In Plan A, you want to communicate that the door is open for her return.
Your chances in Plan B (or in cutting off communication) are much lower.

I dont care what the psychologist said and you shouldnt either.
You need to follow Dr. Harleys methods if you want the best shot at saving your marriage.

How about a handwritten letter when she drops off or picks up our children the next time.

"

Wife,

I still love you. I am willing to work with you to make a strong, loving, romantic marriage.

"

Sealed in an envelope.

I think that would be consistent with Plan A and a good idea.

Written and sealed. *feeling like a giddy nervous child.

Had delivered.

Good job.
prepare yourself for her likely vile response.

There was no response.

Tuesday after she got our kids off the bus, our 5 yo son was not feeling well - lethargic and complaining of a headache. There was a small amount of back and forth about it, and she said "Met me at the hospital". I said "k" and went straight there.

I was there first and all in all we were "together" in mostly awkward silence for near 3 hours. We took 'turns' playing with Landon and making him feel comfortable. She laid in bed with him dozing off on occasion, while I stood the entire time just kind of hanging around. Never once having a normal (previously common) bored and impatient behavior.

Our talking was only about Landon, I brought up nothing, nor did she. At the end, the test for strep was negative, and doctor presumed just a 'bug'. Fluids and children's Tylenol - and 'stay home'. She offered for me to keep him that night (her night with them), and I happily agreed.

Several messages asking how he was with always good replies. Wednesday, she came over on lunch break unannounced and asked to see him. I let him come out to the porch where she stayed and sorta just watched him. Another 15 minutes of awkward silence, with little words between us.

She asked once more how he was about 3pm after she got off work. He is doing better, and seems back to 'normal'.

The best part of this - Landon was in the hospital bed watching cat videos on my phone on youtube. I was standing and just being there - she watched with him, it was nice to hear her laugh aloud and snort like she does. I miss her laugh.

Did you get her a coffee while at the hospital. That is doing a plan A. That was using the opportunity to do something for your WW.

Notice I did not say ask her or offer to get her a coffee because there is no action being done for your WW.

Quietly leaving the room and get an extra pillow from a nurse then giving it to your WW saying I think this would make you more comfortable when she was laying down next to her son.

I am sure smarter people here would have more and better ideas. So maybe if you could of slipped into the bathroom and post asking for ideas to plan A at the hospital who knows what help you would of gotten.

Have yoy been inviting her to go to parks?

No I have not.

Well, McFly. You need to start doing that in plan A

My wife has ended her affair. It was by her decision, as it was not right by God. She is trying to get away from her living arrangements. She has not yet, nor do I expect her to be ready to commit to reconcile. We are talking. We have had several hour of communication over the past week.

My hope, after so long, has a glimmer of tangibility to it.

**EDIT**

What use is this point to the poster?

He knows his wife is doing wrong by breaking her vows to God. We all know that she is doing wrong. That does not need to be pointed out to betrayed spouses on this forum.

However, if you are suggesting that this BH points that out to her, that would go against Dr Harley's advice about lecturing our spouse. We must never do that.

Either this poster continues to work Plan A, having exposed the affair widely, or he goes to Plan B when the time is right (which it isn't, right now). On entering Plan B, the only thing he tells her about the affair is that it is too painful for him to live with any longer, and that he must remove himself from the excruciating pain. He will consider reconciling if and when she ends the affair. He does not lecture her about the affair being right or wrong, in God's eyes or in society's; not now, and not later.

**EDIT**

Indeed it can, and should. I still don't know why you are pointing that out to him, though.

**EDIT**

Are you suggesting he tell her this? That she should consider redemption for her adultery?

**EDIT**