bump

What do you think about asking her to meet - just for lunch or something? Conversation should be light - small talk - like you are dating her.. you should be able to tell how she feels about you from that, and she won't feel pressured to talk about relationship stuff....<p>What do you think?

I think I have decided to wait until next week to ask W out for lunch for a date, I will give(mail) her a card for mothers day and then next week ask her to see if there is a chance, I am preparing myself right now for failure that she will say no, but that is a part of the moving forward. I will also email her thursday or friday to say that I hope that she is having a good week, and that I miss her, I truly feel like I will know soon, I am starting to really think about my life without her and am wondering if that is what I need to be doing right now, I wonder if I will meet someone say, at the store, at the mall, or even at church, I am really lonely and know that I have been forgiven by the Lord and have paid an extreme price for my sins, and that is the loss of my family, but the Lord has forgiven me and if W, D's me that is the way it is and I have to accept it. I will see her at choir rehearsal and wonder if I should really look at her in her eyes like I have been afraid to do for the last 3 weeks and try to see where her head is but I will not look and just pray for her because that is truly what will bring her back to me is prayer. Let me know what you think?

Well I sent an email to W today saying that I hoped that she was having a good week and that I missed her and she responded back asking when I was going to give her a "certificate of divorce", do I go ahead and file since she does not want to ever talk to me again? What do I do now, she obviously wants the D, and I dont, shouldnt she move forward with the D? Or should I in a final act of remorse and asking for forgiveness do it to show her that I do truly love her in this which would be the final nail in the coffin of our M?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> she responded back asking when I was going to give her a "certificate of divorce"<hr></blockquote><p>Tell her you won't give her one. You don't want a D, you want to work on your marriage.
See if she will date you. Even if you have to say, " so you sound pretty sure you want a D. Lets meet and talk about it. " Then tell her your feelings about wanting to start dating again. - humbly ask for another chance. Don't press, don't get angry, don't be needy. Ask, and if she says no, tell her you believe it could work and don't want a D and change the subject. Practice in front of a mirror if you have to. (works for me.) <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I think that I am ready to ask her to meet so that I can find out where she is at because I don't' know right now. <hr></blockquote><p>I agree with Faith1 - You need some kind of opening but mostly, talk small talk, talk about things she likes, DON"T TALK MUCH ABOUT R RIGHT NOW. She doesn't know where she is at and it hurts her to discuss it because she can't give you any answers. She really won't know what to say. She doesn't know what she wants, even if she thinks she does. If pressed for answers now, she will run. Don't go there. Just try and get a chance to see her. <p>So pretend you just met and you are dating her for the first time ( OK, maybe 2nd or 3rd because you already know her name.) I don't know your personality but I have dated my wife recently and asked "dumb" questions. "I'd like to get to know you better, what's your favorite color." It made her laugh. Also, "of all the songs you have heard on the radio this last week, which did you like best?" Just things I used to say in our early dating days, when I didn't know her well. <p>Date her, do the things that made you fall in love in the first place. Be outgoing, confident, fun, witty, charming. ( Look, I have a hard time with some of these too, but you get the idea.) <p>But don't talk about where you are, where she might be, or what's going to happen. Just be friends. That's one of the things plan A is about. Being a safe person to talk to. No anger, no control ( my hardest two to quit.) <p>Here are some points you might not have read yet. They will help.
Wats Guide
Wat's Guide
You are the one that had the A but in many ways, it sounds like her. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I refuse to give up but it is harder by the day to believe that she would come back to me based on the time apart with limited communication. Let me know what you think.<hr></blockquote><p>As long as :
1. She has not filed
2. Even if she has, the D is not final.
3. Even if it is, but she has not re-married. <p>Then you have a chance.
Many MB'ers have overcome worse. Keep your head up.<p>[ May 09, 2002: Message edited by: still seeking ]</p>

I am doing better these days, I feel stronger to be able to deal with whatever happens to my M, I am trying to decide how to go about planning my son birthday party, I want very much for my stepchildren to come but W has told them not to talk to me so I am going to ask W, if they can come over at least to sing happy birthday and leave if they wish. I am afraid to much time has gone by and my relationship with them is gone. I also have decided to based on my W answers for my sons birthday party to ask her to get together or at least talk on the phone to discuss what we should do, and at this point I would be open to discuss the D, if that is the only way that she will talk to me I still refuse to file, but I am open to working with her to maybe help her file, and get it over with, since that is her wish, and advice would be apprciated!

Glad you are feeling better ( what are you eating / drinking / smoking? )
Just kidding, <p>Did she ever respond to your wanting to date her?
Or ever talk to you at all?

Well I really feel like the end is near I told W, that I would like to start dating again and that I had changed, she brought up the fact that I am playing for a choir in church that consists of mostly young women, and I immediately told her that I would stop if she was comfortable with that. She also said that I should take some time off from all the choirs, I play for 4, and that maybe if I did that she would know that I am changing, well I went today and told the Pastor that I was going to take at least 30 days off from playing to work on M, when I got home I emailed W and told her that I did it and when could we at least start talking, she then said that I was trying to make her look bad by talking to the Pastor, which I disagree with, he had to know, what was I going to do just stop showing up, he agreed with her and said that if that is what it takes to do it. She has since done a 180 degree turn, she called the Pastor and proceeded to tell him that she wanted a D, he told me to try to get on with my life and to not communicate with her for now, I am a mess, I was thinking that we were making headway and it seems that I took 2 steps backwards, she keeps going back to me playing for 1 of the choirs that has all of these young women in it one of which is my cousin and she knows this, I have learned my lesson and I told her I will not play for them if that is making you uncomfortable, she also again said that at the end of June she would sit down with me and talk face to face, but at the same time she wants a D, I am going to go ahead and stick to what she asked and step down for at least 30 days to show her that I am serious about our M, maybe she will come around, but if not at the end of June, I am going to do what the Lord has led me to do and that is play music for him. I know that this is a mumble jumble of thoughts but I just had to get this out there and get some feedback on if this is normal or if this is truly the end of this M? I guess only God knows for sure.

bump, help me!

Tomorrow will be the last day that I play for the choirs for the next 30 days, she has told me that she will meet with me to discuss M, at the end of the 30 days, I am not sure why it is so important to her, but I know that I am doing this for her, because if it was up to me I would not stop, something tells me that she is still going to file for D, but I have prayed about it and this is the only way to get through to her that I love her, she knows how much my music ministry means to me. I am going to have a lot more free time on my hands now that I am not rehearsing with the 4 choirs, that scares the HELL out of me! I sent her a email saying that I missed her and that I hoped she was having a good week, and as usual no response from her. She also never responded to me in regards to my sons birthday party tomorrow, I wanted to have his steps brother and sister there but as usual she is running this and has pretty much decided that she did not want them involved. I am so lonely right now that I am truly thinking of trying to meet someone else to see if I can at least have a female companion that I can spend time with. I had car problems this week and had no one to call, like I would have had her to help me out. I am so alone this weekend. Please pray for me!