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#2647200 07/18/12 01:47 AM
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Prisca Offline OP
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Markos is not living at home anymore. He had another AO and is gone. We had an agreement last time this happened that if he did it again, he would leave and get help.

He yelled at me in front of the kids, bringing up things I said during my EA and rubbing it in my face. He told me he doesn't love me.

He is very resentful, and he blames me for that. He says I never listen to his complaints. He says I never do anything for him, that I'm not serious. He spent the last few hours berating me from his hotel over this.

I feel stabbed in the back.

He says I had an AO on Sunday, and again today. I am rereading Dr. Harley's AO chapter and looking at anger management.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2647201 07/18/12 01:53 AM
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Originally Posted By: Prisca
Markos is not living at home anymore. He had another AO and is gone. We had an agreement last time this happened that if he did it again, he would leave and get help.

He yelled at me in front of the kids, bringing up things I said during my EA and rubbing it in my face. He told me he doesn't love me.

He is very resentful, and he blames me for that. He says I never listen to his complaints. He says I never do anything for him, that I'm not serious. He spent the last few hours berating me from his hotel over this.

I feel stabbed in the back.

He says I had an AO on Sunday, and again today. I am rereading Dr. Harley's AO chapter and looking at anger management.


Oh prisca I'm so sorry. hug

Did you have an AO?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Prisca #2647226 07/18/12 04:03 AM
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Originally Posted By: Prisca
Markos is not living at home anymore. He had another AO and is gone. We had an agreement last time this happened that if he did it again, he would leave and get help.

He yelled at me in front of the kids, bringing up things I said during my EA and rubbing it in my face. He told me he doesn't love me.

He is very resentful, and he blames me for that. He says I never listen to his complaints. He says I never do anything for him, that I'm not serious. He spent the last few hours berating me from his hotel over this.

I feel stabbed in the back.

He says I had an AO on Sunday, and again today. I am rereading Dr. Harley's AO chapter and looking at anger management.



Sorry to hear this.


Have you two still been struggling to get appropriate UA time each week?

While AO's are never excusable, do you have any idea what triggered it?

What triggered those which you had?


"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR
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I thought Dr. Harley said AO's are temporary insanity, and often are based on frustration. I am currently reading about this as well.

This saddens me because he was posting to many about this issue. I really thought he had overcome his AO's ...

Are you going to post Markos today about this?

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Oooo Prisca, I'm so sorry to hear this frown

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So sorry Prisca. frown

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((((((Prisca))))))))


Ddays 2007 and 2011
Plan B 6/21/11
Divorced July 2012
2 kids
How to Plan B Correctly
Parallel Parenting in Plan B
Prisca #2647381 07/18/12 11:37 AM
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Originally Posted By: Prisca
Markos is not living at home anymore. He had another AO and is gone. We had an agreement last time this happened that if he did it again, he would leave and get help.

He yelled at me in front of the kids, bringing up things I said during my EA and rubbing it in my face. He told me he doesn't love me.

He is very resentful, and he blames me for that. He says I never listen to his complaints. He says I never do anything for him, that I'm not serious. He spent the last few hours berating me from his hotel over this.

I feel stabbed in the back.

He says I had an AO on Sunday, and again today. I am rereading Dr. Harley's AO chapter and looking at anger management.


How can we help?

Prisca #2647382 07/18/12 11:39 AM
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Quote:
He spent the last few hours berating me from his hotel over this.



???? How?

Do you mean by texts? Emails? Phone?

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Yes. What can we do to help?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



Prisca #2647391 07/18/12 11:56 AM
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frown


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Originally Posted By: Pepperband
Quote:
He spent the last few hours berating me from his hotel over this.



???? How?

Do you mean by texts? Emails? Phone?




The reason I ask "How?" is this .....

No one should listen/read HOURS of insulting remarks.
Prisca should have made a hasty exit after 5-10 minutes of this.

The response to a tirade of abuse is silence..... by means of not being there, not reading the texts or emails, not listening to any voice mails, etc.

A temporary Plan B is the sane response to insanity.
Any person involved in an AO-fest is (by Marco's own words) INSANE.

Never argue with the insane, they win by virtue of experience.

Prisca #2647417 07/18/12 01:12 PM
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Originally Posted By: Prisca

I feel stabbed in the back.



STOP doing this on this forum.

Call your MB coach and fix this properly.

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Quote:
How can we help?

The main reason I posted was because of Dr. Harley's advice -- I am in the process of letting friends and family know what's going on in hopes he'll be motivated to STOP.

So you knowing is really what I need.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2647429 07/18/12 01:47 PM
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Prisca Offline OP
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Quote:
Did you have an AO?

He says I did. What I remember is beginning to feel angry, and then shutting up and turnning away to specifically avoid an AO. He was pretty upset that I stopped talking to him, and kept pushing me to talk.

I do know I DJ'd him.

I've signed up for anger management.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2647434 07/18/12 01:50 PM
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How did you allow this to last for a few hours?

Prisca #2647436 07/18/12 01:59 PM
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Prisca Offline OP
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Quote:
Sorry to hear this.

Have you two stillbeenstruggling to getappropriate UAtime each week?

Yes. I have been complaining about the amount for at least a month. And we just lost our babysitter last week.

Quote:
While AO's are never excusable,do you haveany idea what triggered it?
my DJs coupled with his resentment.

Quote:
What triggered those which you had?

His DJs.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2647439 07/18/12 02:06 PM
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Prisca, so sorry to hear about this. I love you guys and the way you post together. You're awesome.

There is no excuse NONE for an AO against you which brings up your EA, of course. That is very abusive.

But you are still responsible for your reactions.


Originally Posted By: Prisca
Quote:
Did you have an AO?


What I remember is beginning to feel angry, and then shutting up and turnning away to specifically avoid an AO.


'What you remember' implies you don't fully remember the incident. Which implies an AO. I know because I've been there. If you needed to turn away, then you were angry. Turning away does not sheild you from your anger at what you are hearing, it simply fuels the situation. You didn't leave. You stayed and fuelled the situation so you could have an angry release in response. So the answer to the question is 'yes'.

Originally Posted By: Prisca

I do know I DJ'd him.
.


What was the DJ?

Originally Posted By: Prisca

I've signed up for anger management.


Excellent! This is taking responsibility.


What would you do if you were not afraid?

"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.

Prisca #2647440 07/18/12 02:07 PM
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Quote:
How did you allow this to last for a few hours?

I know you are supposed to shut up and walk away.
That is what I usually do.
that is what I tell others to do.
I was stupid.


Markos' Wife
FWW - EA
8 kids ...
What to do with an Angry Husband

Prisca #2647476 07/18/12 04:32 PM
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Originally Posted By: Prisca
Quote:
How did you allow this to last for a few hours?

I know you are supposed to shut up and walk away.
That is what I usually do.
that is what I tell others to do.
I was stupid.


Thank you. I thought that was what happened.
I figured that was probably your largest contribution to why this went as far as it did.
You fought back.

You recognize your mistake. That's good.

I disagree that stupidity played any part in this.
More like pridefullness.
Wanting to "get him back". Or, "straighten him out". Am I right?

Did you say anything you wish you could scoop up and shove back in your mouth & never utter?

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