So long all you oldies who helped me through all of my darkest days.<p>Catnip, Heavenly, cd, Flowersex, Fluke, Gabbi, Of course Zebrababy, Twiisty, BlueOO, Mrs.Job, anniem, ohbratti1,Mojo7, Tigger4jdt, Tina71, broken_wings, Jenny, whatif?, quakermom, takingcare, mina29, never-be-same, MyCross, Terri,
Math123, Pops, and all the rest of my friends in crisis.<p>I must leave as I no longer feel safe here. My fellow members are now coming down on us who choose no contact with underlying subtle hints that what we choose is wrong for the child.<p>The oc has no knowledge yet of what his/her very existance means to a lot of very humble, loving humans. That the pain he/she is causing others is very real indeed. It is not, as another member said, a child of divorced parents who wanted and accepted this child from God. It is an in the face reminder of what my h and ow did to me and our families. It is a shame for many who do not tell others about. If it were a joy we'd shout it out in joy, but it is in fact a "hidden secret" from many family members here. Right?<p>So I ask, how does including him/her in a marriage when he/she is an outsider from the beginning, helping any one here? Helping oc?
By knowing "bio-dad"?<p>We have a nationaly known family here in Ohio who adopted 2 boys from parents who gave them up and were not married. The parents recently married and came after the one boy and not the other. We are awaiting a ruling from Kentucky (who usually sides with bio-parents on these issues). Now I ask you...what the hel* good is it? The boys are together and w/loving adoptive parents who want them BOTH.
The family adopting are the ASENTE'S.<p>The Kentucky couple are hillbillies.<p>The point is, bio means nothing when forced to deal w/ this unnatural situation.<p>H and I are moving on in spite of whatever you think is right or wrong.<p>It's what WE think in the aftermath of confusion and devastation.<p>So long.
Thanks for all you've done
Love
Debi

Gem.....<p>I wish you would stay, but understand if you must go...in the event that you are still reading posts while I post this...please keep in touch and put me on your mailing list...I care and I want to keep in touch!<p>God bless you and your family and you will always be in my thoughts and prayers...
Hugs,
Twiisty

gemini,,, i am sorry to see you go. i can't remember excatly but i know we have had some disagreements on issues although i think we are on the same page in most instantances. you have given me some much needed support when i needed it most and i wish to thank you. i wish you and your husband the best and a speedy reconciliation.<p>the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence, it's greener where you water it. keep watering your husband and make sure he keeps watering you.

Gem....I am so sorry to see this...you have always posted to me, and welcomed everyone here with such open, caring arms.
I understand what you mean when you say you feel unsafe on the boards...we all have unique situations and the answers all vary from one to the other. We all just need to accept that.
I will miss you and your warmth and I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Check in if you can every now and then ok?
NGU

Gem, Please don't go if it is a crasher who is causing you to leave. We need you here at least from time to time. The newbies, as well as the older guys. I have always found comfort in your encourging words to me.<p>Please check out my newest topic as I have always said there are no right or wrong answers when it comes to contact with oc and I am living proof.

Well if you must go I will stay in touch and drop you a line from time to time. You were one of the first I met here and I will continue to think of you and pray for you, but I will hope to hear from you and will stay in touch. Peace and love to you and your family, your dear friend Gabi<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: gabi1116 ]</p>

Gem,<p>I hope you stay too. Your incite and wisdom has help me through some rough times. I wouldn't let the crasher make me run, who cares what they think we all have our own opinion. Good luck with whatever decsion you make.<p>
Tee<p>[ January 29, 2002: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]</p>

Gem,<p>I don't know what to say. I hate to see someone go for this reason. I would much rather see it for reasons such as Zebrababy gave! You will be missed!!!!!!!!<p>Love and prayers for continued recovery in your marriage.<p>Tigger4jdt<p>See, you are so special that I spelt out my whole screen name [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

