My WW is now upset because our children learned about her affairs over X-mas. The children are D23 and D21 and S13, and the S13 is telling her that he is upset with her and to go away he does not want to talk to her, or see her. My WW moved out in June 2010, so we have been seperated for over 6 months now. We were beginning to make some good progress, but now she is telling me that she does not have the warm fuzzy feeling for me she had just 1-4 weels ago. I know this is the "I Am Mad" personality talking, so I just remain calm and let her know that the sooner we get back to recovery the sooner our family will get better. I have read lots and lots of threads on here about all these topics, and this site is a wealth of knowledge and experience for those who have already been down this rocky road. I am not seeing much humility in her, and she was telling me about some landmark case where a guy used his wifes emails to expose the truth and now he was in trouble. I am like most everyone on MB in that I do not believe that either person is entitled to lead a private life inside of their marriage, and they are not allowed to keep secrets because as Dr H clearly states it is the secrets that lead to affairs. I read a post here a few weeks ago about someone possibly being sued over using the spouse emails to expose the affair, so plaese guide me to that thread. I still do not believe it would stand up to the LITMUS test, but crazy things can happen. Also, just wondering from others how long it takes in general for a WW to get over being mad about the children learning about the affair. Thanks for all the great help.

Thats great! Anyone else you haven't exposed to?

Hopefully all of your children have had a word with her?

Take any advice Mel gives you and don't worry.

Like the oldtimers say (and I'm one)..."Your m can survive your ww being angry, but your M can't survive an ema".

She'll get over it. Don't worry about it. My x went ape crap after I exposed, and I'm still breathing. No lawsuit.

How can they sue you for spreading the truth? Think it through. More likely, she is angry because she is found out. She isn't perceived as an angel anymore. Her halo is tarnished and the kids know why she's not been a good mommy for a while now.

She is using scare tactics to try to get some semblance of her cake-eating lifestyle as she had before with two men meeting her main EN's in private. Affairs hate exposure because when it's revealed to THINKING people (people not in em)it's kinda actually quite ugly, the process of trying to break apart a marriage and family. So it's not widely accepted and she's feeling the effects of widespread truth right now.

Let them suffer the effects of truth. I exposed. I sure did. I even subpoenae'd the ow, heck TWO of them. I put their NAMES in the divorce papers and stated WHY I got a divorce. Not a slap on the wrist for anything I did. Why?

It's the truth, and sometimes the truth is ugly. That's why your ww is angry.

She can get over being mad. But your marriage can't get over a prolonged and unrepentant affair. Think on that and relax. You did the right thing.

Don't worry about the legal stuff. You have a right to know if you're being exposed to STDs, which you were since she was no longer monogamous. Use that as your defense. You had to know if your life was in danger.

Too easy to defend for a good lawyer.

And you have a right to look at stuff on a computer that is marital property or install any software that helps you get the info you need.

You can also claim you guessed the passwords and they were easy to guess or that she left her pages in plain sight.

All to easy to defend.

Thanks all for the great replys...
I especially like to read the replys from the ladies like ML, Vibrissa, etc...
It helps me with the different angles and spins on what is taking place...
I am not real worried about any legal BS because I too believe that I have a right to protect myself from STD's and too protect our children from harm that could be brought on by one of these OM...
I believe that would stand up in any court...
I agree that she is PO'ed that her image is tarnished, and that she does not look like the good suburban housewife...
The MB site has helped me to maintain my equanimity thru all of this...
Thanks for all you guys and gals do...
It does not go unnoticed and is greatly appreciated.

And now all her emails are NATIONAL NEWS!! Her adultery is splashed across the nation's top newspapers. I am giddy with excitement at the prospect of a court trial which rehashes her adultery and drags all of her adulterous emails out into the public arena. Is your wife wanting a little of that action? That would go over great in WEST TEXAS! I wonder if West Texas farmers would find a poor fella guilty just for catching his cheating wife?

One thing you can do to appeal to her regaining at some later date (after transparency, repentance, and the nc letter and all conditions of recovery being met, and nc for life), she needs to know she could become that good suburban wife again.

