It sucks going through it at ANY age but your not too old to create a good life for yourself.

Start a hobby, learn to tango, visit family, volunteer at a local hospital, finish that degree or get a new one. Your options are endless and your time will not be wasted this way.

It's hard but you can do it.

haha...yes I have done a few of these suggestions, and I'll do more as I recoup. Thanks!

Hi wenang, I wanted to be sure that you knew that you can left-click on anyone's screen name, and then click "view posts", and that will show you all of the posts that person has made. You can go back to an earlier date to read the beginning of their story.

Thanks....I'm learning how to navigate here. But it doesn't allow me to private message. How does that work?

private messages are disabled.

One of the largest helps to me when I got here was reading the stories of those who had gone before me. Some so sad, but most very inspirational.

Whether your M recovers or you divorce, you will be able to see from reading other stories just how STRONG people become by utilizing the MB principles.

Blind: yes, thank you. I was totally blind sighted too. no red flags. it's good to read other people's stories. it helps me understand some of it. some of it I'll never get, and I'll have to live with it. The people who really know the truth are my kids and friends. Everyone else thinks "there must have been something wrong and we didn't see it behind closed doors". That's the biggest misconception. No one can believe a happily married man can have an affair and walk away from 38 years without warning.
It's a real mystery.

It sucks for anybody going through it at any age. My mother was 25 and had a 2 year old and a 4 year old. It sucked. It's not easy for anybody.

Hi wenang, on Friday's radio show, Dr. Harley and Joyce did a wonderful job of explaining "why". You should still be able to listen to it until late Monday morning.

Quite a few wise people have told me throughout life that "it's none of my business what other people think of me".

I'm sorry that you haven't received the gentleness that you need from some people. I do think that many of us here can say that we've been in that boat. It's so difficult (blind sighting) to deal with, yes�but the longer that we stay in that victim mindset, the longer it takes for US to heal (and I can promise that those who have showed us UNcare are not even aware of our pain).

You've told the truth (exposed) wenang, you've fought on the side of marriage.

So now what can you do for wenang? I'm thinking that it's time to fight for YOU!

What does wenang want to plan for her next week, month, year?

Thanks, I just listened to the show. Dr Harley makes sense and I understand now that it's silly to try and probe as to why why why. He explained about how an affair starts but what he didn't discuss is why the guy didn't realize his mistake and get out of the affair early. Dr. Harley said men are prone to affairs, but didn't address the issue of having the intelligence, morals and responsibility to stop the affair. We know right from wrong, don't we? Sure everyone can slip and make mistakes, but we aren't animals. We do have the ability to make reasonable decisions, don't we?

Affairs are addictive in nature. It's not just men who are prone to affairs. Women have affairs in about equal numbers. Once a person starts allowing someone of the OS to meet their ENs, it's very tough to stop it. Many people are not inherently honest, and even when they are, their spouses don't always take the right steps.

Here's a quick example of what happened to the daughter of my friend:

Husband Joe took a job that required a lot of travel. He and his wife Jane had three children, all boys, who were taking karate. Jane joined them in this activity. It didn't take long for her to become attracted to her male karate teacher. She told Joe that she didn't like his travel and wished he was home more and that she was lonely.

As the karate lessons progressed, the friendship between Jane and the karate teacher deepened. She told her H about this attraction. Was Joe's response to this revelation to stop traveling and to spend more time with his wife? Was Jane's response to stop the lessons and never see the teacher again, even withdrawing her children from that studio? Nope!

When Joe was home on the weekends, he decided the smart thing for him and Jane to do was to spend time with the couple. That way Joe could keep his eye on the friendship and the teacher would "know" better than to have an affair with the wife of a friend.

Well, you can imagine what happened. Jane, who knew it was wrong but enjoyed having her needs met, had an affair with the karate teacher. Two families were destroyed as a result. Jane knew the entire time that the affair was wrong, but having her ENs met was so fulfilling and addictive that she was willing to risk everything.

That's what happens when we allow someone else to meet our ENs. The effect is even more dramatic when spouses aren't spending every night together, when they don't go out on dates, when the marriage has love busters or neglected ENs.

He has explained this so many times, I can't even count them. Go listen to Friday's radio show, starting around 22:00, to hear his explanation of why affairs happen. This show will replay until noon cst today.

Once a person is addicted to heroin or tobacco, how often do they make the reasonable decision and quit heroin or tobacco cold turkey?

There is addiction at play, here.

Not when we are in love we don't. Why look at your own actions. Your husband was a cheater, hostile and unremorseful and you still clung to him just for the HOPE of that feeling of love.

Now think about if you could you have walked away while the love relationship was strong and healthy? Now imagine that love feeling was TWICE as strong as any you have ever felt (the wayward is getting love-hits from two women but gives the newcomer all the credit)

Could you free yourself from that? It is almost impossible.

The best way is to not allow OS members to tempt us too close and too far in the first place.