H left a message. We are on Plan B. Says since he has been on a business trip all week (left Tues-home today) that I should let him see daughter.<BR>I made up a schedule for him last Saturday(I aksed him several times to do it himself) defineing when he could see her. Tues and Thurs evenings and Sat morning until 2:00.<BR>I'm sorry, but it is not my fault that his job takes him out of town. Since the beginning of the year, this job had enabled him to be free as a bird, chasing skirts and being single. I don't feel obligated to change my life around for him. <BR>He is making his choice by staying with this job. He met OW through this job and now I am suppose to bend over for him and feel sorry for him<BR>As far as I'm conserned, his rights and privlegdes as a father, left with him when he decided to leave our home. He chose to leave me and my daughter. His choice.<BR>Do you think I need to be more flexible here?<P>Cheryl

I think that maybe you do. If he goes to court to get partial custody that part might be brought up about his job not being accomadting to his schedule.<P>I know that you feel like you shouldn't have to bend over backwards because he betrayed you. But your daughter does deserve to have her father in her life. I know that you feel like he tore the family apart and does not deserve to see his daughter, but the courts think differently.<P>And she might too as she gets older. Just try to be a little more accomadting for your daughter's sake. You don't want her blaming you because she did not have a relationship with her father. Plus having a father in her life will make her more of a stronger person (at least I hope). Some girls who don't have father figures seem to look for them when they are older. Don't let that happen to her.<P>If he is a good father, if he loves her, than I don't see any reason why she shouldn't get to see her even if it means changing your schedule around a little. This is about her, not about you and your husband and getting revenge on each other.<P>I'm sorry if I offended you or anyone else with my post, but this is my opinion. I feel that kids should have both parents in their lives if they can.<P>Donna

Donna, I applaud you for saying what you did. Now the bad news, You are right. The child has a legitimate reason to see her father and the courts would view this and try to be as accomedating to everyone as possible. Not allowing him to see his daughter could hurt the relationship you have with the father more than you think, it could make this a long drawn out court battle with no one as the winner! I pray for us all! (P.S. This isn't garbage, unfortunately I work in a law firm!)<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

Hey, Cheryl, you KNOW they're right. You have to be flexible here, even though it's the last thing in the world you want to do. Remember, this is for EMMA. Maybe when he has to go out of town on business he can communicate that to you and y'all can adjust the schedule AHEAD of time. Don't count on it, though. From experience - I always had to change my plans, be flexible, bend over backwards, make last minute changes. But, as much as I hated it, it paid off in the long run. But remember, you need to be perfect - he'll do the screwing up all by himself. <P>Hang in there. You'll be fine. It will all work out in the end.<P>Lori

ceecee,<BR>I know how you feel,I want to cut my kids off from my w so badly bbut know this is wrong. I'm already dreading the holidays as w will be either working that day or the eve or day after and she will still want to see the kids. I have no reason to stick around and would like to go home(3.5 hrs away) and just sit and let mom take care of me. But I know I'll end up having to travel back and forth so that she sees the kids. I've never been too crazy about holidays before and now they will really suck if I have to drive all the time.

Thanks for your replies.<BR>I do know that I am wrong here. I keep trying to hurt my H because I have so much pain. I know that what I am doing is wrong. I need to be as nice as I can and do whatever I can to see that my daughter has a father.<P>Cheryl

Cheryl, after you show that you are capable of compromise and being reasonable, can you ask him again, gently, for Emma's sake - if he will write a visitation plan that HE can live with? Something that won't interfere with his work schedule, perhaps including a telephone contact schedule?<P>You might tell him that you want Emma to have a father, but you want to reduce the opportunities for conflict..... Maybe mention you also would like to see those visits be without the OW'(s)?<P>You are doing much better. WOW. You are really doing better at controling yourself. <P>How do you feel? You've had a really tough week, and made it through.

Well, I took your advice guys. I called H and told him that he could see her today if his schedule would work around mine (We had plans this morning).<BR>He just left with her. It actually felt good to see him. He looks good (not that I want him to) and we even had a simple chat. NO LOVEBUSTING!!! The first time since he has moved out. I am pretty proud of myself. I am learning to control my temper (and you all know I have an huge one-so does my H).<BR>Anyway, I feel good about calling, and so far it has worked out.<BR>I actually miss him a little today. Maybe things are starting to change????!!<P>Cheryl