Dreamland --<p> You absolutely did NOT offend me in the least! I responded because I was afraid, in my ignorance, I misconveyed the Harley's concepts. I am a true neophyte and don't want to sounded like some MB guru. The ideas here have "clicked" with me, so I thought I'd share the little bit I've learned so far. <p> Actually after the last 8 months, I'm not sure I COULD be offended -- by anything! Maybe that's a good thing. In any case your post was quite gentlemanly, and not at all offensive.

Thanks for the post everyone,
I am listening,and i keep on going, schools outin 3 days and I will have lots of time to work on me and take care of my kids. Anyone know a good place to camp in florida? Sounds like a good place to unwind and regroup.
hugs and thanks

What part of FL are you wanting to stay? <p>Just a quick hug for I understand where you are with the sf. It is amazing to me the rollercoaster ride of emotions just that part of the relationship can bring.<p>lack of sf for my fwh was a lot of the problem. Of course looking deeper I had my reasons for feeling the way I did as well as all of my en were not being met.<p>The A kinda put me in shock therapy though and we have been intimate more in the last 10 months than in many years. And I have been enjoying every minute of it. Which completely blows my mind.<p>I think the whole thing reminded me what S*X is about...wanting to be that close to someone to show them you love them....I had forgotten that in all the day to day stress that overtook our lives. <p>Of course, my h enjoyed me meeting his sf but along with that came anger and distrust. He was angry it was not like that before the A and did feel manipulated - that I was scared of him leaving and that was the ONLY reason I did it. He also thought it was just a temporary thing...but we are still going strong. <p>It took quite a bit of time and counseling to work through but we did. I think the main thing that came out of this whole mess is understanding... we understand each others needs and our individual needs so much better now and are back to being a team. For a while there it seemed like we were just working against each other. It was a pattern we repeated over and over again. <p>He would want S#X and I would be too tired or stressed. Instead of meeting my en he would get mad and hurt. Then I would get mad at him getting mad at me...He would finally come around and try to be loving and I would be distant. Then I would finally come around and we would reconnect emotionally and physically for a time. <p>BUT THEN IT WOULD HAPPEN ALL OVER AGAIN. And the time frame would span a little more time each time. It was a hell of a way to do it....but I guess the A, if nothing else, did break the pattern. Wish it could have happened some other way but I need to quit trying to wish it away. It will never go away.<p>There is a book by John Gray called "Men are from mars, Women are from Venus IN THE BEDROOM" and I found it very informative. the first few chapters really goe into how women and men see S#X differently---<p>It really made me understand how I made him feel unloved by not being intimate with him in that way. This book did help me get over some of my anger on feeling like he risked everything for JUST S#X---it made me see how important it is and why.<p>The 2nd half of the book is more for the recovery stage. But it is pretty good as well. I am happy to be at that stage...and do not want that part of the relationship to fall by the wayside again.<p>Anyway...hang in there and do what feels right to you. This is just my 2 cents plus worth. Guess it just struck a chord for me too. I am glad to hear that there are other people who had a sudden change in s#x drive that it is not just me... I thought I was totally whacky there for a while about it. I guess it was a really big wakeup call.

Healing,
you are so right on, its so weird how so many people on this site have been where i am. I wish i knew how many were ok. <p> I would like to stay in the emerald coast, up by panama city or henderson beach but in general, i just want to go to the north areas. I live in Oklahoma and have family in Birmingham AL so i think i will just make a trip of it. I have two kids (9 and 7) i want them to have a great time.

Hi Cloudyday
After nearly 30 years of marriage my D-Day came as a total shock. That was 4 months ago and I've been Plan Aing solidly with some emotional lapses.
My WS was very adament that he could not cheat on his girlfriend and he shut me out completely...he was going to see her every two weeks which fulfilled his greatest EN for twice daily sex(he took care of the off days with phone sex). Then about a month and a half ago we began having SF...he said it was fine because I am his wife and he doesn't feel guilty about "cheating" on his OW. I thought I should try to meet his greatest EN for sex and participated completely
with some mental visions of where his body had been just a few days before. He will not give up his OW even though I have made it clear I would forgive and begin again. He gets angry and threatening when Steve H.,me and the family when we tell him he must give her up to start with me again.
He now refuses to even talk with Steve or any other counseler because everyone tells him the same thing, either give it up or move out.
I'm trying to hold out a little longer, since he hasn't made any plans to travel and see her....we have very intense and satisfying sex but it's interesting that he will not tell his little GF that he's resumed sleeping with his wife. I guess as long as he maintains a separate room in the house, sneaking up to be with me is acceptable. I wonder what his little friend would think about that since he supposedly is madly in love with her and is only staying here to focus on his work and reconnect with his girls that he's been neglecting for four months. She's such a fool to believe the crap he's handing her. If she wasn't such a willing participant in destroying my marriage and the lives of my children, I could almost feel sympathy for the stupid slut. <p>Anyway, I'm not sure whether sex during an active A is a good idea or not...I'm doing it to stay connected to my H but I'm feeling very used lately as there doesn't appear to be an end in sight for this A. I'm trying to decide what to do, weighing my options and will make some sort of move soon. I don't know if all my rambling was helpful...Good luck with your situation, I'll add you to my prayer list.
Wintergal

WinterGal,<p>I know exactly how you feel. I would love to tell her but that would be a BIG LB im sure. To me it looks like things are looking up for you though, at least he isn't seeing her everyday. best of luck (With lots of prayer of course [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]