Hey all T2L is currently in a court room going head to head with her WH. He is trying weasle his way out of paying support for his family and lying about his affair.

Please say a prayer for her as she is fighting the good fight against a man so lost he will probally never find his own soul.

May God's justice and not man's, prevail.

From your lips to gods own ears.

Im praying for you T2L, I know you were kind of in the same sitch as me I think.....Good luck.

Good luck T2L. Punch his lights out. Will say a prayer for you.

Well things in court didn't go as T2L hoped. Slimeball got away with paying $1000 less support than they need. Which means T2L will have to move again.

Also of course he lied under oath...no surprise there.

But luckily her DS will not have to go visit his dad at the Barf shack. His dad will have to schedule visitation at T2L's house/city.

then she needs to get a JOB like has been said in the past. Why is it when a SAHD comes on here telling his story posters say get a job,support yourself and your children,your not working and that makes you look weak in your wifes eyes,and ect. But when a SAHM comes on here posters say make that slime ball pay,he should pay you because that was your carreer, you are intitled to support and ect. Also when a ex goes back to school our advances there pay the other ex expects more support. I dont think that is fair. If the other ex spouce wants more support they can advance themselfs. WHATS FAIR IS FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow, dsd, this must have HIT a nerve?

Reallity is there is not enough money to support two households at the same level as prior to the divorce. In fact, I can argue that at least in my state the child support calculator does a pretty good job of balancing incomes and standards of living. Since exWW is minimally employed, I am paying her pretty much the max CS based on my income. My support order can be divided into thirds - one third is CS directly to her, one third is daycare, the other third is what I retain to support the kids when they are with me since we currently have 50/50. I'm also paying all of the medical insurance as well as all unreimbursed medical expenses. It comes out to about 40% of my gross goes to support the kids. My exWW's beef is she is only seeing a third of the money to support the kids - if I was EOW dad, she would be getting the day care portion, as well as my portion that I retain to support the kids. T2L's situation seems to be similar to my sitch - there's just not enough money to go around once CS is calculated in.

Any alimony that my exWW could potentially be oawarded would SIGNIFICANTLY impact my ability to support the kids - I'm already paying the "maximum" to support the kids based on my income. I would imagine T2L's exWH is in the same boat as me. It's a fact of life and one of the harsh realities of divorce. Both parties get hit hard financially when kids are involved in a divorce.

Yeah, I am also a SAHM, my H and I both made that decision.

My WH recently called me and told me to get a job he needs a new car...my DS is 8 he needs me now more than ever...Its not that I dont want to get one...

HE NEEDS A NEW CAR TO SEE OW WHO LIVES AN HOUR AWAY. A CAR THAT WOULD NOT BE RUN DOWN IF HE WAS NOT DRIVING AN HOUR BACK AND FORTH FOR FOUR YEARS. A CAR THAT HE WOULD NOT NEED IF HE WERE HOME WHERE HE BELONGS ...I WILL BE DAM#ED IF I GET A JOB TO PAY FOR HIS CONDO, AFFAIR EXPENSES AND A NEW CAR. I AM NOT GOING TO SUPPORT HIS AFFAIR! HOW ABOUT OW PAYS FOR THEIR AFFAIR, HOW ABOUT THAT!

Hows that for touching a nerve....


Okay now, T2L...I am sorry you are getting less than expected...esp since you jacka$$ of an ex LIED...Ughhhh, but at least your child does not have to associate with skankho...God Bless.

Oh sorry, my point being that T2L deserves every penny she got and even the pennies she didnt get from her WXH.

When a SAHD comes on here Many if not close to ALL say get a Job so that you can show her that you arent dependent on her(weak),life will go on with or without her,needy and ect.Then when a SAHM comes on her many of the posters say sock it to him,take his pension,401k, get what you can and ect.Examples are PAT45 and LG are a few recent ones.I am just saying it seems one sided on and its that way in many states. I have seen many of times when a couple gets D one of the exes will go back to school to better themselfs and the other ex thinks they are automaticly entitled to bennifit. I think that is wrong. not saying that support should be increased do to inflation and medical. Many times the man might loose his job do to the economy and has to take a lesser paying job and in order to get his support lowered he most hire a attorney and that can be thousands that he or she does nt have. I am say it should be equal after all there are equal rights !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also did nt T2L husband have to take a lesser job or pay cut of some kind? Again I am not saying what he did was right. I just noticed the difference in posting to a SAHD verses a SAHM on here and in many state laws in regards to fathers rights!

dsd-


This thread wasn't about SAHM and SAHD's rights. It was a request for prayers for T2L who was going into court to face a very wayward and entitled spouse.

