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Joined: Feb 2009
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I don't know what to do. Muted Sparkle has done it to me again. I feel foolish that I let her do this to me again. We have friends from church get alot of people to donate money to send us to a weekend to remember, saying the vows to each others face at the end of the weekend, and she has been staying in contact with the OM since Feb.Yes Feb. she cant even put her correct NC date down because she is worried about judgment here. 50 calls between them last month alone. I am so tired of all the lies. Lies to me. Lies to our MC. Lies to our friends at church. I am so embarrassed. This whole time getting mad at me because I won't trust her. And she expects me to belive that there has been no physical contact between them for the last 4 months. Nooo, he just sat there waiting around for her because she has been telling the poor guy that she had filed for divorce. How much more do i take? I feel so numb right now. God help me please.


BS (me)- 43
WW (her) 39 MutedSparkle
DS - 8
DS - 5
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Spartan, I'm so sorry that you find yourself in this spot again. I know that it's heartbreaking.

What do you want to do? Have you had time to think about that? What has she said about it?

Last edited by Verve; 04/23/09 02:08 AM. Reason: added something

You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The person who is always finding fault seldom finds anything else.

I pity the fool. - Mr. T
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Spartan, this does not surprise me. I'm so sorry.

I'm an FWW and my BS (and that's not Betrayed Spouse) detector has been off the radar with MS right from when she first posted.

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Can you set her phone to forward calls to your OR switch phones? Heck swith the SIM cards if you phones use sim cards.

IS muted here? So tell me whats so spectaculare that you allow this to go on? DO you have a voice sweetie? can you use it to say...HEY DON'T CALL ME ANYMORE? Your never going to be able to move forward and heal your marriage if you allow yourself to continuously fall in to this trap.

Look at your husband....because I know he's with you.....look at what it's doing to him. Now hand him your phone and you need to be COMPLETELY TRANSPARENT.....thats the first step to getting through this....let Spartan be your shoulder....there will be rough days yes...no one EVER said it was easy.....but they did say with hard work comes great rewards.

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Spartan,

I am so sorry.

I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now.


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Originally Posted By: Spartan
I don't know what to do. Muted Sparkle has done it to me again. I feel foolish that I let her do this to me again. We have friends from church get alot of people to donate money to send us to a weekend to remember, saying the vows to each others face at the end of the weekend, and she has been staying in contact with the OM since Feb.Yes Feb. she cant even put her correct NC date down because she is worried about judgment here. 50 calls between them last month alone. I am so tired of all the lies. Lies to me. Lies to our MC. Lies to our friends at church. I am so embarrassed. This whole time getting mad at me because I won't trust her. And she expects me to belive that there has been no physical contact between them for the last 4 months. Nooo, he just sat there waiting around for her because she has been telling the poor guy that she had filed for divorce. How much more do i take? I feel so numb right now. God help me please.


Just wanted to post and let you know how sorry I am for what you are going through. hug

I have read MS's thread but have not posted to her because I have not quite been able to "buy into" what I have read. A lot of what she says seems to be geared to what she believes people want to hear, and what will win her brownie points and win friends. Maybe it is part of her desperate need for admiration? It has made me feel a little uncomfortabe for some time.

I think she has a real difficulty in being open and honest about what is going on in her head, maybe again because she knows that if she spills the truth, all the admiration she has been receiving will quickly disappear. Why does she have the need to be admired above all else, and for me the big question is how can you fill this need without respecting her? I'm sure it is difficult for you at the moment to have respect for your WW?

I hope that she wants to fix herself but that will begin by her being honest. TOTALLY HONEST. She cannot carry on trying to be everything to everybody and telling everybody what they want to hear just so that everyone can meet HER need for admiration.

I'm sure people here will have a different take on the situation but that is my opinion based on what I have read.

She is and has been getting a lot of great advice from lots of vets so if she wants to she can put in the necessary work to rebuild your M, but it will be a long long road for the pair of you, and I think you will need to do a lot of work snooping and verifying all that she says and does in order to slowly rebuild some level of trust. How about a polygraph?

As a fellow BS you are in my thoughts and I wish you the very best.


Me - BW
FWH - BB -(PA Jul 08 - Aug 08)
D-Day - 8 Aug 2008
Recovering nicely


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I am sorry Spartan. I am also one of those who lurked and read Muted's thread, but never posted because she kept seeming to say you didn't want to come around her, but I knew there had to be a reason.
She has been telling lies to the good vets here, telling lies to you and obviously OM too. Hence his anger and their 30 min call because she went away with you for that weekend to rekindle your marriage. While telling him she was divorcing you.
Her biggest fear is that the people here will tell you to leave her. Her fear will very well come true.
It's hard to fight a war when your own troops are killing themselves.
And how long can a person take dishonesty and manipulation. Only you can answer that for yourself Spartan.

