I know this may sound crazy to all but here is what happened:<p>As you know, I had tremendous pain over my wifes affair and were totally crushed. Almost 5 months had gone by and I was still feeling the pain.I couldn't sleep , I was frustrated , furious ,angry, depressed, sad and you know ,, the whole nine yards of post affair discovery symptoms. It was hell and more . I am sure you all know the pain.<p>Many of you were suggesting anti-depresent drugs and therapy and so forth. Now here is what happened:<p> I MET A wonderful lady ,an angel to be perfect, and we talked for about a week or so and she was fully aware of my circumstances. she is a woman whom I have great respect and appreciation for and without any guilty feelings what so ever, we had intimacy!!! . <p>IT WAS THE MOST BEUTIFUL AND MOST WONDERFUL FEELING EVER. I FELT LIKE A TEEN AGER AGAIN AND MAN I TELL YOU MY PAIN IS GONE AND EVERYTHING SEEMS GREAT AGAIN. THINGS AREN'T BLACK AND WHITE ANY MORE THEY ARE WONDERFUL COLORS OUT THERE!!<p>I know you may say I have made a big mistake or two wrongs don't make it right but here is what I truely belive. MY PAIN IS GONE.I AM HEALED!!! YOU WON'T BELIVE ME BUT IT IS ALL GONE!!!!<p> THIS COULD HAPPEN TO ALL OF YOU AS WELL IF YOU WANT TO GO IN THIS DIRECTION.<p>What my wife did to me was so painful and I thought I was going to kill myself but here I am looking forward to life AND LIVING.
Here is my philosophy, If someone you love for many years leave YOU for another person, then IT IS OVER. Why put UP with pain and suffer so that you could keep the family and the kids intact. I know alot of you disagree with me but belive me if you still have the pain then do what I did and you would see how your whole out look changes.IT OPENS UP YOUR EYES AND YOU SEE THAT YOU ARE FAR BETTER THAN YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE AND THEY TRUELY DON'T DESERVE YOUR EFFORTS. IF YOU ARE IN PAIN OF KEEPING EVRYTHING GOING THEN THEY DONT DESERVE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SACRIFICING YOURSELF AGAIN AND AGAIN.
I want to be free again . NO more of this loyalty marriage garbage !. I have a zest for life and I am not going to let some unappreciating wife and partner bring me down.
so if you are in pain still you can get out of just like I did. Try it and be truthfull with youself.it WORKS! Don't think of as a revenge but a healing process for yourself. I am happy that I am not sad and depressed any more. and as far as my wife goes, I could care less if she sleeps with an army of strangers or what have you. she was the wrong person for me and she was dumb enough to show it to me this way. no more supporting a lazy alcholoic housewife and I want to built my own life again ALONE.<p>Tell me what you think and again please don't think I am trying to discourage you from working out your relationships but when something breaks IT IS BROKEN!
SO GET ON WITH LIFE. GO OUT THERE AND MEET SOMEONE IN YOUR OWN LEVEL OF THOUGHTS AND HAVE FUN ! BECAUSE LIFE IS FAR MORE PRECIOUS THAN SITTING AND BEING SAD OVER WHAT SOME MORAN WIFE OR HUSBAND DID TO YOU! give them what they deserve!
LET ME KNOW YOUR COMMENTS>
THANK YOU<
BLEEDING NO MPORE [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

let me know how great you feel when the high of the fantasy and newness wear off...then we'll talk about what a 'great' solution this is... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Good luck anyhow...

Bleeding; look inside yourself, and at your actions, and you will see that what you are feeling today is only the same thing your WS felt in the first few days of the A...no more, no less.<p>I truly hope you can find happiness.

