Well, after the marriage retreat my W and I attended this weekend, I praise God that my marriage is officially in the "recovering" stage.
For my wife to agree to go on the retreat, after the week we had, was a blessing. During the week, in response to my occasional demands or complaints, she said things like, "We shouldn't be doing this", and "I don't want to sit there and hear other couple's happy stories" and "We don't have a marriage, so why are we going?". Then, on the way down to Maryland, I made a comment about us spending the free time Saturday nite in the room and she cut me right off, saying, "Don't start telling me what we are going to do. You promised you would have no expectations about this weekend".<p>Okay, as I unpack, I find a card from my wife. The first card, other than Valentine's Day, that I've received since D-Day. It was one of those expensive cards with jewelry on it, blank inside. My W wrote that she was "anticipating a wonderful weekend with the man she loves". Then she rewrote the 1 Cor passage about love. She made sure to note that the first thing love is...is patient.<p>Friday nite and Sat went great. This was a Calvary Chapel marriage retreat, not real intense therapy stuff, but more bible teaching and lots of fun. Friday nite, surprisingly since she is usually asleep by 10, my W suggested we go down to the bonfire. That was great, roasting marshmellows, singing worship songs, and snuggling under a blanket like teenagers. <p>Fri nite and Sat morning I laid off the kissing stuff, waiting for her to initiate. Saturday was a great day. We had the afternoon free and went for a long walk, then lay on a blanket by the Chesapeak Bay just talking. We established three goals for our marriage this year:<p>1) security- (Here's where recovery began) I told my W that I can't live with the fear that an A will ever happen again. She said she never wants it to happen again, either. I said never say never. She said "I am saying never. I promise you it will never happen again. I am so sorry." Then she held me. We agreed that we would establish behaviors that would guarantee that any man or woman would know that we are "hands off", we are married. She agreed to tell me if OM ever contacts her again. She says he hasn't, and she hasn't. <p>2) role models- we agreed that we only have a few yrs left to be marital role models for our children. We would make that a goal. No fighting in front of them. No disrespectful behavior or comments.<p>3) finanical responsibility- we agreed that we would both work together to be financially more responsbile. We set specific financial goals to acheive by yr end.<p>Saturday nite I blew it when she said she was washing her makeup off as soon as we got back to room. I asked her if she could keep it on for awhile (I was anticipating SF) and she read my mind. Big LB. We ended up in one of our stupid stubborn back and forths, no one willing to compromise. Needless to say, no SF. Which was made worse when we began to hear bed squeaking and headboard rattling, followed by moaning, in the room next door. I went to sleep very apprehensive.<p>Sunday morning, Praise the Lord! My wife woke up 15 minutes before the alarm went off, got naked, and then woke me up! I couldn't have asked for anything more! We had fabulous SF, really intense, laughing, relaxed, casual, intimate. It set the tone for the whole day. We drove home from the retreat talking and joking. My W even asked me if it was OK if she closed her eyes and rested (she usually just falls asleep on long trips while I'm talking to her!)<p>Last nite was very relaxed and loving after we got home.<p>Then this morning she sent me a note on the cell phone telling me she is thankful and glad that I am her husband.<p>So- I'm feeling really good right now. This is a testimony to many that prayer and the MB approach of forgiveness and working on yourself pays off. I know we may have rocky roads ahead, but we are on a smooth path now.<p>Some thoughts:<p>I have demons. It really bothers me that there is this OM out there who thinks in his head that there is a "special woman", my W, who still loves him. That he has memories of times with her. That she has similar memories of times with him. That he probably thinks he could get her back any time. I want this guy to feel pain. To know that my W is MINE, and he has NO CHANCE. But that is my problem. Right now- it is off limits to discuss with my wife.<p>Patience- There is so much I want to happen. But I have to keep up my end of the deal and just be the best husband I can be. Good things come to those who wait.<p>The future- It looks bright. I have to keep my eye on the prize, running the race, not looking backward. To look behind is to relive the sordid past and, through prayer, I hope that that past will become a faded distant memeory, and then be gone. I want to live today, enjoying this moment, being married to a woman that loves me, and WANTS ME! That is what I prayed for, and God has delivered.<p>It is my prayer that all of you hurting, and struggling with demons of doubt and despair, will be uplifted by the knowledge that it can, and does, get better. Try reading Romans 12:12, or Psalm 34, and you'll see that God has a Word for you.<p>God Bless.<p>[ April 29, 2002: Message edited by: Boppo57 ]</p>
