In Memory Of My Sister, "Tired Lady" - Marriage Builders® Forums

For anyone who knew my sister Tanya....known here as "Tired Lady".My loving sister passed away last month (June 13th)as a result of massive injuries sustained in a car accident. Tanya was only 41 years old. She leaves behind much more than her 2 children and her family. She apparently leaves behind many, many faceless friends here at this website. Tanya left behind for me an envelope containing approximately a year's worth of her writing here. She had printed out all her letters and the responses. She had scrawled out on a piece of paper her "name" and her password. Wouldn't you know it that she would chose her ex-h's name as her password?She opened herself up to you all here, her vulnerable side, her downright nasty side (and lord knows as the "littlest" sibling, I got the brunt of that) and all her emotions in-between. Out of respect for a sister whom I miss very much and will continue to miss until my dying day, I want to express my thanks to any of you who may somehow have touched her life. She was a wonderful person and a wonderful mother. You would all have been proud to call her "friend".Thanks to all of you for being supportive of Tanya.Sincerely,Pilar (Tanya's sis)

{{{{{{{{Pilar}}}}}}}} Those are CyberHugs....I am sorry about your sisters tragic passing. I did not 'know' her well, but I know of her pain, which has ended now.It sounds like you have had to do this type of thing a lot in your life, I am sorry for that, too. God needs people like you in this world, and people make it hard to be the way you are. I am but 1 in 6 billion, but I appreciate the effort you have made..... Thank You![This message has been edited by waiting_for_her (edited July 06, 2001).]

Dear Pilar,I'm so sorry. I had no idea and I am speechless, and trying to type thru tears. It's heartbreaking.There will be a prayer for you, Tanya, her children, and the rest of your family from me today. Thank you for sharing your love for your sister with us. I'm so moved by this. I wish you all peace.God bless,------------------ Kathy

Pilar:My condolences for your loss. I'll keep your family and the children in my prayers.

Sorry, me again. I remember her. I did a search and I am so sad to read how much pain she was in and the nightmare she was living just a month before. This just makes me realize how precious life is and how it could be cut abruptly short. How important it is to care about other people's pain because we don't know how long we have left.God bless,------------------ Kathy

Pilar...I am so very sorry for your loss.Hugs and prayers--Kathi

Sorry about using Tanya's access. I'm sure it's sorta eerie. I would like to know how you can "search" to just find only her letters. There may be more than what she had printed out in this envelope.Also, is there a way you guys can put this in other areas on this forum where others who may have known her would see this?I would like to eventually print out all these responses and give them to my parents so that they will have some comfort in knowing Tanya was cared about and loved by so many people, even the "faceless" ones.God Bless you all for helping me, Pilar

Hi Pilar,I am so sorry for your pain....I remember Tired Lady too. I hope you can all draw near to God for your comfort and peace. He's the only one who can really give it.To search for all of her posts, you go to the SEARCH link, type in her USER NAME and ask it to SEARCH ALL OPEN FORUMS AND ARCHIVES....leave everything else the way it comes up.Then once you get every thread she posted in, you'll have to search thru each one to find her specific post. Good luck.My prayers are with you. Aloha, Mrs.O

Pilar, I am so sorry, I never knew your sister.I did want to help out and say click on the sunglasses on her user name Tired Lady and then click on search for all..... it is in red on the left side of the screen. Your family is in my prayers today. I am also going to link this on the EN board where I usually post.

I have posted a link to this thread over on the General Questions II forum.------------------ Tempest, Moderator Marriage Builders Infidelity Forums: General Questions II, Just Found Out..., Plan A/Plan B, In Recovery Pregnancy/Child and Read-Only Posts

I remember her and I am truly sorry to hear this. God be with you and your family.Desiree------------------ "Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."Sir Humphry Davy

I am so so sorry to hear this. I was thinking about her yesterday. I never expected this. My sister died suddenly at age 39, we were very close. If there is any consolation I can give you, it's that I know my sister as well as Tanya will always be with us, in our hearts and memories. May God be with you and your family.

