very hurt by an adultery situation? What is your story? <p>If you are sinless perfection....please cast the first stone...<p>If not....then please be respectful of people and their hurt. <p>WS...which would include me...do NOT realze what HELL we are bestowing upon our spouses. Because if we did....it would never have happened.<p>You sound very angry and hurt...please let it all out if you are a victim of this horrendous life style called....SURVIVING AN AFFAIR. But you have to be courteous to all.<p>God Bless,
Mercy

Of course, none of us are sinless. I am a BS and I feel so hurt, betrayed, used, abused, deceived... and so many other feelings that I could go on and on. My WS made the decision to have an A with one of my best friends who also happens to live next door. That wasn't bad enough...he then decides to live with her and her kids..and to deny it day after day until I finally had the evidence to confront him with. I agree with you that if the WS realized what horrendous pain they were putting us through, they would not have made the decisions they made. Obviously there was something missing in our marriage for the A to happen in the first place. I do take some responsibility for that. This has been a living ##ll for me living next door to them. I don't know how my H could not know the torment this has caused me and our children, but that is what the FOG does. He has always been a great dad and husband. I will always love him, but I can not deal with this anymore. There is no hope for this marriage, but there is hope for me and that is what I am striving for right now. My life is moving on...if in the future we find our way back to each other, that would be great. For now, I will take one day at a time and will be thankful for the 22 years we had together. I am moving away from here in June and I know I will be able to heal. I hope this wasn't too long, but it felt good to put it all down in words. Thanks for "listening"!!
BH

I'm very sorry for your pain, brokenhearted.... I am glad to see that you seem to be moving on in a positive direction though....good for you! God Bless......

Mercy,
I'm sorry your rebuke is accepted. I tried to straighten out my message to CM on her post.
My history is sinful WH after 17 years of marriage to a frigid wife (which is why I know that if you don't get laid you do not die). Second marriage to my WOW (wonderful other woman) 18 years and counting.
My relationship interests refer to my present marriage and my S & D's (17,15) sexual discovery.
I have strong views on SF as an objective which I vented on poor CM, and harrassment in the workplace.
In general I feel that people tend to follow societal norms too much and do not truly listen or try to understand their own motivations.
I have no talent apart from being able to construct 3 line bombs with a few simply chosen words.
Apologies to everyone on the list.

I am so sorry for misinterpreting this thread! I thought it was a thread to vent....didn't realize this was a message to a member! My apologies to Mercy and Olderandwiser...and CM!
BH

How does that work you're a sinful WH but the OW is wonderful? Also there are no frigid woman only ignorant men.<p>[ April 26, 2002: Message edited by: KalGrl ]</p>

wooooooooohoooooooo, KalGrl........i liked that........ "no frigid women, only arrogant men"<p>you go girl!!!

oooops, you said...... ignorant men.....oh well!

Kalgrl,<p>Your sweeping generalisation was actually spot on in my case.<p>I checked the dictionary and my ex was not frigid (sexually irresponsive) by its definition. She did have a lifelong bladder malfunction which meant her genital area was permanently sore and infected. All this despite constant medical attention including hospitalisation etc. And yes when we married I was ignorant of all this and she hadn't imagined the consequences.<p>SF was actually fine for both of us but her subsequent physical discomfort was so great that we agreed it was not worth it. We shared affection for 15 years but had SF on just seven occasions. When you have it so infrequently you cherish the memory of every time. <p>Lack of SF was not and would never have been a reason for us separating.<p>My experience is probably extreme but it does leave me with the conviction that SF is not an EN like the others and that folks who believe it is need to get a life.

Olderandwiser,<p>Knowing one’s story makes it much easier to interpret their posts. Thanks for sharing.<p>What you have told us of your ex-wife’s physical condition makes a point. There are different reasons why SF may be limited in a marriage. When it is due to a physical condition it’s quite a different story then when it is due to one spouse withdrawing emotionally and physically from the other.<p>I’ve thought before about what I’d do if my H were physically unable to be intimate. It seems that there are other ways to share SF, or physical closeness that could make both partners feel sexually fulfilled. Though I hope I, nor my husband are never faced with this.