That is key. My xh had kinda backed himself into a corner b/c the ow (now w) was pregnant. So he couldn't ever regain in his mind, that status of being the "good guy" again, but your ww could. He even once told me "whats the use? I'll always be seen as the guy who cheated now (after having the child out of wedlock)".

Give her a carrot. Maybe a different kind of carrot (the regaining dignity carrot and the path to getting it back) but never forget the stick.

Wish you well!

Peatchie,
All very excellent points...
I will give her the option of getting "her the good suburban housewife status back"...
But so far she is not having alot of humility...she still acts rather cocky about all the affairs...like she was entitled...
If she finds some regret, remorse, and humility we might be able to move forward with a positive recovery...
Thanks for the great replys...

I talked with her this afternoon, and she is still quoting the information about some guy in Mich. that was arrested for looking at his wife's emails and finding out she was having an affair. I still do not see any of these cases making it to a court room. Any additional information that anyone might have about these snooping cases is much appreciated. Thanks.

Don't respond just change the subject. WW is trying to make you afraid to do anything that will hinder her having an affair.

She is trying to intimidate you. That case is not going to be won. And your children deserved to know. Honestly, if she didn't want them thinking badly of her, she should had been faithful. And I say that as a FWW.

She CAN still set an example for her children of what humility, taking responsibility for your actions, and making amends looks like. She can show her kids that it is possible to right ones' self after making a terrible choice. But she has to DO it.

Don't let her tie you in a knot. This is happening because of what SHE did, not because you snooped or because you told the kids or any of that. This is on HER.

And yes, listen to ML. She's very good at cutting through the garbage and giving good direction.

Yep, I've got info for you. That lawsuit was filed with the help of a politically hungry attorney who is looked down upon by her peers. It is a lawsuit that will be torn to shreds by any halfway-competent attorney. She is becoming a laughingstock among her peers. Her litigation history is poor.

Okay all good points...
I believe a person has a right to find out what a spouse is doing to:
Protect themselves from HIV and STD's
Protect the safety of children from serious danger because unknown OM are being allowed in the family home
Protect family finances and bank accounts from theft due to OM being allowed in the family home
Protect against a wife getting pregnant and having a lawsuit
Protect against wreckless endangerment

I am like everyone else here at MB...
I listened to the Clara Walker case, and this woman is really out of line and I do not see any of these cases being won...
The above reasons are the best defense...
Please add any replys...
Thanks...

When she brings up the case, play the part of indifference. Say, "I could care less about that case. I think it's great that her emails will be introduced into evidence and that her adultery will be a matter of public record. I also don't think any of that will be held against the man since he has a right to protect himself from STDs since his wife is messing around. We all have that right to self defense, especially if there is a risk of life threatening diseases. So I don't care about him. In fact, he's my hero.

What about you and your adultery or do you still want to discuss a case that has nothing to do with us?"

If she brings it up again, say, "Fine. I'll go to jail then. I could care less. You've cheated and I caught you. Don't change the subject."

In other words, show no fear by calling her bluff.

17m4, you shouldn't even be discussing snooping with her. YOU SHOULD JUST BE DOING IT!

Slap a keylogger on her computer, put a bug on her phone, GPS her car, spy like a blood hound!! Don't waste time arguing about snooping! Just do it!!

And did you point out to her that old WW in that Michigan case is having her affairs dragged through the press???? Tell her how funny that is!! And tell her how funny something like would be in COURT TRIAL IN WEST TEXAS WITH FARMERS AND GOOD OLD BOYS IN THE JURY!!

Tell her you are giddy with excitement at the prospect!

Mel,
I am continuing with my info program...
It is wild that these folks want to go in a legal direction rather than take responsibility for their own actions...
I am like you in that I would welcome all her affairs being dragged thru the news and newspapers...
The Mich woman Clara Walker will have to leave the state of Mich. when she is finished with her parade...
I am not sure if a woman like that could rebuild their suburban housewife status...

It is wonderful to watch an infidel hoist herself on her own petard in such a national way!

Since the kids know about her affairs tell her to go ahead a try and put the father of her kids in jail over this. Ask her how she plans on explaining this to the kids? Its a empty threat that won't succeed in court anyways.

Hey 17m4, here's another Michigan case for your wife to gnaw on:

http://record-eagle.com/local/x71339600/Two-men-dead-in-apparent-murder-suicide