Hey Forum. Have been recovering with FWW for since Nov2012, with mostly good news to report. However, we had a bizarre turn of events that turned us upside down for a few days.
FWW has done her part, maintaining NC and rebuilding our lives together. DDay was Nov2011, after a 10 yr A. Out of the blue, a text from POSOM arrives, wishing her "Happy Mother's Day. ISWFY" If you google that term, be prepared...
I discovered the phone record the day after the text, and found that FWW had only just seen it that next AM, and was waiting to alert me at an opportune time during a break in her busy work day. I wasn't pleased at the delay, and became incensed after we both discovered the meaning of ISWFY. We had a rough night.
Here's the twist. Next day, I receive a LinkedIn invite to become the POSOM's "contact". I don't know this guy - This is like pouring salt in a wound. I can't rule out that the POSOM didn't do these things, but now WE are VERY suspicious that there may be someone else meddling with this guy's accounts.
Some background: My original source for the A (sadly, a little late...10 yrs) was a FGF of OM, who admitted to me that she'd hacked into his email & phone records over the yrs & discovered the A-- several times over the 4 yrs while she was dating him. What's puzzling with this scenario is that she said she'd "moved on" from this POSOM, and isn't even in the area.
My FWW and I have accepted that this is the likely scenario, and calm has been somewhat restored, but we're a little on edge still.
I'm sure there have been bizarre twists to recovery before, but this sure seems to be one of them.

SadDude. Why don't you call the rat? Where is that "hell is coming" clip?

Why and who would want to mess with you like that?

Ramp up the snooping. You will feel safer if you can verify NC. If there is contact resuming, then you will need to take action.

Be like James Bond. Cool and in control.

You are on the road to recovery. A deviant has no effect on this process because you won't let it. You won this, man. He just cant take his loss. Savor the win as he dreams of what you get whenever you want.

I think if this all the time when i get mad. I think that my w om is stuck with what hes stuck with as i get my wife. Simple, i know. But no one has ever accused me of being deep.

Here's the clip where Dr. Harley encourages BH to contact OM. Go to the end of the thread for the radio clip.
Radio clip Dr. H encourages BH contact OM

Well, file this under, "I Wish I'd...."

Lat year, when POSOM tailed your FWW home in her car, you had the opportunity to...impress upon him...the new reality that he was to live with: that any attempt to contact your FWW would precipitate on him certain (unnamed) negative consequences. You instead sent a surrogate.

You are now given what few of us are ever accorded - the opportunity for a second chance. What will you do with it, my friend?

If it were me, in the interest of making it clear that my wife has no intetest in him and that what he has will be but sweet memories of your wife, i would show up at his home, work, or anywhere he is to give him a physical reminder.

The program allows for one warning to affair partners that its over. A msg such as what he sent requires a strong response in terms of fists and Louisville sluggers.

Please, effing please, let me catch my w om trying to call, text, email, even smoke signal her something. Im begging.

Hes really just asking for a beatdown.

Why wasn't your W's phone number changed????????????????

Thanks for the comments, and the concerns. I'm realizing I have a date error.. DDay for us was Nov2011.

For the record, I did call OM within a single day of DDay, and made it clear about NC, and he clearly understood this. There was also a VM I left which was "crystal clear". When he tailed FWW a month later, I did send a very able surrogate, who was much more "diplomatic" than I would have been.
On Monday, after seeing the outrageous text, I was fully prepared to confront OM, and lined up my able bodied surrogate- you'll have to trust me on this- together we would make a very formidable "problem".
But when that LinkedIn msg came in, we re-evaluated what was going on here, and have enough doubt about the players that we have put the brakes on confrontation. Turns out it's easy to spoof a text msg & it's easy to hack into an account with weak Passwords. Particularly by someone who's done it before (to the OM who has sloppy security habits) - and who may have malice in their heart. I'm pretty convinced that it's the former GF who's up to no good.
Like Bond, my guard is up... it's been WAY up since DDay, and I'm in control. Thanks PokerFace, for referencing one of my favorite good guys!

Change both yours and your W's contact numbers, emails, everything.

Do you live in the same area.?

Dr. Harley will recommend moving in a lot of cases. I can find a radio clip if you'd like.

I can find a radio clip if you'd like.


I bet you can

I think all the links and radio clip finds are such a great help for so many.

I'll bet BH is a librarian, or a museum curator, in real life!

Haha nope an Engineer.


Thanks.

Here's a link about moving away.

Radio clip

POJA with your WW. Get away from this OM.

What are you doing to affair proof your M?

nope an Engineer

Shhhh, don't let Pepperband know. She'll dose you with her engineer-repellent spray! It made my slide-rule jam, and my pocket-protector crumble!

Well aren't you under "constructive" surgery to look more like her?

