I am still unclear what you mean by the above post but if the first affair was not exposed to family and friends you should expose that affair too when you expose this one. Your family and children should know that WW is a repeat offender. Expose it ALL.

What should be his verbage in exposing the previous affair, along with the current affair?

Most newer posters are afraid of destroying their Wayward Wife's reputation and bringing up the previous affair along with this one may come off as spiteful to him.

I don't recall one of the exposure templates guiding someone doing multiple exposures.

Does he do one distinct set of exposure letters for each individual affair, or does he combine both of them in the same letter format?

LTL

Nice catch on this being a resumption of a previous affair....

the good news in this information is his wife doesn't present as a serial cheater who can't be trusted around men at all. This is ONE affair that resumed because "no contact" wasn't established and maintained properly.

How far away does OM live? Does OM have more entanglement in your lives like through your children? Can you move soon? How long until the youngest graduates high school? Might be time to downsize and simply move fairly far away and get a fresh start. As part of your exposure and shock & awe plan, perhaps you could slap a For Sale by Owner Sign in the front lawn as an indication of how serious you are that this MUST stop now, "no contact" is required (there is no "try") and you are prepared to stand and fight for her (and your family).

It gets complicated to slap a for sale sign on the house without first explaining to the kids that you don't know for sure where or when you are moving. If you last child is a senior it shouldn't be an issue as it'll take months to sell, close and move out anyway but if youngest is a freshmen it gets more complicated and something to think about. You MIGHT just mention that you'll be talking to realtors about selling the house. Your wife didn't intend to upset the entire family. She likely didn't think any of this through. She just felt what she felt and acted upon those feelings with no regards for others or the consequences to herself and others. Selling the house is the logical result of HER behavior. You are not obligated to stay in that area near OM because it would be nice and not make her feel guilty. You don't protect her from the consequences of her choices. Of course, you don't have to actually accept any offers. Putting a house up for sale isn't actually selling it. It's just part of a process --- initiated by your wife's actions.

Mr. Wondering

Can you please tell us your exposure plan? Like actually list out who you are going to be exposing to. And tell us exactly what you intend to tell these people.

You realize that exposure needs to be done all at once, right? Do NOT trickle expose.

Ok to many people to thank, but I listened and went back to re-read exposure. Today I targeted key friends and let them know what is going on. Parents are out of the picture, only her mother is alive if you want to call what she is doing in a nursing home. Found an unexpected ally who told me of someone the OM was involved with and she now knows, but she said they were involved in the past and currently are not. Hum, I wonder why that over....

Anyway, lets hope this works because I expect some wrath tomorrow. So guys whats next I may not fully understand Plan A from some of the comments that came back today.

So how many of OMs face book friends have you exposed to? What about your wife's other family members? How many of these friends have called your wife so far to discuss the affair?

What about the OM's girlfriend?

This sure does not sound very comprehensive.

Your children? Family members? Listen, half measures will avail you nothing except a pissed off wayward.

Get ready to get your [censored] kicked for nothing. You just brought a pea shooter to a gun fight.

IF you do things to the total and strict adherence to what just has been suggested, then this typically what can occur.

Read WifeDivorcing's topic thread:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2791622#Post2791622

LTL

Phoenix,
you are doing it wrong. Exposure is supposed to be far and wide and immediate. You now allow your wife to spin the story and paint you as crazy and say that you were seperated or going to divorce or whatever. You control the message when you hit all the targets at once.
Have you told your side of the family including your daughters. Have you told the OM family, have you told this precious organization of yours, have you told all her Facebook friends, have you told all the OM Facebook friends, have you posted him on CHEATERVILLE.COM.
Your "targeted" approach is just plain naive.

One step at a time, do exposure CORRECTLY, then you can continue Plan A.

Do you have the book "Surviving An Affair"?

You've got to quickly regroup and do a major exposure.

I'm sure your are known in your community to be a certain way. Such as reasonable to work with. A gentleman. Even Steven. Someone everyone can depend on and so on. A peacemaker. You build consensuss within you community before you act. And so on.

To expose far and wide might stand out as 'out of character.' This situation is a call to action a different way. You can't dabble with a few little helpers. This is about standing up for what YOU believe in. Poor boundaries and making nice in your community got you and your wife in this state. Your wife has poor boundaries around men. You are plain afraid to go to war for your marriage.

You will not be able to get through to your wife when she is in what is known here as 'being in affair fog.' YOU have gotten in your own way. The veterans here are giving you a plan. You are taking the far and wide exposure plan and downsizing it to fit 'Your character' and that in which your community including your wife and her affair partner expects of you. Stop it. This is war and you can't do what is expected. It's unflattering to you. It's unattractive to your wife. Your risking your marriage to remain inauthentic to what you really believe in. Your wife is cake walking you to maintain her affair. It worked before and its working just fine again. Far and wide exposure is the jolt you both need. You don't discuss and get her approval or lecture her with this new found wisdom. Don't over think. Just do it.

