|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
Thanks. I don't understand why he is stalling. He offered to let us go and I agrreed to his terms. I also still gave him the option of reconciliation if he follows my conditions (which he doesn't want to do, of course). He doesn't want to stay married, but doesn't want me to leave? I'm extremely frustrated.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
Thanks. I don't understand why he is stalling. He offered to let us go and I agrreed to his terms. I also still gave him the option of reconciliation if he follows my conditions (which he doesn't want to do, of course). He doesn't want to stay married, but doesn't want me to leave? I'm extremely frustrated. Because he still wants to try and control you. He wants his cake and eat it too. Do you have to find a job if you move or will you be staying with family?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
With family, but I am looking for a job as well. I want to stay with my dad for a while which my daughter will love and rebuild my savings and life a little bit. I was thinking I'd move out in a year or two after things stablized.
The problem with my WH is he seems so nice and amenable to everyone else, even if he is a horrible monster to me or just stalls because he knows he can. He claims he is no longer seeing OW and will follow us to LA in the future...so I am not sure what the problem is at this point, except that he wants to stay for OW.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
Don't try to outguess his thoughts.
It will stump you no matter what.
Simply follow plans and create a great future for you and your child and if you WH ever gets a place he could truly recover the marriage, there will be little doubt and you will take it from there. Otherwise, you have other things to tend to and do.
The Marriage Builder plans will guide you while your head and heart are all over the place and while you survive the crisis.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
My IM finally told him that the alternative to not letting me leave is divorce complete with spousal support and child support. My lawyer is really playing footsy with him and I don't get why. He is will just stall forever and ever. So I finally just told my IM what the alternative would be. I don't think he cares so much about the divorce...but paying spousal and child support would kill him. He has a hard time even supporting himself because of his spending, so he'll hate that.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
I'm a bit sad today. My marriage is definitely over.
I wish I did not have to deal with move-away and custody issues with him at all. His stalling/delaying craziness is not worth it. I just want to move away and move on and I feel he is keeping me stuck. He doesn't want the marriage, that is clear. He doesn't even see his kid all that much. So why the games? Waywards are horrible. They like to stick the knife in and then twist as much as possible.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
I'm going to be on the show on Monday.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
I'm going to be on the show on Monday. Next Monday 12-01?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
Yes, next Monday. Sorry, not today.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
My WH is asking to take my daughter to see his brother for a weekend. I don't think that he is taking the OW, but I still don't like the idea of him taking my baby. I have never been away from her for a night.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 275
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 275 |
Just have IM say No then.... Don't even sweat it!
What you do or don't do isn't gonna change a way wards mind!!
If you say yes, they tell you that it should have been no...
Nice? Should have been mean!
Mean? Should be nice
So listen- everything you do won't be "right" to him anymore!
So just say No & move on. Don't give reasons- no justification.... Just no!
Last edited by Elaina7; 11/25/14 12:37 AM.
BW-3 Kids
Sep:2014
Divorced
"I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.
I will persist until I succeed." Og Mandino
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
I actually do think he ought to take her.
I understand you have never been away from her overnight but it is something that you need to embrace as a single mother. You must learn to be okay with it. Learn to find ways to keep busy and to sleep with her away. (BTW, we all totally relate to the sensation of angst over it!)
You love your child and you are her rock but he is her father and allow him to step up to the plate for her. If he blows it or creates more problems, deal with it then. Then, you will know where his fathering is going without you in the mix.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
Yeah, I am letting him. The ONLY reason he wants to take her overnight is that his family will be there. He would not take her otherwise because he doesn't want full responsibility for her.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
You're doing fine. You can only give him the opportunity to take responsibility. The rest is his call.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
Husband stalling on agreement.
UGH. UGH. UGH.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 61
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 61 |
Hope things work out peacefully. Hard to deal with these things during the holidays.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Stalling is to be expected. A wayward won't comply with a decisive way forward. It's expensive, but knowing to expect this helps.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
Yes, decisiveness implies a commitment to something and an intention to carry it out. Not virtues of a wayward. If they were, we wouldn't be in this mess.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 991 |
WH has not signed agreement, but is paying for DD's school for December (1200) and paying me 1K in child/spousal support voluntarily for December so I can afford to stay for Dec.
I am not sure how he is affording all of this. That is slightly less than half of his take home pay. Oh well, not my problem! I am just happy he is doing it. Thankful that he is taking a bit of responsibility.
Me: 38, have been divorced for 4 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,439 Likes: 4 |
WH has not signed agreement, but is paying for DD's school for December (1200) and paying me 1K in child/spousal support voluntarily for December so I can afford to stay for Dec.
I am not sure how he is affording all of this. That is slightly less than half of his take home pay. Oh well, not my problem! I am just happy he is doing it. Thankful that he is taking a bit of responsibility. Wow that is rare for a wayward to actually pay at all, let alone voluntarily. How is your plan B self-care going? What are your plans for Thanksgiving? Stay the course. You're doing so well.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
1,015
guests, and
70
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