Then we won't need that pesky spray because we will have a Pep in our pocket?

sad dude, i don't know about you, but i tend to be a hoarder of data. i would hang on to that linkedin invite, because if it does turn out to be from him, you have a major form of retaliation available to you via the "write a reference" (or whatever the term is they use). and i would go whole hog on that booger.

and if it's someone else playing sillybuggers...well, that sucks eggs. what an a$$ hole thing to do.

OK, Letty, I'll hang on to the LinkedIn invite. Good idea.
It was suggested by some worthy vets that we change our ctc numbers and/or get out of town. We're local business folks, and have to maintain a visible profile, so we've opted not to change. I realize that it's a risk, and doesn't align with MB principles & solutions, but we've put in place a series of MB things to restore our relationship and make us "affair proof". Besides this, we need "time" to work its part of the miracle, like its done for so many others.
Tried to call POSOM a few times yesterday eve, and had to settle for a VMail with little info except to call me back. Will try again. I want to ask him directly if he initiated these contacts, or someone "hacked" his accounts.

Don't need to change the cell phone number? Huh? This shocked me so much that I went back and read your first thread.

I think you got very good advice there that you need to revisit:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2592493&page=5

Your W had a 10 year A with this man and he is still in town? OM has as recently as Feb of this year chased her down in his car?

I am sorry, but I see red flags all over this. I hope that you two will implement REAL extraordinary precautions...as there is a serious lack of them presently. And until then, I agree with Pep that GPS should be put on her car and you need to watch her like a hawk because this is at high risk for reigniting.

Saddude, every contact that your FWW has with OM has a chance to reignite the affair. You shouldn't be taking any chances.

Has your FWW sent OM a NCL?

Was the affair exposed far and wide?

Do you really believe that OM is going to tell you the truth?

Are you two following any MB plans for recovery? Does your FWW have a list of EPs?

Changing the phone numbers should have been a minimum.

Thanks for weighing in. I'm acutely aware of the danger of contacts restarting the A, and have done quite a bit to monitor comms and prevent contact. We have written plans in place and are working the plan. We have boundaries, where before there were few. We reference MB for guidance as we move forward.
There was some exposure post-A, but only to those we felt would be helpful. Exposed to OM's Former W,where he has frequent contact via kids, but that did not include OMs workplace -which will happen if I discover that this latest contact was indeed initiated by him.

Sad Dude, understand that hacking is real, and rare. No one is interested enough in your WW's sitch with OM to hack into an email account and send a message to your WW. WHY does she have the same email account or phone number? You should have changed all of your contact info after D-Day.

If you cant change numbers your wife should have her cell # blocked from his digits and most certainly have her settings to send and receive texts only from you/family etc. Puhleeze....this is sooo simple...plug up these holes.

I agree that plugging the hole is necessary, but merely blocking his number won't help if he calls from another number.

I changed my husband's cell phone number after D-Day. It was an EP he enthusiastically agreed with. End of potential problem.

i can totally relate to this as i have had to take an ivo out ow, after continious contact to my friends & family thru facebook, also under several fake names, giving details of the A to anyone who would listen
it's not so easy to make them go away, so i feel for you.
I kept getting told to ignore but thats not so easy & it still upsets things for a few days
I definatley keep my guard up & not sure that it will ever come down

Bliss, I've concluded that there IS someone out there, with bad intentions, that would do such a thing ( such as make hurtful follow-on contact)- someone with intimate knowledge of our situation, and who made the initial alert to me of the A's existence. She was the POSOM's ex-GF, the "concerned citizen", reportedly with a drinking problem, and who had related her own successful hacking into OM's accounts for years. She probably now can't stand the fact that she wasn't successful in destroying our M, and that we (W and me) are staying together.
This person is savvy enough to spoof a text message and hack a LinkedIn account. She had supposedly moved on, but for whatever reason, has come back into the fray to toss in a couple of grenades.
POSOM hasn't been reachable; he was alerted early of my calls (via caller ID), and won't take them (or my surrogate's), supposedly after "friending" me on LinkedIn. No one who is in line for an a**-whippin' would "friend" someone on LinkedIn or any OTHER social media.
Can you think of any other explanation that makes sense?

Bingo... and so in came the tell-tale texts from the OM's ex-GF (my original source for DDay), checking in to see how things were going, because she just got "curious" (5 mos later from our last contact)how my FWW and I were doing. I made her call me to make sure I wasn't talking to a "spoofer", and she did call. I did not accuse her of the spoofs or hacks, but after a while she felt herself losing control of the conversation, could sense a trap, and apologized for this day's contact and any "pot-stirring" that she may have caused. She never admitted to anything, and I didn't accuse.
Clearly, her lack of patience flushed her out, as she just didn't get the kind of reaction to her horrific acts that she wanted.
So there you have it... there really are troublemakers out there, sometimes they look and sound normal, but aren't. She wanted to appear as a friend, but is anything but.

Glad it wasn't OM.

Sounds like exGF is still living in the drama and can't get over him cheating on her and because her and OM's relationship didn't last she has an axe t grind with your W.