Like the others have said, fight. Expose. Be relentless.

Or else you will later regret not doing everything you could.

There's no guarantees on the outcome in this game but playing hard gives you the best chance of success, is the honorable thing to do and will help you come to terms with this if things do not work out.

"Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft." - Teddy Roosevelt

The purpose of this forum is to engage members in discussion in how to use MB to end the affair and recover your M.

Ignoring questions isn't going to help you.

You were asked specifically who you would be exposing to and what you would say so that we could help you tweak your plan and maximize your results.

You were also asked about if this is actually a resumption of Affair 1 or if this is Affair 2.

Not only is it is really rude to not answer when posters have taken the time to help you, but you are only hurting yourself. You have some of the best MB posters helping you. Take advantage of it. Don't cherry pick the advice you want to follow - that will only BACKFIRE on you.

Don't have the book, I hope in my next reply you will see if I did a regroup and major exposure or not.

You a fairly accurate assesment of the kind of person I am, I guess it comes across in my writing.

I have stopped discussing this with her, still have polite conversations about the things we need to in regards to the kids and ect. When the topic comes up my response currently is until all contact with the OM is severed there is nothing to discuss.

I am not ignoring questions, or trying to be rude. I have limited time to come on this MB while managing the house and working my full time job and working the advice. I have already set many other commitments aside to focus on ending the affair and I told them the affair is why I can't give them my time.

I am hoping you summerized the key questions and apologize if I still miss answering a key question.

Exposed:
- the affair at the organization, so its out there for everyone.
- the only family he has
- his best friends
- her friends
- to a girl he was only "friends" with that had an emotional breakdown while chating with me about this.
- to my friends

The only exposure that hasn't happend yet is the children and that is due to a lack of seeing them while I was in contact with all the others. Still unuser how to handle with the one who is away at school since I think this should be a face to face conversation.

Resumption of Affair 1, thought I previously answered that.

I can do quick check in's to see the responses, but may not allways be able to reply right away.

A resumption of A#1 takes the serial cheater status off the table, which is a good thing because serial cheaters are much harder to recover with. BUT, it also means that this A is extremely entrenched. These are AP's who have been together now off and on for years, and are likely *in love.* Do you get that? Do you understand you are not just fighting against some fling?

You failed at breaking up this A and protecting your wife and family from its resumption the first time. Do NOT make the same mistake twice. This time your wife will LEAVE YOU for him. Do you understand the seriousness of this? I don't get the feeling that you do, based on the fact that you are still talking about your involvement WITH the OM in some organization. Is this organization and your community reputation worth giving up your WIFE and FAMILY for???

You need to stop being 'busy' and start making killing this A once and for all priority #1.

The phoenix, what EXACTLY did you tell these people? How many so far have reached to your wife? What is your wife's reaction?

And you can tell your other child over the phone. Phone exposures are just fine.

Trust me I understand the seriousness of the situation and how entrenched he is I saw the way she acted after she ended it last week and then the way she acted when contact resumed. The mourning seemed more severe than when her dad died and was borderline depression, or may actually have been for all I know.

I cannot emphasize nothing is more important than the wife and family and will resign from the organization, sell the house and move if needed. That doesn't need to be questioned anymore.

My biggest failure last time was not exposing the affair and trying to work through "ourselves". Now that this has been exposed it is amazing the support I am getting, I may have underestimated a lot of people and how hard they are willing to help me fight for my wife and family.

Can you please answer this question?

While the message was slightly modified based on who I was talking to or messaging based on why I felt they needed to know the general theme was

my wife and XX are having an affair, this is a resumption of a previous affair that occurred from mm/yy to mm/yy. This time it has been going on since mm. Believe or not after all this I still love her and want to make the marriage work. Then for some people I asked for their support and help to bring this A to an end as well as rebuild the marriage and restore us to a healthy family.

If it was people close to him it took more of a tone, hey here is something you need to know about this person you think highly of and then put it out there about this being a resumption of an A and if they felt this wrong they should speak to him about ending this.

I do know her phone blew up a bit and I am not sure of everyone who reached out to her, but I do know of one key person who she respects used the words disgusting, dispicable and so on and hammered her pretty hard about her selfishness. Also, made it clear to her there is no more thinking, sitting on the fence but she needed to make a decision does she want the OM or her husband and family.

Now my WW's reaction wasn't all the anger, venting and threats that everyone said should come, of course there was a lot of crying. It seem oddly more like a veil of illusion fell and she was back in reality. She started talking in terms of us, our family and things we want to do or should do in the future. Topic she has been avoiding for awhile, but brought up last night.

She indicated she wants to make our marriage work and its over with the OM. I told her I hope she means it this time since you already told him once, there is no need to tell him again, contact needs to end as of now and if reaches out to you you need to let me know. She agreed to that, we shall see if it holds.

Now what I need to guard against is if this a ruse to make me think she is working on things. I guess actions over the next few days and weeks will let me know if it is a real effort or going through the motions.