You know, from the day I showed up here, I was advocating no contact because I could see how it was ripping the BS's apart.<p>I wanted to encourage those with no contact through sharing my story of how my OC turned out okay (so far) since he is grown and most of the OCs on this board are little bitties.<p>I cannot defend the position of all OWs nor is that my intention, I can only speak for myself. It's a touchy subject and something that is NOT addressed in church every week, either! So what do we do? We have to have a voice somewhere, and this place is a good forum to speak up and say what is on one's mind.<p>The problem is when we start getting impatient, inflammatory and disrespectful. OR when we lose sight of our MB purposes.<p>My OC LOVES GOD! He has a solid foundation where he seeks God on his own, not through his mommie or stepfather. He has a personal relationship with God and I give all the credit to God as the odds were totally against this child being born in the first place! The odds were against it 19 years ago and the odds are against it even now!<p>I'm just here to say that it's OKAY not to have contact because we didn't and we're OKAY!!!! Trust God in everything!<p>I know, preach, preach, preach. Can't help it. God saved both our lives--me/OW, and OC. We'll see what happens when OC gets married. We'll have to see what sort of husband he turns out to be. I guess that will be the real acid test! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] Until then, he has a great mentor in his stepdad. God gave me His love in the flesh! ME--a former OW!!! His mercy is mindboggling.<p>If you have to go, I can understand why, but come back in 20 years when OC is grown and you find out that OC is an upstanding citizen who loves God, okay? Then see who can dispute your decisions. The miracle will settle the issue.

Gem,<p>You will continue to be in my prayers always. <p>May God's Unfailing Love guide your family each and everyday back into His arms. <p>Love,
Julia

gemini,
I'm sorry to hear that you are leaving for such a frustrating reason. Whatever you decide, I hope you find peace and happiness. Lord knows you deserve some after all you've been through! Enjoy that new grandbaby!<p>Hugs,
J

Gem,<p>Ok, now I am going to show my insecure side? Did you mean that I was criticizing you? <p>I don't believe that our solution (visitation) is the only way to go and I don't think that others are wrong for making that decision. Each couple must work out what is best for them--POJA, right?<p>What we do seems to work for us. That's all. I am not a cheerleader on the side of visitation. <p>I hope that I am not the one who offended you. I don't feel like you broke ranks with those of us who visit. <p>I hope you don't leave the board in anger.<p>MJ

Gem,
From the first time I hesitantly posted here you have helped me by giving me support and words of wisdom. When I come here for a lift, you are always one to come forward. Thank you.<p>I wish you and your family well. <p>Tina

Deb,<p>You&#8217;ve been up against rougher situations. Are you going to tell me that, after all the life, love, and tears that you&#8217;ve poured into this forum, you&#8217;re going to turn tail?! Lady, I KNOW you&#8217;re made of tougher stuff! You know full well that not everyone has the same perspective and/or opinion. Please, don&#8217;t let that be the reason you&#8217;re leaving. There is still so much to gain and so much to offer. This forum can still give to you, but more importantly, Gem, is that you ARE needed, wanted and loved here.<p>OB1

Gem,
What's going on? Please explain more what's bugging you. If its what has been going on lately.
Don't let it bother you the people that cant handle the truth even when its so ugly are not worth you leaving. You are a jewel and everyone here that matters feels the same.
with love, flowerseed

Gem,<p>Altho I mostly Lurk on this board, I do know that you are VERY valued by all members here. Please don't let what a few Crashers have said in anger or ignorance drive you alway.<p>You are cared about and needed here. Maybe give this decision a second glance???<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ January 30, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

I have been teaching on a long term assignment, and that has kept me very busy. Yesterday was my last day - so when I woke up this morning I felt a need to check the boards. When I read your message, I felt that I was losing touch with someone who knows what I have been through without my having to explain. At one time you mentioned our e-mailing each other. I am new at the computer, so I do not know how that works. Do I give my e-mail address to "someone" and it gets passed on to you? I do hope you will check your responses from this post. Let me know the process.
I do wish you and your husband many happy days in the future. For whatever reason I felt a "kinship" with you, as I know many other have. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

I have been teaching on a long term assignment, and that has kept me very busy. Yesterday was my last day - so when I woke up this morning I felt a need to check the boards. When I read your message, I felt that I was losing touch with someone who knows what I have been through without my having to explain. At one time you mentioned our e-mailing each other. I am new at the computer, so I do not know how that works. Do I give my e-mail address to "someone" and it gets passed on to you? I do hope you will check your responses from this post. Let me know the process.
I do wish you and your husband many happy days in the future. For whatever reason I felt a "kinship" with you, as I know many other have. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Gemini<p>I am going to try posting another reply. I am new at computers - and for whatever reason my last reply to you did not get posted.
I stated that I just finished a long term teaching assignment yesterday, and that today I felt a "need" to come online. I read your message and felt that I was losing touch with someone who understands how I feel without my having to tell my complete story. At one time you mentioned e-mailing. How is that done? Do I give my e-mail address to "someone", and then it gets passed on to you? I hope you read this, and then pass on that information to me. I will try again at having this posted.