IMO-it doesn't matter if the BS was a wage earner or a stay-at-home parent when they go to court to face this kind of destructive evil. It's about support.

If you want to debate the treatment of SAHD's and SAHM's on this site-start a new thread.

well said. Our prayers are with you.

DSD for your information....T2L's WH requested her to be a SAHM....he earned a significant income and still does currently.

Unfortunatly his fantasy life and drunken party filled moments and making OW happy top the list before supporting the family he walked out on. T2L does not have any work skills. She has not worked period. Even her DD 18 is having problems finding a job right out of high school.

T2L has enrolled and just started attending college to achieve the education to get a good job to support her son. She is doing what she can in this situation and staying strong for her children whom she also home schooled. That in itself is a tremendous job.

Look every one gets screwed over when their spouse is having an affair.

For men with WW, they are either kicked out of their houses on false charges, having to support the WW if she is a SAHM, for a period of time, so he ends up supporting her affair too.

For women with a WH, who upon marriage decide to stay home with the kids, with the husband's OK, they get screwed because now they have no work skills and the chances of them making an income like the one their WH is pulling in is not going to happen. Now they most than likely have to downside everything, get spousal support for a limited time, go back to school, and with small kids, get daycare, another expense added to the downfall.

For men who decide to stay home with the kids, hate to say this but the times have not caught up us they are still frown down upon and people do have that "get a job" mindset and how the man is suppose to be the bread winner and support the family.

The BS, either sex is getting screwed which ever way you look at it, the men have to pay and yet get less time with the kids, the women have to get a job sometimes any job to support themselves and are at the will of their wayward H, with the payments coming on time.

T2L is smart and energenic. She will land on her feet. I will say a prayer, tho.

I am glad she is attending school. In this economy everyone needs education/skills beyond high school.

When a spouse cheats and leaves his/her spouse and family for OP....they have started a war, a war that every BS has a right to fight, for themselves and their children...to me some of it is monetary compensation for the horrible pain and callousness of an A ...No one is a winner in this war...but the BS didnt start it. T2L was fighting for what she deserved...she is a smart woman and I know she will be fine.

((((((((((T2L))))))))))))

Thank you all for the wonderful support for our fellow MBer.

[quote=swan's song]Look every one gets screwed over when their spouse is having an affair.

For men with WW, they are either kicked out of their houses on false charges, having to support the WW if she is a SAHM, for a period of time, so he ends up supporting her affair too.

For women with a WH, who upon marriage decide to stay home with the kids, with the husband's OK, they get screwed because now they have no work skills and the chances of them making an income like the one their WH is pulling in is not going to happen. Now they most than likely have to downside everything, get spousal support for a limited time, go back to school, and with small kids, get daycare, another expense added to the downfall.

For men who decide to stay home with the kids, hate to say this but the times have not caught up us they are still frown down upon and people do have that "get a job" mindset and how the man is suppose to be the bread winner and support the family.

The BS, either sex is getting screwed which ever way you look at it, the men have to pay and yet get less time with the kids, the women have to get a job sometimes any job to support themselves and are at the will of their wayward H, with the payments coming on time.

edit to add- That right her on this forum SAHM or treated diffrernt than SAHD. NO debate needed look at the facts!!!!!!!!I didnt think it would be a TJ as getting a job in todays economy has been forced onto many, betrayed or not!I too wish T2L the best of luck and felt very sorry for her and her family. Her post poured out love to her WH and children.

T2L's WH walked away from his responsibilities of supporting his family. And T2L is left with the kids and the bills without decent support. She didn't cause this. She didn't ask for this. This is all a result of WH's affair.

T2L wasn't greedy or asking for the moon. Just enought to keep a roof over her kids' heads, food on the table, the electricity on, gas in the car, insurance... the basics. What she got is not enough to do that even on a temporary basis.

It's a crime that the breadwinner in the family can just walk away and not have to pay the minimum amount to keep his family stable until the divorce is final. The family is already emotionally scarred.... must they also be worried about the wolf at their door?

WH has a roof over his head in the barf shack he shares with OW. And OW has a decent salary for the two of them. And WH isn't hurting as far as spending money on himself.

T2L's WH is just like my WH.... trying to teach us a lesson. A lesson for not going along with their plan. You know.... the plan that EVERYONE deserves to be happy. And we -- the BSs -- just need to roll over and play dead and not fight one bit. Because angry children do not blend well. And exposure is uncomfortable. And other people in our business isn't cool.