Hi Pilar,Ever so sorry to hear of your loss. Yes, Tired Lady did share quite a bit of herself in this forum, her presense will be missed." When the one you love becomes a memory, let the memory become a treasure"Prayers and stuff,Bumper

I knew her, and loved her. I was her friend, as she was mine. I am shocked, truly, and saddened. We had planned to meet several times, but it didn't work out.I am so sorry for your loss... I have no words, just... sympathy...(((((Tanya's family)))))Sheryl

My sincere condolences to you and the family. Knowing that she is in the hands of our maker, I pray that he looks kindly upon the lives of her children. Bless you all!!!------------------ Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!

I joined about a year after Tanya, but I recognize her name Tired Lady, and am very sad to hear of this news. My condolences to you and your family.This website has helped all of us that come here, more than words can say. We all help each other, and regardless of how often you interact with any member, we all share a special bond.I'm so sorry for your loss. It is very thoughtful of you to come here and tell us of your sister's passing. Please take care.

I am so sorry. I was just thinking about Tanya the other day. I thought of her as a friend; I had followed her story pretty much from the beginning, and felt like I knew her well. I don't know what to say.

((((((Tanya's Family))))))I am so, so sorry.Hugs and Prayers, Mitzi [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I got this from a card when my Grandmother passed away. I thought it was beautiful! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

When somebody dies, a cloud turns into an angel and flies up to tell God to put another flower on a pillow. A bird gives the message back to the world and sings a silent prayer that makes the rain cry. People disappear but they never really go away. The spirits up there put the sun to bed, wake up grass and spin the earth in dizzy circles. Sometimes you can see them dancing in a cloud during the daytime when they're supposed to be sleeping. They paint the rainbows and also the sunsets and make waves splash and tug at the tide. They toss shooting stars and listen to wishes. And when they sing windsongs, they whisper to us...Don't miss me too much. The view is nice and I'm doing just fine.Mitzi

Pilar,Your sister had many friends here, as you will see if read through her several hundred posts over the past few years. She shared herself and also offered a lot of support and encouragement to others in the community going through similar struggles.My best wishes and condolences to you and your family as you deal with this loss.

Pilar, you and your family and Tanya's children have my deepest sympathy. Tanya shared much here, her full humanity in the face of an awful and devastating loss. Although I know we virtual friends see only a slice of each others lives, for me Tanya's emotional growth after her divorce was heartening and inspiring through all the pain and sadness. She will be missed.

Pilar and family,May your cherished memories carry you through your time of loss and forever more. They will be your light.My family prays for your family tonight.Gayle

Dear Pilar,I am very sorry for the loss of your sister. I had been just thinking about her today. We live in the same area, though I have never met her. Tanya was going through so much turmoil when we first met here on MB. I really felt bad. It seemed like her world had turned on her. No one should have to suffer so much. Please convey our deepest sympathy to her family. We shared our frustrations, anger and sorrows here and made many friends. At one point I thought she would either call or write. I never had the opportunity to hear from her. I wish I had met her. You and her family are in my prayers and heart. With deepest sympathy,LeAnne.

Pilar:May God grant you comfort in your hour of grief; may He grant eternal rest to your sister.Our prayers and thoughts will you and her family, Godspeed, STL

Pilar:You show the true love of a sister. Like you, my sister knows the value I place in MB. I am so sorry for your and your family's loss. I will be praying for you all. I know the pain of losing a mother and my heart just breaks for those children. I don't know what else to say, just that I am sorry.Ashley

Hi Pilar, I am so so sorry for the loss of Tired Lady /Tanya. She was on these boards when I came on and I followed her story. She was exceptional in her honesty.....and I admired her for it.Thinking of you at this sad time.....LU

I never knew your sister, but wanted to say I am sorry. We are all certainly thinking of her and your family.

Yes, I remember her very well. Like most of us, she was in pain, trying to deal with it, dealing better on some days than others. And also like most of us, she learned a lot from being here.Such a shock...such a shame. I'm so sorry to hear this, for her sake, for yours, and for her children's.Don't ever let anyone tell you that online friends aren't "real." I've found that when I went through my own troubles, my online friends were a Godsend.Let's all hug our loved ones a little closer today in memory of Tanya, who is tired no more.