Two wrongs make two wrongs. I have no doubt you feel tremendous exhilaration. The fact that you are reveleing in the first blush of romantic attraction does not make your actions "right." You did the same thing your wife did-- rather than deal with whatever problems there were in your relaitonship, you chose instead to take a shortcut to self-gratification.<p>Do you have children? I hope not, because kids deserve at least one parent who can be more mature and responsible than your wife or you have proved yourselves to be.<p>Two wrongs do not make a right-- but three lefts do.

bleeding-<p>I am sorry for your kids. I'll be brief. In this five months, what did you do to try to improve the marriage? The family? Did you develop a plan to move forward? Did you try to get help for your W? Counseling for anyone?<p>What are you going to tell your kids? Two wrongs make a right? You waited a whole week before having sex with this woman? It seems like you can no better control these emotions than the depression you were experiencing.<p>Think about your kids. You need to provide a solid foundation for them. Do you want their respect? They don't need to see you running around with OW now. You need to direct your attention to them.<p>You are married until you are divorced. In either case you are still a father. Start living up to that responsibility.<p>HoFS<p>[ April 25, 2002: Message edited by: HofFenceSitter ]</p>

bleeding, Can you see that you simply put a bandaid on your gaping wound? <p>What did you learn in those 5 months of suffering? ANything about yourself? ANything about what causes affairs? Anything about repairing a broken relationship?<p>Good luck. I certainly don't wish any pain on you. But I'm afraid that wound will get infected and cause more "bleeding".<p>[ April 25, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

I'm so sad for you...because I fear when the high leaves you will find yourself even lower than before. So what if this other woman is an angel? You're USING her to run away from dealing with your emotions. You haven't learned anything or gained anything....you've simply put a bandaid on a broken arm. What would you think if a betrayed spouse in enourmous pain came on here and said I FOUND THE ANSWER!! I've become a CRACK ADDICT! BY GOSH, I wish I would have gone this route before...thank goodness I have a kind and loving pusher just down the street. Would you believe they've really found the answer to their problems? Or simply traded one problem for a new one? <p>You aren't any more right than your wife was to betray you...now you're just as lost. You'll get a good taste of how she felt allright...hope you use it to LEARN SOMETHING instead of just running again when the pain gets unbearable. Two wrongs NEVER NEVER NEVER make a right....only three lefts can.<p>
ROTFLMAO....sorry Charyne...just read your post. Great minds, eh?? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 25, 2002: Message edited by: hope4future ]</p>

I thought you were stronger than that bleeding? I just can not believe what my eyes have read! How could you react this way so soon? Please, while you have some time, if you still care anything for your wife and your children, go to them and do the right thing. BUT I would ask that you pray to God first for any sin you have not confessed to him before you start pointing your fingers. Shame on you acting in this way. Your not going to quit before you even tried are you? Have you really stopped and thought what you were doing before you committed adultrey and caused more infidelity in your marriage. Just what really was healed when you truned your back on your family? Sorry for being alittle hard, but I don't know you and you don't know me I just hope you searched your soul complete, because I feel you are in for a very RUDE AWAKENING to say the lease. Before I go I would like you to go back and carefully read your post, and listen to yourself. When you come to your good senses I'LL BE BACK. God Bless You As Well As Myself And All Others. I'll be praying for your children, your wife, and you in that order, but remember you are still the HEAD OF THE HOUSE AND TO LOVE YOUR WIFE AS YOURSELF. This is hard I KNOW. You're not free from the marriage yet so act like it please. Remember the devil is the angel of light you now need Him who is THE LIGHT!!!
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Um...<p>Well my ex-H thought the same thing when he had a few revenge affairs after my affair, and look how right he was! (Yes, that was sarcastic)<p>Now he's all alone and the "angel" from heaven unceremoniously dumped his a$$ on the driveway when he wouldn't marry her as planned. She also subpeonaed him for a bit of money he owed her. She was **gonna** be nice about it, but hey, since he didn't follow her plan, he must suffer.<p>He also enjoyed being tested for STD's. Nice way to have to think of your "angel", isn't it? <p>Your most "beautiful and wonderful feeling ever" is probably what your wife thought when she began her affair. IT'S PART OF THE FOG. Sheesh man, are you SERIOUS?<p>You've been here for one month, made nine posts, and you have obviously NOT done the work to begin healing. This is not HEALING, this is AN AMPUTATION. <p>Enjoy the feeling while it lasts... the crash is coming, I assure you.

