My H is "afraid" to come home and work things out. We have kept in close contact but after reading different books I realize I am not allowing him to totally emotionally disconnect from me. From his standpoint, he has it both ways, with 2 women that love him. He just keeps saying "He doesn't know" what to do but yet still thinks he can make a decision when he is still living with other OW. I have been trying my hardest to practice Plan B and cut off all contact, but it is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. I want to talk to him so badly and I'm scared that he thinks that I don't care and have given up, and that it will only draw them closer together. I guess I need a little help, am I crazy for waiting for someone who is doing this to me and making me feel this way.

Dear GC,<p>You know how they tell you that when your car is spinning out of control to turn your steering wheel in instead of out? <p>That is what you may need to do. By executing a plan B you are giving them their own space to..... LB?@?!? Maybe. Life is not always peaches and cream. That OP has to remove her make up sometime!!! Then YUCK!!! <p>He is living with OW? Then let her meet all his needs. You stop meeting his and if he wants to blame you for ignoring him let him. He is going to blame you for anything and everything anyway. So you are not saving much ground if he is currently hostile. Being nice and plan Aing in these types of situations just makes the A look better. You will have to decide how high a road you want to travel. By distancing yourself you show that he has less control over you. OWs for some uncanny reason (as a general rule) don't like it when the WS does not have control over the BS. So good, don't enable the A by letting the WS have control over your emotions. <p>Read up on plan B and see if that will bring you some relief. It sure did for me. <p>L.

I read "Surviving an Affair" by Harley, I did get a few things out of it, especially the whole Plan A/PLanB thing. Of all of the books I have read (I should invest in the local Christian bookstore!), I finally found one that is entirely on implementing Plan B, he doesn't call it that but same concepts, its called "When the One You Love Wants to Leave" by Donald Harvey. I think this author has spent the last year in my head, I did not realize that someone could understand how I feel. I have realized that I have been doing a semi-Plan A for the past year. Even though my H and I are not involved sexually, I have still allowed him to cross my boundaries to still be involved emotionally. But like I said before, I am afraid he doesn't think I care now! I have been doing this for the past month. He has tried to call me, but thanks to callerID, I have chosed not to answer the calls but did not leave a message. He stops by the house while I am at work to pick up his mail (all his mail is still sent here), and has left me a couple of notes. One saying where he was going to be the whole week, and one saying that "he was impressed and the yard looked nice", after I spent all weekend long by myself working in it!!As you can tell by my rambling, its a constant emotional roller coaster and I just want the ride to end!!@

Hi! If you can please do a search to read some of my older threads. My husband just came home on April 7th after living with the other woman for 6-7 weeks. He had left, come home, left, come home...yadda yadda. But the last time he moved in with the OW. That changed everything for me. I went into a tailspin. I decided to let it be...to basically plan A when I could. Things weren't so wonderful as he imagined...it is hard but you have to do what your heart tells you and take a look at your situation, take the advice here and in your books and take what is of value to you and apply it. We went through a two week honeymoon period, then the withdrawl came. It is still complicated and we will not be able to really start recovery until he comes home from all military duties in June...it will be a rough road...I told him once that I knew that we would be o.k. I just wish I knew when, he said "Oh in about a year, give us that long at least" That was encouraging.
If you would like to e-mail me feel free. My situation with him moving in with the OW is still fresh so I know where you are at and I may be able to help.
GurlzHappy@msn.com
Faith-n-Hope [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi FaithnHope, I appreciate your input and glad to see things are working out with you. Sounds like your husband got smart after a few weeks, I just feel like mine is drifting further away. He left me then moved straight in with her. Is reconciliation possible?? I have been Plan B'ing real well for the past month, but he hasn't given in either.