (in the figurative sense.)<p>Hugs,
Cali

Stronger<p>Thanks for your comment. I've read plenty-my WW won't read anything. Lexxy keeps reminding me my WW is NOT in recovery, thus neither is our marriage, thus I'm still in Plan A- so I have to act like it. Lexxy is right.<p>Tiny<p>You are so "on the mark". Wife does feel smothered-favorite comment is "Just leave me alone for five seconds!". I did that for awhile-but my unfulfilled needs became my new burden and I started smothering again.<p>Cali<p>{{{{{{Cali}}}}}} You are always right there for me! Thanks for putting me back on track. You know my history. How many times do I revert back to same old behavior? AA definition of insanity - doing same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I overcame that insanity in my addiction recovery - why can't I in my relationship recovery??<p>to all- good signs today- I did not call wife all day. She called me to say good morning. She called me to say Hi at lunch. She just called to tell me she sat outside in the sun and fell asleep so she's sorry if I was trying to call her and couldn't get thru. I told her I didn't call and that I was very busy at work and had to go. She copped an attitude but maybe that's not too bad.<p>Thanks for the support folks.