Gemini<p>I am going to try posting another reply. I am new at computers - and for whatever reason my last reply to you did not get posted.
I stated that I just finished a long term teaching assignment yesterday, and that today I felt a "need" to come online. I read your message and felt that I was losing touch with someone who understands how I feel without my having to tell my complete story. At one time you mentioned e-mailing. How is that done? Do I give my e-mail address to "someone", and then it gets passed on to you? I hope you read this, and then pass on that information to me. I will try again at having this posted.

Sorry about the duplications - I just figured out about page 2.

Hi math,
I've sent my e-mail address to the moderators to send to you. When you signed up here you had to give an address for moderators to reach you by e-mail. <p>If not, ask any moderator for my address and they will send it.<p>I don't have a lot of time anymore as my job has increased in hours due to new health insurance for h and me. We were self-pay before and now I have been offered a plan w/my job.<p>I would love to drop you a line from time to time.
I'm happy you checked in today.<p>To all the rest of you who replied, it's just that I'm sick of feeling like I must defend our decisions(h and I).<p>Dear Maryjanes (Mrs. Job), heavens no! you never hurt me! I wish you the best on your pending adoption w/the boys.<p>Pops, we really never clashed. I never thought so anyway. I pray for you daily. Somehow your story hit me hard. It's happened once more here, a while ago. I still talk w/that person to this day and pray for them as a couple. I really feel for you. I guess it's our "old age" and number of years we've been married that drew me close to your situation. Also the rawness of your bleeding heart and how you begged for answers from us. I stumbled through trying to help you. I hope you and fh water each others grass forever too. Oh yeah, that grass on the other side of the fence , needs mowed....down to the ground!!!<p>OB! you made me shed a tear over your post. I wish you and Jonas peace. You telling me how ow may have been feeling in our horrible things of past spring encouraged me more than you'll know. Thankyou.<p>Flowersex, I need to stay away now. I have to think of other things for now. I'll check in again, but no time soon. Thanks for saving my life the day I drove to "their" parking lot of lust and wanted to swallow pills and have h find me there. I'm a long way from that day!<p>Twiisty, NGU, Gabbi, Tee, Tigger4jdt, Julia, Tina, Jenny (sweet fired up Jenny), and Jo, thaks for your sweet words.<p>Now BTDT, I have to say you have helped me from the "other side". I was cautious of you at first. The words you write to BS here are a real help at times of despair. Your love of God and what is "right" shines through BS webs of sorrow like the brightest star in the heavens. I adore your style. Keep it up, they need you.<p>Everyone I will check in from time to time.<p>We meet w/lawyer at 4 pm today (y-a-w-n)...to try and settle this cs and health insurance thing out of court. The one kahuna is ow insists on our surname. H will do nothing until birth certificate is produced w/her married name on it. Just like it was at the hospital. Lawyer says it's an easy court win if she won't concede.<p>I also am currently checking out laws on stalking in my state. Besides threats in magic marker on h's business building, ow to this day does her morning walk past my home. Get this, she drives and parks her car in a lot nearby, gets out and does her Power-walk past here each day. H doesn't always see her, nor do I, but our neighbors do! Bold eh? When h and I DO see her h goes on about how she's a bytch and why can't she just move on and let-it-go? No one will MAKE us move....I have an idea! I still walk after work. I may park near HER home from now on and do my 3 miles circling her neighborhood....heh..heh...heh...<p>love
Debi

Gem, I understand hope everything goes o.k. today. Hey make sure your twins are getting some sunshine when you do your power walking. I will keep in touch with email.
with love flowerseed

Gem! You are so proud of the twins that you walk around topless? Is that what FlowerSex meant about them getting some sun?<p>Both our little guys have rickets (lack of vitamin D). They will need some treatment when they get here, part of which is just a little exposure to sunshine (10 minutes) every day with no sunscreen and no shirts. But...I think you are taking this rickets prevention program of yours too far! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] sunglasses OK, sunscreen not.<p>Walk them bad boys proudly right past exOW's! You go girls! I suppose that they are identical girl twins, right?<p>Wishing you all the best,
MJ<p>[ January 31, 2002: Message edited by: MaryJanes ]</p>

Debi,<p>Good luck! Stop by every now and then and let us know how things are going.<p>
Tee