Making a new email account just for this is a really good idea. And I also hadn't thought about keeping the IMs identity from him. But it really doesn't matter to him who it is.

I just need to think who can be very diplomatic and straightforward with him. That helps give me a little direction.

Could someone please post the link to IM 101 (or whatever the how to IM thread is called)?

Just so you know, it is in the Notable Posts subforum in the top section of this site.

Intermediary Training School

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2264548#Post2264548

LTL

Thanks LTL. I knew it was around here somewhere, but I didn't know where to start looking. I've read so much on here over a long period of time I don't remember where I've seen anything anymore!

Ideally in Plan B the IM would be someone that is a friend of the marriage.In order to exchange the kids, he would need to know the IM identity for exchanges.

The IM does not have to be involved in child exchanges at all, except for the written e-mail confirmation or excused in advance reasons that might come up.

Plent of posters have utilized anonymous fellow posters as IM's right here on this forum.

LTL

ginger, I wish I could do it for you, but I have too much going on in my life right now. Please give my email address to your new IM and I will be glad to help her.

Ok, I have someone for IM. I'll be sending her the IM info. MelodyLane, I could tell you've been busy. I'll pass your email address on to her. Thank you.

I'm having a really hard time tonight. My lawyer told me in May that WHs lawyer had sent over discovery for me to fill out. His lawyer said at the time that she hoped we wouldn't need it. My lawyer advised me to wait, and when I agreed she just didn't send them to me. Now his lawyer sent a request for the discovery from me. So my lawyer sent me the email. It is twenty-eight pages of questions. They want me to detail every job I've held since we got married in 1996. Every doctor visit since we got married and what the diagnosis and treatment was. Since we got married. And a separate question specifically asking about any mental health professionals I've seen and their diagnoses and treatment. They want my facebook archive. They want any documents related to any affair I've had. Any online dating profile I've created. Any correspondence with any private detective I've hired. They want copies of correspondence with WHs boss and coworkers. They want me to answer whether WH was a "good husband to me" and list any specific complaints. Reading through it, I cried. I wanted to vomit. And I thought what a ridiculous amount of time I'm going to have to spend on this. It's so demoralizing. He left me for another woman and now I have to deal with all this? I know life is not fair, but this just seems so much worse than unfair.

My attorney also sent me a statement showing that we've eaten through 3/4 of the retainer that I had to borrow in the first place, and she has already told me that discovery is time consuming. I imagine it will use up the rest of the money. She said if he continues to push this forward she suggests we go to mediation to try to reach some agreements. In the meantime she is just sitting back and waiting for his attorney to contact her.

And I saw him Monday night. My 14year old had a concert in the park. I was watching with my mom and sister and friends. I looked around to see if one of the other parents was getting a video, and he was there. Sitting in the opposite corner. I just saw the side of his head and looked away. I focused on the rest of the song - then my son's group was done and he went off the stage and I glanced back over and WH was gone. He didn't even speak to the 5yo who was playing behind the seats. I just thought what a sad life he's made for himself, where he sees his small children but can't even say hello to them. It did affect me, though. I've hardly slept this week.

Just to clarify, I have nothing to hide in the discovery. I just hate having to do it.

Various items do not need lengthy detailed responses.

Other items that you have, (or will), discuss can be answered as Attorney Work File privileges. Ask your lawyer about it though.

Most items can be deflected.

Also, if not legally relevant to the divorce, they would not be required to be responded to.

Short answers. Don't put your foot in your mouth inadvertently. First write the answers on a scratch paper or word document.

If it does not apply, then that is your answer.

Request additional time as the Discovery Interrogatories were only recently provided to you, based on WH's attorney's comment to your attorney.

LTL

Thanks LTL. I'll admit to being completely overwhelmed reading through it. I'm sure that is intentional. And now that I've slept on it, I realize it's a fishing expedition. His lawyer is hoping to find something. Joke's on her though, because I have never kept anything from my spouse.

So, when you say work file privilege, is that like attorney-client privilege? The things I have discussed with my attorney in regards to the D?

How would I deflect a question?

As to requesting more time, my attorney has told me that I can wait to answer it until his attorney files a motion to compel, then I would have two weeks. At the end of two weeks if I am not finished, the judge will give me 7 days. So I am not going to rush or give it to her as soon as I finish, but I also don't want to wait until I'm under the gun to start.

I was once advised by reading volumes of divorce law and lawyer pointers, to label all of my written and electronic notes, photos and any other investigation results, or other pertinent document as evidence for my own attorney.

Once it becomes part of Your attorneys file, past or present, it is not an item for Discovery legally open to be produced.

I would still get your own attorneys opinion on it.

If none of your answers would put you in a bad light, then it might look as if you had something to hide to a judge or opposing counsel, so do not just ignore the majority of the Interrogetories.

LTL

Thanks, LTL. That makes sense. I can ask my lawyer about it.

She recommended mediation. I am certain that would be cheaper. WH asked for that before I hired her, but I was advised here that he was just looking for an easy, quick way out to be able to continue his A. What do you all think now? Continue to draw it out as long as possible? I will have to ask my family for money to be able to do that, but I'm not opposed to doing whatever is best. It's hard, because my dad, who offered to pay for "the best lawyer" when this all started and I didn't need one, balked at the actual cost of a lawyer when I went to him and told me "you can get divorced for $500" and "your lawyer is really overcharging you". As if this situation isn't stressful enough.

Is he still with OW?

I don't know.

I was never able to put a keystroke logger on his phone or computer - he had passwords on them both and changed them before I could get on them. He took me changed his Verizon password. He was using a burner phone anyway. I was able to use a voice recorder in his car when he was here, but now I don't have access to his car. I don't know how else to find out other than hiring a pi and I don't have any money for that.

He also deleted his facebook.

Any suggestions or feedback?

He's probably still with her or at least in contact if he is still treating you badly (even just through the lawyer). I can tell what's going on in their relationship by what my WH does (now through the lawyer).

Gathering evidence now would be breaking plan b and it's not worth it. If he's being a jerk, he's still in contact.

I think you assume they're with the AP unless they notify the IM that they aren't.

Yeah, I know he has to be super angry still about work since he was demoted. I want to think she ditched him since she said she was so concerned about her career, but I doubt that. Even if she did, I'm sure they're still in contact.

Any suggestions about what the lawyer said?