I have seen men just like you do this a half dozen times here. I'm hoping and praying that one day I see one actually change for real, permanently.

Haven't seen it, yet.

I would love to see you do this.

I would dance with joy to see you do this.

I would call you the most awesome Marriage Builder ever if you did this.

But every man I've ever seen show up like you are doing now disappeared within 24 hours.

I would love to see you here day after day, listening to the radio show, daily, for life, putting the concepts into practice. I would love to see you win your wife back, the right way, instead of telling her things aren't so bad and telling her how to feel. I would love to see you in anger management and in contact with Dr. Harley, and building a fantastic marriage for your wife, your children, and yourself.

That would be wonderful.

I will be your biggest fan if you do this.


Then get started, and don't expect her back any time soon. Stop saying that you didn't cheat and start providing true honesty and transparency. Don't ever try to punish her again. Change for life. Commit to recovery, for life.

Figure out the Basic Concepts and start practicing them ruthlessly.

Figure out the Love Busters and get them gone, for life.

You are an abusive husband. Own up to that and fix it.

You are an unfaithful husband. Own up to that and fix it.

Many men have fixed these things before. My best mentor here was a former unfaithful husband. I learned so much from him. He is such a wonderful husband and father today.

But he showed up truly willing to learn and to act. Not just saying it. It wasn't just words.

Will you do these things?

Why shouldn't she talk to her mother?

Welcome to MB

I do not believe most of this, but let's suspend disbelief for a minute in the event that you are being honest. Though I worry like markos that you are trying to trick your wife into coming home, I am glad you are here because it at least gives you the opportunity to receive the help you actually need to fix this.

This is all fantastically stupid behavior that would run any woman off. Maybe it made sense in your head, maybe it felt good, etc. But the immaturity level of this narrative you present is off the charts.

If your wife was my sister, or a female cousin/relative, etc and she called me and told me what your wife told all of us you said to her after you broke back into the house, I would have called into work for the day and been in a car on the way to her home immediately with a loaded gun on my person in case it was needed and probably a friend or two to keep me from putting you in a wheelchair in the unfortunate event that you showed up as we left. That's how incredibly messed up it is to tell your wife in front of her own kids that it would be sad if there was an accident where they lost her mother. I hope your wife does not have brothers, and if she does, I hope for your sake they do not know where you live.

None of us want any marriage that can be saved and actually recover to end, but you have some serious work to do before she should feel safe at all around you. Therapy and anger management are probably a minimum. I don't even really know what to suggest to someone who threatens to murder his wife in front of their own children.

My wife left me, it sucks, I know. But you need to take the medicine for a bit and let it settle. You are out of control right now.

I'm serious this time. I was never really serious before and did the bare minimum.

I didn't know anything about marriage builders, that is true. I mentioned I started reading, because after calming down from her note, and after having called everywhere, I decided to go ahead and actually look at the books for the first time, and look at her emotional needs list which I had never looked at before, and actually fill it out my part, which I had refused to do before.

Do you know my wive's thread's title, or new display name?

Words.


Actions like this show you to be not serious.

Wait a second, I broke into my own house, the one I am paying for.

All the things I said were out of place and out of anger, and obviously not true. I can't believe she would even believe so. I shouldn't have said so, but I did, but those were only words, nothing true.

So stop doing the bare minimum. Are you going to do the things markos said needs to be done?

You're past the point of filling out forms now. Anybody can fill out a form. You need to be taking more serious actions.

Words of a man who does not want to protect his wife. All I see from you is justification for your behavior instead of a desire to change.

More proof that you aren't serious.


You don't have CLUE NUMBER ONE what Marriage Builders says about anger.

Dr. Harley told my wife that no marital problems could be solved until I had eliminated ALL angry outbursts. He was right.


It's still not okay! Quit trying to tell her that it's okay because you didn't mean it.

It's not okay - angry outbursts are not okay. You are a seriously dangerous, abusive husband, until you have demonstrated that you can prevent angry outbursts FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

The idea that you would ask anyone to help you get in contact with your wife today is ridiculous proof that you DO NOT GET how serious this is and how long it's going to be before you can be trusted, and that you are not serious and don't intend to do anything about it.

You could be listening to Marriage Builders Radio right now instead of wasting our time.

Markos was also paying for the house I kicked him out of. He never said such a thing, and CERTAINLY never broke back in. He went out of his way to make me safe.

You, sir, are dangerous. And you are going to have to do some serious work if you ever desire to win her back. Are you going to do the things markos said needs to be done?

That means there should be a restraining order against you, right?

Right?

Wouldn't you agree that if a wife's husband has angry outbursts and she locks him out and he breaks in, that she should get a restraining order to keep him out?

Isn't that right?

Stop freaking out. I don't know what your wife wrote you but I doubt it was "you and I are done forever no second chances". She was very reluctant to leave you.

You have a chance to fix this here and if you're actually reading the MB books you even have a set of instructions for HOW to fix this. Change into the type of husband the books describe and she will come back to you.

No quick fixes to this, ProChoice. You can't fix something like this in a day.

My wife cheated on me, lied to me about it, told horrible lies about me to her family, and filed a restraining order against me simply for doing what was required to uncover her affair.

I never threatened to kill her.

Some words (like threats to murder someone) have consequences. It's not "just words" when you threaten to kill your spouse. It's called assault.

You are very lucky you are not in jail right now. You can't say things like that.

You threaten your wife in front of your children and you can't believe she would believe you would harm her (especially on top of all the other stupidity you have displayed)? WTF is wrong with you??

As a BS, I can understand your anger and hurt over your wife's affair but you need to GET A GRIP!! There is no excuse for your behavior...Dday is not new to you either. Breaking into the house was another stupid move. If you aren't serious about recovery which entails you not being an abusive ahole towards your wife, then file for D and be done with it.

Oh, sure! We'll give that to you!

You bully her to the point where she locks you out of the house, and then you frighten her by breaking back in - and worse, by threatening to kill her. You say many, terrifying, sinister things, and you act like a psychopath, and enjoy seeing her terror. You know that we told her to leave for her own safety, and you think you can come here and ask for her new identity and we'll give it to you? Are you insane?

You are coming across as a dangerous, sinister, vindictive, bullying husband -the kinds that wheedles his way systematically around his frightened wife's friends, telling them that he did nothing wrong and he only wants to speak to her, and then when he finds his wife, he hurts her.

You need to be put in jail for what you did, and you need a permanent restraining order against you. You are unstable and you need treatment.

Leave your wife alone.

Why did I ever think I could get help here?

I am getting her back, I will win her heart, will be a great husband, I will start changing, I will do anger management, I will prove to her I am different, and I won't give any credit to this unhelpful forum. I had seriously come for help.