(((((((Pilar & family)))))))I was also thinking of Tanya last week. I am very sorry for your loss. I cried when I read your post. Tanya always took time to reply to me and I followed her story when I got here also. She will be greatly missed. Prayers and Hugs to you, DanaB

Oh, Pilar, I am so sorry. I remember your sister and think of her often.....we were here much of the time together.Our condolences to you and your family and please know that you are in our prayers.Tanya was a very special person and she will be missed here as well.Love,Lori

Dear Pilar,I want to thank you for coming to the forum and telling us of Tanya's death. She was here during the most devestating time of her life, and yet she was a friend to us. She was an incredibly strong lady.May God be with you and your family.TnT

To Tanya's family, My deepest sympathy on your loss of such a special woman. We were on this board for a long painful time together and she was so amazing. In the midst of her problems, she always reached out to help someone else. Her passing is a loss for all of us. My prayers are with you.

Pilar, Thank you for letting us know. I am very, very sorry. She will be missed. I read Resilant's post on GQII and came looking here. Tears streamed down my face as I read...they still do. How sad. I remember her well, she was a strong, wonderful woman who went through so much pain. You, her children and family are all in my prayers. Thank you, once again. [This message has been edited by Raskal (edited July 08, 2001).]

Pilar,Tanya and I conversed more than a few times. Please accept my condolences and please extend them to your family and hers. This is a tragic thing to happen to someone so young. God Bless, JLPS: The search function sometimes doesn't work well. Another thing you can do is click on the glasses, and in the upper left is a red sentence which states that you can obtain past posts, click on this sentence.

I was able to search back and read many of Tired Lady's early posts. I think it would be appropriate for her sister to chronicle some of that, if not for her ex-hesband, perhaps for her children when they are at an appropriate age.45 or so.

Pilar,Thank you for letting us know what happenned to Tanya. I am so sorry for your loss. I had followed her posts from the beginning and thought about her often.My sympathy & prayers to you & your family.

God's richest blessings and peace uphold you and the family during this devastating time. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I didn't know Tired Lady well... but as others have said, she gave out even though she was in such pain herself.I pray for her children and that the legacy of her life will live on and on.Please convey our love to your entire family.Blessings to you and yours... Nicole

I'm late in responding because I've been out of town.I'm so very sorry to learn of Tanya's death. She was truly a very special lady...one who was strong enough to be totally honest with and about herself.My prayers are with you, her children, and the rest of your family.

Hello this is Pilar. I wish I could change the name here as it must confuse some of the people.I wanted to take a look here and see if my note had been read. I'm pleased to see that so many of you were of support to my sister when she most needed it. I think between this place and her family, she had accepted her situation and was growing to become more independant and had even taken a swing dancing class! I watched her transformation from a vindictive, angry, hurt woman, back to her loving, caring, self. Thank you all for taking time out of your otherwise busy lives to express your condolences. My family, her ex, the kids, all appreciate your kind words.One other thing to MikeC - I have reconsidered printing these things out. I will do it and keep them for myself, but as I'm sure many of you are aware, Tanya was very creative, and perhaps a bit overzealous in her wanting to hurt her ex back for their marital breakup. I think showing these things to her children, no matter their age, would be a great dis-service to her memory. Nor would I wish to alienate their relationship with their father. I hope you all can understand that.Thank you all again for your kind words.Pilar (Tanya's sis)

Pilar....Thank you so very much for taking the time to come and inform Tanya's friends of her passing.....much strength and healing is being wished upon your family from ours.... If and when you have a spare moment, and if it wouldn't be intruding, could you please e-mail me at:**edit**

