I found out yesterday that my husband has had contact with the FOW (work related) in which she told him she'd found someone else. When he finally told me about this he said he felt sad about it and "why do I keep putting myself in positions where I get hurt?" Huh? He tried to explain, but I still don't really have a clue what he was trying to get across to me. As far as I know, he is "over" her and was from the time he came back to me -- but he said he wonders how much he could have meant to her if she can hook up with someone else so quickly (when he told her he was going to work on his marriage and couldn't have any contact with her, she told him she would always love him and would wait for him) and he believes if he had stayed, she would have *still* hooked up with this guy. Any thoughts on what he is going through? <p>Now for the part that really upsets me. The conversation he had with her happened on Saturday (he answered a page for any member of management and it was her -- I assume she had a legitimate business reason for calling, although I don't know why she got into personal stuff with him or, more to the point, why he allowed her to). He came home from work Saturday kind of down and melancholy, but didn't say anything to me when I asked him why. He was off work Sunday and we basically kicked around the house -- he did yard work and I caught up on homework for a class I'm taking -- then we watched a really bad movie. Yesterday when he got home we started talking about his upcoming job interview and how he really wants the job. I mentioned that I would be relieved when he got away from possible contact with her (not one of his primary reasons for leaving, btw). That's when he told me he'd "heard" that she'd found someone else and started going into how he felt about it. I finally managed to drag it out of him that he had talked to her on the phone. He also said it's the only time he's talked to her on the phone and although he's seen her at the store a couple of times, he always turns and walks away (although I'm not sure if I believe him). I told him that I was really concerned about him not telling me and he said he didn't tell me because he was uncertain how I would react and that he knows this hurts me and doesn't want to hurt me. I told him that I need to know this stuff, even if it hurts me. Then he said "but what about if it hurts me?". I was aghast! I couldn't believe after all he's done that he is still trying to protect himself -- I thought we were trying to recover. I tried to relay to him how important it is that he be honest with me -- but I'm not sure if I got through to him. <p>Also I note on the "fog" -- we were talking about affairs and how they are based on lies. He said he never lied to her. So I said -- "I suppose you told her, then, that you and I were still having sex?" Oops! I guess he did lie! That seemed to open his eyes a little bit, though, as to the true nature of their relationship (which I also didn't realize that he didn't know already).
