When you had your A/A's, did it have anything to do with feeling like you had cheated yourself out of the chance to be with more women? Are you looking for variety? What is the deal? Why not just divorce your wife and THEN develop relationships with OW? Are you just checking OW out to be sure you want her, then when you have an OW solidly in place it is safe to get rid of your wife? I promise, I am not being sarcastic. I truly want to know what this is all about with you guys. Replaced

Replaced - I'm just curious - is there a reason you directed your question to WH's only?

Because I'm not married to a woman. Do men view commiting to fidelity more difficult than women? Is marriage and FIDELITY a cumbersome thing to a man?

I'm sorry Replaced, maybe you don't mean it this way, but it sure sounds like you're generalizing about "Men's" and "Women's" qualities here...neither sex has a pre-disposition to be more or less faithful...just ask my WW.

My H was very promiscuous outside of M, and really, at this point for all I know within M as well. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] He claimed he was faithful to his previous wives, but I'd sure like to hear from them about it.<p>Anyway, he admits to losing count of how many sexual partners he's had, but says it's in the 100s. He claimed he knew I was the one because I was better than anyone he'd ever been with. I've kind of been wondering at the other end of the spectrum from you, Replaced--Was he so USED to variety that I (or any ONE woman for that matter) couldn't possibly be exciting enough?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Replaced:
<strong>Do men view commiting to fidelity more difficult than women? Is marriage and FIDELITY a cumbersome thing to a man?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>No and No. Not this man.<p>But let's get beyond your direct question and ask it from a unisex point of view. It stands to reason to me that men and women who get it out of their system before making a commitment are less likely to "need" later experimentation - unless they do.<p>But this applies only to sex, perhaps.<p>Infidelity is an entirely more complex thing, IMHO.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong>But let's get beyond your direct question and ask it from a unisex point of view. It stands to reason to me that men and women who get it out of their system before making a commitment are less likely to "need" later experimentation - unless they do.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'll answer the main question of this thread from a FWWs point of view. I was rather sexually active as a teenager. I don't think I was extreme, but it was more than just one guy. I think all of the stats on girls growing up without a good relationship with their father are right on target - I've seen it too many times. I was looking for love in guys - or at least what I equated to be love. I didn't do it for the sex (it was NEVER fulfilling/satisfying) - I did it for the closeness.<p>After I got married, we had sex, but probably not that much, especially after the babies started arriving. There were weeks, probably even months, that we didn't have sex at all. When I had my A - it was more for the "emotional" - not the "physical". I didn't have an A to have sex. I could have gotten that at home. What I didn't get was the emotional aspect, which is mostly my fault, I didn't talk to my XH about what I needed. I chose to do the wrong thing. BTW - once the PA began, I never had sex with my XH again. This was a conscious decision by me. (well, conscious while in the fog.)<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>But this applies only to sex, perhaps.
Infidelity is an entirely more complex thing, IMHO.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I can't speak for a man......but I did not have my A simply for the sex. I agree worthatry - infidelity is more complex.

Replaced:<p>I've often wondered this same thing about my exWH. I was his first, the second was a one-night stand while we were dating (just found out last year about this) and the OW is his third. <p>This makes the first time he had sex was at 22! So yes, I think his affair was about "sowing wild oats." Not the only reason, but he's "acted out" in other ways too, so I definitely think it played a role.