I teach math and believe me, that is the only time in your life when two wrongs make a right. (negative times negative equals positive.)

Maybe the Harley's should add a chapter to the book "Surviving an Affair".... <p>Chapter 2: Seek Revenge The first step in dealing with your pain, and giving the WS what they deserve. Have an Affair yourself. You'll feel great. You'll feel loved and appreciated. Statistics are not in yet on the affects on the WS. <p>ROFL [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

LOL Faith!! Say...you think they'd take my suggestion on becoming a drug addict if for some reason an affair isn't a viable option? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

2 words-VERY SAD

Hello all and thank you for your responses. here is my reply to your comments:<p>You can not tell me that you would be the same with your wifes or husbands after you have learned painfully that they are unfaithfull!TO YOU.
why struggle to mend a broken tie? WHY?
YOU ARE JUST DELYING THE INEVITABLE! YOU SAY I AM PUTTING A BANDAID ON A BROKEN BONE BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY?
HAS YOUR MARRIAGE SURVIVED BECAUSE YOU STUCK IT OUT?
DON'T TELL ME THAT DEEP DOWN YOU ARE ALL HAPPY !guess what YOU NEVER COULD WILL BE happy!
I must tell you, what I have done, I am not proud of and it was not a revenge it was a way out of this nightmare that I was in. this does not mean I am in a relationship with this woman. I am not even interested in being in relationships right now. I have seen what they end up like.<p>PLease note that I fully understand that :
AN FOR AN EYE WOULD MAKE THE WORLD BLIND !
BUT
HOW CAN YOU FIX A BROKEN GLASS SHATTERED INTO PIECES.
I have two kids and love them beyond words and they have and always will come first but when I see that my partner is still involved with the OM -why should I torture myself and go to a PLAN B OR C>
I have had enough pain and I am fed up and sikend by it.<p>what happend was not a sexual gratification but rather an awakaning of my sole. all of a sudden I realized I don't have to be the one who must keep this family togther. I suffer the pain and with a little disagreement she runs to him.
I have had enough and I am going to do what makes me happy and forget about this marriage commitment.
While I appreciate your comments, I don't want you to feel sorry for me but feel sorry for yourself for continuing with the pain and hope that everything in your marriage is going to be nice and rosy!
MY point is this: we are all suffering and if we don't stop a bad marriage it will stop us soon or later.
OUR SPOUSES SHOULD HAVE ENDED OUR RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE PUTING US INTO this PAIN BUT YET THEY CHOSE TO HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS.
REACCESS WHO YOU ARE AND WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN LIFE.I KNOW who I AM AND WHOM I DONT WANT TO BE WITH.
GOOD LUCK TO ALL AND THANK YOU AGAIN.
SINCERELY,
BLEEDING

I think deciding you don't want to repair the marriage after an affair, and prefer to divorce is a perfectly valid option.<p>Getting involved with someone else in the midst of all this turmoil, then deciding you want out is likely very flawed thinking. That's why virtually none of the "revenge" or "rebound" relationships make it. <p>Who knows, maybe you will be an exception to the rule. Good luck.

Many BSs contemplated doing what you did... it seems the answer... it seems to be a way to boost a battered self-esteem.<p>Unfortunately BSs and WSs who look to others to completed themselves... who need that emotional fusion to feel better... never really learn to stand on their own two feet.<p>Success isn't measured by whether or not a marriage survives or recovers, but by the emotional health of the two people. What has been learned? How have the two people learned to be separate yet together? <p>When answers are found outside of yourself, happiness is now dependent outside of yourself. True happiness and contentment comes from within.<p>I hope you find inner peace and happiness.<p>Cali