So... T2L... just try to keep your head above water. You will not drown. Your kids, your family and your friends will not let you. We are praying for you.

{{{{{{{{T2L}}}}}}}}}

I sometimes think I'm missing something when these discussions happen here.

The SAHSpouse agrees most times with the other spouse to stay at home and raise children whilst the WS pursues a career. Most times both spouses have agreed to bring children into the M, and the WS has acted like they are pleased to have these dependents.

The WS then spots a more exciting candidate fot their affections and decides that the family they have created and promised to support is surplus to requirements.

The WS then decides that their dollars shoud be withdrawn from the SAHS so that the WS can support the new exciting lifestyle. The SAHS is supposed to accept this and say "oh well, that;s the way to cookie crumbles?????? I really don't think so.

When you make a vow and then you add children, then for me you are making a solemn promise. Breaking that promise should never be easy. If the WS's personal transitory happiness is more important than their integrity and their vows, then let them eat crumbs. Crumbs is all they deserve. All their dollars should be paid over to support the lifestyle that their BS's and their children were promised.

Gender seems to me to be irrelevant.

Well said, Holy and Serendipitous, Well said.

This thread perfectly illustrates the incredible burden the Family Courts have in these cases. T2L and my exWW are both in very similar financial states. Both are SAHM's, and have to start over. Yet, T2L elicits a lot of sympathy because she did not ask for her situation whereas my exWW willingly had an affair with an unemployed deadbeat dad AND moved the guy in.

However, both T2L and my exWW feel they both have the same claims to entitlements. The only difference is T2L did not have a choice. However, in the eyes of the court, both of them are SAHM's who's marriage is broken. Not a wife who tried every thing to keep her family together vs a wife who WILLINGLY jumped off the ledge to financial ruin.

I know I dont like that unfairness...its just not right...

Claiming and deserving are not the same.

PSUB is right.
The courts can NOT look at infidelity in most settlements (no fault).
It gives another perspective

This is spot on and absolutely why the courts should be looking at infidelity. One other huge difference between BW's like T2L and WW's like PSU's ex is that these WW's are now living with the OM who is (supposedly) contributing to the household as well. In some cases, the OM (or OW) is quite well off. T2L has nobody but herself, but her WH does. Look at HH's WH and all his trips to Vegas, yet she's stuck with all the responsibilities. Not sure about the US but here in Canada, the OP's finances are never considered when it comes to CS at any time. Even if the OP isn't an OP, but if the exspouse with custody were to get married down the road to a millionaire, the CS-paying exspouse is still required to pay. It would be bad enough if both exes had say in the divorce but adultery leaves the BS without any choices at all.

Is T2L okay?

Maybe if adultery were considered or if it werent so easy just to throw your spouse away when you are done...more WS would at least try to work on their M...

OK all points made have weight behind them...But how to we (the people) get the laws change so people can and will be held accountable for their actions.

You want out of your marriage then you should think about how much it will be costing you, a marriage is a contract just like others and when you break that contract there should be consequences, remember Kim Bassinger (sp?) was sued when she quite Boxing Helena.

If I was king for the day, here's how I would change the divorce laws:

1. All states use the same child support formula.
2. Once you cohabitate, you are inelligible for alimony. Some states (like mine) already do this. Your ex spouse should not help your new romantic interest. However, it cuts both ways. If you cohabitate and are paying alimony, your cohabitation partner's income gets included in how much you can pay.
3. Rebuttable persumption of 50/50 shared custody coming out of the gates.
4. Tax deduction for the the kids goes off the Child support calculation and is prorated by how much each parent supports the kids. Very easy to do if the CS calculations are nationwide. Right now, I am paying 98% of all expenses to the kids. But, if I had the kids 1 less night this year, techinically exWW would be able to claim the kids and not me.
5. If you are married and file your taxes as married, joint, your new spouse's income should be included in the child support calculation. Currently they are benefiting from the tax deduction but have no obligation to the step kids

Where do I sign?

To PSUBiker's laws, I would add that in the event of adultery, the WS is entitled to take only their personal belongings from the marital assets. After all, they broke the contract prematurely (ie. before death).

De-T2L is holding her own. She is extremely busy with school and home life. She took on a large amount or credits this semester but she is soldiering on. Also her friends are throwing her a b-day bash to celebrate her 40th b-day. I am flying down saturday afternoon to attend along with my cousin. She really deserves it with all the hard work she is doing.