I can tell you for a fact..the people on MB are very disappointed in her. We are all wondering will she be woman enough to face the good peole who have poured out their wisdom and empathy to her on this board. Even those who willingly gave her their personal information to help her.
She calls her thread

MUTEDSPARKLE'S JOURNEY BACK TO SPARTAN

she's obviously on the wrong road..time to get on the right one or don't travel at all.

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Sorry to hear about her and the OM. One thing that is a concern, as soon as she gets caught, she falls back on her faith, like "OK now I will REALLY mean it." She seems like she never fully committed to reconciling your marriage. How did you catch her or did she confess to calling him. This is important.

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Spartan,

First of all, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You were deceived and not the deceiver. You can stand before your friends proudly having fought for your marriage.

We're here for you how ever this goes from here.

Mark

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(((((Spartan)))))

I'm so very sorry that you are going through this...You don't deserve it, and Mark is right, YOU have NOTHING to be ashamed of...

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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I told Sparkle and I'm telling you, she reminds me of another WW that used to post here a long time ago. I told her I didn't want Sparkle to become like this woman, but I could see it happening.

Only Sparkle can change Sparkle.

It's time for her actions to match her words.

Oh, and Spart? You've done nothing wrong.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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Originally Posted By: KiwiJ
...my BS (and that's not Betrayed Spouse) detector has been off the radar with MS right from when she first posted.



Mine, too, Jen.

Spartan, I am so sorry.


Happily married to HerPapaBear



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Jeeze, first Coho now Sparkle. So sorry Spartan. Protect yourself.


Me: FWH / BS (36)
W: BS / WW (37)
Two youngsters
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Quote:
I have read MS's thread but have not posted to her because I have not quite been able to "buy into" what I have read. A lot of what she says seems to be geared to what she believes people want to hear, and what will win her brownie points and win friends. Maybe it is part of her desperate need for admiration? It has made me feel a little uncomfortabe for some time.


She knows how to manipulate the people here very well. She knows exactly what to say to turn them back to her side without giving her the 2x4's she deserves.

Quote:
...my BS (and that's not Betrayed Spouse) detector has been off the radar with MS right from when she first posted.


Yep.

I am so sorry, Spartan. I'm so glad you're here to get help for yourself. Please continue to post.


BW-31
FWH-32(skald)
DD-5
In Recovery
"Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

"To Err is Human. To Arr is Pirate."
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Sorry for your pain Spartan. You have no reason to be embarrassed. MS should be ashamed. Put it all on her where it belongs.

I never had to endure a false recovery with broken NC but I honestly don't think I would have tolerated it. We are all different and you need to decide whether she is worth the risk or if you simply don't have it in you.



BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Oh Spartan, it hurts so much to read this. Please continue to post here so that the wonderful people here can help you. I am so very sorry.


BW-me-56
FWH-GreenMile-62
Married 1982
2 wonderful grown sons

D Day #1 4/1985
D Day #2 10/03/08
D Days continued for a while.

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Except to her references to her faith. This could have literally been written by Coho Salmon. Admission to everything, agree with all criticism, profess your love for spartan. I think Spartan is right to be very concerned. No man is going to hang around for 4 months without getting encouragement from the WS. She is a serial cheater of the highest order. Her deception is so masterful, that she is able to carry on a 3 year affair, reconcile that and with no conscience, and after getting ANOTHER chance, turns right around and starts another PA. Now everything is the devils fault.

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Spartan - Please read NCWs threads if you can find them. His devotion to his family and God reminds me of your situation.

He is a good, Godly man.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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Originally Posted By: Spartan
I don't know what to do. Muted Sparkle has done it to me again. I feel foolish that I let her do this to me again. We have friends from church get alot of people to donate money to send us to a weekend to remember, saying the vows to each others face at the end of the weekend, and she has been staying in contact with the OM since Feb.Yes Feb. she cant even put her correct NC date down because she is worried about judgment here. 50 calls between them last month alone. I am so tired of all the lies. Lies to me. Lies to our MC. Lies to our friends at church. I am so embarrassed. This whole time getting mad at me because I won't trust her. And she expects me to belive that there has been no physical contact between them for the last 4 months. Nooo, he just sat there waiting around for her because she has been telling the poor guy that she had filed for divorce. How much more do i take? I feel so numb right now. God help me please.


Spartan,

I haven't posted to you before but I felt a need to offer my sympathy. You have no reason to be ashamed. You have fought for your marriage as best you could under the circumstances. What you do from here is up to you and I'm sure everyone here will support you in your decision. Hang in there and keep the faith.....

Want2Stay


BS-me 36
FWW-34
DS-7 & DS-3
PA - 7/06-8/06
EA - 6/06-1/07
D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06
Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07
My Story
My Wife's Story
---------------------
Healing one day at a time.....
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Spartan, I am so sorry to hear this. I haven't posted to either you or your W but I have definitely been in your shoes.


Chrysalis
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