tsk tsk tsk<p>Man o man.....what a whirlwind of a roaler coaster ride you are in for when you really get back down to earth.<p>I think the term, "putting a band-aid on your wound" is pretty accurate here.<p>WHY?<p>Because I did it myself.<p>What you have done is not to have met someone that makes you happy or someone that could take your pain away.<p>Really...what you have done is taken this situation and chose it over dealing with the pain, anger and resentment you have for your W. You have to deal with those feelings eventually or you will never ever have another healthy relationship with anyone.<p>Can you honestly say that you did EVERYTHING that was in your power to save your marriage....that way years down the road you can look back and be happy with your decision instead of saying....I wish I would have tried harder?<p>When I headed down this road 2 months after my H left I realized quickly what I was doing. I could have had a fabulous time with this man.....but I was using him to cover up what I felt. I was using the way he felt about me to boost my own ego. I was doing the same thing my H was doing. I feel really bad now for using him for those purposes.<p>Do what you will....but from experience.....it won't last. You will deal with those feelings eventually....and you probably ain't gonna like it.

Bleeding- At first I read and re-read your post, thinking it was some cruel hoax. But as I re-read your subsequent post, I see a desperate, hurt soul who cannot bear any more pain. I also see a man who knows what he has done is the ABSOLUTE MOST STUPID AND IRRESPONSIBLE IMMATURE THING POSSIBLE, but who is trying to justify it by somehow telling the rest of us we are fooling ourselves.<p>There are hundreds, if not thousands, of posters to this forum who have overcome the pain you are feeling and have put back their marriages. Many are happier than ever before. It is definitely possible. It starts with forgiveness. Right now, you are the classic "Taker" described by Harley. But you can go back to being the Giver". It is your choice. <p>Have you read SAA, HNHN, Love Life for Every Married Couple, The Five Love Languages, Torn Asunder? Any one of these books gives hope to your marriage. Have you read Psalm 34 - what I call "The Psalm for the Betrayed Spouse"? God gives hope to your marriage. Have you prayed? Prayer gives hope to your marriage.<p>You say you love your kids. That they come first. If your child hurt you, by running away, or keeping you from seeing your grand-kids, or even alleging abuse against you (mine did all of these)wouldn't you still forgive them, because you love them unconditionally? Why is your wife any different?<p>I hope you find happiness. Preferably married, with your family intact. But however you find it, I hope you find it.

Your kids are NOT coming first...because in NO WAY is THIS in their best interests...and your current actions CAN and WILL hurt them.<p>You've made a very poor choice and now you are stumbling over yourself trying to justify it. You've decided to LOOK OUT FOR #1 and don't care WHO ELSE gets hurt (like the woman you are USING for example). You are a classic adulterer now...no better than your wife. You guys need some serious individual therapy.<p>You think your wife's A was ANYTHING about YOU? It wasn't...she was hurting or feeling incomplete and she took shelter in someone else...she fell into the "in love" high, the feeling like a teenager and decided it WORKED FOR HER. Hey, you picked that over responsible behavior...now you can understand how easy it was for her to do so too. Only difference...you KNOW the consequences. How immature.<p>Your poor poor children [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>YOU ARE JUST DELYING THE INEVITABLE! YOU SAY I AM PUTTING A BANDAID ON A BROKEN BONE BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY? HAS YOUR MARRIAGE SURVIVED BECAUSE YOU STUCK IT OUT? DON'T TELL ME THAT DEEP DOWN YOU ARE ALL HAPPY !guess what YOU NEVER COULD WILL BE happy! <hr></blockquote><p>Actually, I like this analogy. You have put a bandaid on a broken bone, and swigged down a fifth of whiskey (or crack). You're on a high right now. Wait until the break becomes gangrenous, and you end up losing the leg. And suffering from infection...<p>In my case, I went to the doctor. I had the cast put on. I went through many hard months of physical therapy. And now I've got a good leg that's stronger than before, on a healed body. And I can do things and count on it in ways that I never could before.<p>Bleeding---I really thought this was a prank post. Good luck---I hope your crash never comes...