This past weekend was a good one... I bought H a new wedding ring and SHOWED him that I was committed to our marriage and accepted him as my H. He was thrilled. I was nervous and scared because I knew that this is for real....no more wishy washy stuff on my part just because I have trouble processing my pain. I still crash during PMS and started spewing stuff that makes me sound like I'm giving up...but H and I are getting better at talking me through it. It's starting to scare me how bad I crash, so I am going to the doc today to see what to do about it.<p>H seems so much "lighter" now since I gave him his new ring...I know he felt like he was walking on eggshells and that I could up and leave any time. My guess is he can put his effort into really working on us and himself instead of constantly worrying if today s the day I "can't do it anymore."<p>I know what I want and that is to be with my H...when I'm not thinking of the A, we have so much fun together and I can really see the changes he has been making. But my fear of him doing this agin causes me to obsess. I work VERY hard on STOPPING this, but like I said, I lose the battle for 1.5 weeks every month and crash on the "last" day of that time.<p>Saturday evening we went out and I had a great maragarita [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] anyhow.... it felt great to just laugh... H also "discussed" things with me (nonA related) instead of just "listening." At one point we were laughing and carrying on and out of nowhere he said "God honey, you are so beautiful." I just beamed and told him thank you. He then said "I can't believe I almost lost you...let me rephrase that...I SHOULD'VE lost you, but I'm so glad that I didn't. Thank you." [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Now I have a great memory to replace my obsessive thoughts!<p>I am also reading the codependant book about letting go... good reading. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Wonderful news. Thanks for sharing.<p>My H is also sporting a 'new' ring. We had the old one reset and covered in white gold. <p>You sound like you are working very hard. I hope that you are taking sometime to 'feed' yourself as well... don't let yourself get burnt out.<p>Hugs,
Cali

Thanks Cali! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm ~trying~ to take care of myself. I took a nice bath while I was reading last night and when I went grocery shopping, I bought myself some beautiful white roses. When I wok up this morning they were in full bloom and it really made my morning. I'm learning that I love my H very much, but I can get "pleasure" from other areas as well. I just got back from lunch...H dropped by with our son and took me to lunch... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]