father's relationship with adult children - 06/17/15 10:14 PM
I have a concern I am not sure how to address. I am married to a man who I will describe as very kind and selfless, with many other terrific qualities. Second marriage for both of us, and we both have adult children- 1 each living with us. The issue is, though, that his identity seems to be completely wrapped up in his kids. It seems we almost never have a conversation where they do not come up. I have a pleasant and developing relationship with the one who lives at home, and she is not a problem in any way, but frankly I feel pushed aside much of the time. I know there were abandonment issues with him and the children from a previous marriage so maybe this is where this is coming from. How can I address this and at the same time communicate my needs for some undivided attention? It just seems odd that he almost never says "I" if we're talking about some like or dislike (i.e. a TV show, food, etc)- it's always "(daughter) and I" went to this restaurant, or saw this movie, or enjoyed this TV show, etc. It's not like I don't think they should have a relationship, or that he should never talk about her, but maybe I'm not comfortable with how close it is and how much priority it takes over our marriage.