I want to thank you also, Pilar, for informing us about your sister. She is very special to me.....I'm not around here much anymore and one of the many wonderful people here was kind enough to email me to inform me of your thread. I just couldn't bring myself to write on it until now.....sorry I am late.I want to say so much, yet don't quite have the right words....ya know?Of course, I begin by extending my sympathies to your family and hers. I cannot imagine the emotional upheaval of this sudden loss. I was here throughout Tired Lady's membership and know her situation very well. Conversed with her, as well as her ex, quite a bit. I tried to offer encouragement and support when I could and just listened and cyber-hugged when I couldn't. I wanted to share with you how TL (as I have affectionately referred to her) effected my life....Throughout my MB existance, I have been very blessed to have had certain people come across my path that teach me something valuable and necessary to my growth throughout this marriage/divorce trauma. Not that everyone doesn't affect you in some way.....just that a person comes up with something in such a way and at such a time that allows you one of the treasured "AHA!!!" moments - when you really "get" what is needed to be learned and/or acknowledged.I call these people "my Specials".....TL became "a Special" when she showed me how honest a person could and should be when evaluating their own behaviors and thoughts. She showed me that honestly acknowledging one's negative behavior as well as the positives is the first step to truly clear the way to being able to figure out why you behaved that way to begin with. Without knowing why....we cannot change it.TL became "a Special" for a second time, when she and her exH (EM) taught me that it is possible for civility to be a goal for couples who are splitting - especially if there are children involved. And that it is achieved through honest acknowledgement of one's behaviors and emotional processing.I do not know how far they got towards that goal......but I do know that at the very least - the honesty of self examination helped them on their way.This was very important for me because so many situations.....my own included...are left without a redefined relationship definition. Are we friends? Are we enemies? Are we invisible?......TL and EM at least addressed the fact that the possibility exists to create a newly defined relationship - a possibility that unfortunately is not to prevalent nowadays. Seeing this coming from TL, who was in so much pain still......just reinforced what a wonderful character she had. I wish I had known her better....I wish I had known so much more......I am sure that she could have kept giving me reasons to make her another "special" in my life.Love Ya TL.....Be at Peace!!!BIG HUGS,Sheba(PS - Please extend my best to her Ex if you are in contact and if you or he need to talk or anything, please email me **edit*

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Tired Lady: One other thing to MikeC - I have reconsidered printing these things out. I will do it and keep them for myself, but as I'm sure many of you are aware, Tanya was very creative, and perhaps a bit overzealous in her wanting to hurt her ex back for their marital breakup. I think showing these things to her children, no matter their age, would be a great dis-service to her memory. Nor would I wish to alienate their relationship with their father. I hope you all can understand that.I understand....I haven't read all of TL's posts, and I hadn't seen the behavior you reference, but I certainly wouldn't advise showing anything like that to anyone. But there are many touching posts that show her inner thoughts, and pain, that may give her children some insight into their mother, at some future appropriate time.How are her children and her ex handling this difficult time?

Pilar,I am another one who read this a couple of days ago and was unable to reply until now. I have a few things to say about your sister's actions, she was very hurt with the things that happened in her marriage. ALL of us here know what that is like. I don't care who you are, these situations we deal with here are enough to make anyone lose it. I hope no one ever judges her actions harshly. When your world is turned upside down (no matter how bad that world may seem) it is a horrible thing to endure. Anything she said or did should be looked at with her emotional state at the time in mind. Those who love deeply are usually the most destroyed by these things.I couldn't help but be reminded of the old George Jones song, "He stopped loving her today" (with the genders switched of course) when I read your post.For yourself, the rest of her family and her children most of all I pray that you all find peace and remember the loving woman she was to you. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Deb

This is a terrible thing to hear. My condolences.

Pilar,I didn't follow your sister's situation, but I'm in awe at the affections of everyone responding to you. I would like to add to the growing support here in extending my deepest condolances!God's Blessings!------------------ RECOVER * REFOCUS * REGENERATE ~ BREATHE * RELAXBy Eleanor Roosevelt ~~ <UL TYPE=SQUARE> <LI>"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built." <LI>"No one takes advantage of you without your permission." </UL>

Pilar & Tanya's Family,I cannot begin to express my saddness at this news. I've been on this board for over 3 years now, and I've seen a lot of people come and go... thank you for letting us know.Tanya was a great sorce of strength and companionship for a lot of us. Even if we wern't posting directly to each other, it alway helped to read and know we were not alone. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Keep her memory in your heart and she will be with you always.Thoughts & Prayers, Dawnetta ------------------ There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. -- John Oliver HolmesThe opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. -- Elie Wiesel