ML, thanks for the perspective. I will immediately cease all A discussion. I will try to clarify what was said though, even though I won't discuss it again with her. I said it doesn't matter if she admits to the A, that no matter what the A will end, and I will be there to work one our M.

Sorry for using quotes when I was not accurately expressing the discussion

I am not going to be a doormat or enabler. Unfortunately a couple of her sisters are active enablers, and her parents are passive enablers. Exposing to them last time did have a strong effect on WW though.

I will get the docs notarized. I will also go to library to get fiche prints of the newspaper articles about the assault case, which he also lied about.

i need to clarify my comments. It is ok to discuss the affair once you have evidence. Once oyu have evidence you should bring it up OFTEN and DEMAND that she end her affair. But by talking about it now, you just tip her off so she goes further underground.

Saying that you will love her no matter what and pre-emptively forgiving her is very inappropriate. Will you love her if she NEVER ends her affair? I assure you that you WON'T. Unconditional love gives her false expectations and fosters neglect and abuse.

And here you are dealing with the SECOND AFFAIR. Most spouses - rightly - would not put up with that. She is a serial cheater and in order to ever recover your marriage, she will have to make radical changes in her lifestyle. She has very poor boundaries around men and that has to change if you hope to save your marriage.


So, I would avoid saying things like this. It comes across as very uncaring and also tips her off that you suspect. That doesn't help, but hurts your chances.

Got it.

I donated my Surviving book to the local library a few years ago. buying a new one today. Is it available on audio?

Good idea! He completely rewrote SAA a few years ago to include a part on exposure. You can get it here: https://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Af...;sr=1-1&keywords=surviving+an+affair

My evidence gathering is going slower than I hoped. I haven't been able to get near her phone in a few days. She sits in the bathroom texting long after I've gone to bed.
Last time I got evidence in her vehicle, but since she just parks it and uses a different truck that won't work.

I contacted county court clerk for docs. There's a good chance clerk knows OM. Maybe he'll hire cronies to come after me too. If clerk doesnt come up with docs from abuse conviction, I'm not sure how else to get them. A PI would be good for that probably, but I just don't have the funds. I found and printed the newspaper articles about the hired assault. (it was supposed to be a hit but thugs chickened out).

I called for legal help today, and will know more tomorrow. I will do what it takes to keep OM away from our kids.

Any ideas on gaining access to phone?

Most County Clerk records are now available online. If you can't find them online yourself, email a moderator with the county, state and OM's name and have them email it to me. I'll see if I can find it. (I'm an attorney and a a bit more adept and understanding these websites than most).

Thanks Brits_Brat. Message sent. I felt stonewalled at the start of my conversation with the clerk and was told only she could get the information. She responded "Hmmmmph, okaaaay" when given OM name.

Forged, you are assuming that she is leaving the workplace to meet up with the OM. Is it possible that they are hooking up onsite? Theirs were the only 2 cars there, right?

It is prossible. OM lived at this farmhouse. He built a new office building on site, with kitchen and possibly sleeping quaters. He moved to a different house down the road, and gave farmhouse to his daughter. There is plenty of space to hide an A there. When I stopped there the other day, I walked right in, looked around and then called out. I did not go in the back room regrettably.

I tried at 3am to work on ware, but WW was sleeping in kids room due to nightmare, and had hidden phone. I woke them early when I left for work. and spotted her hiding spot for next try.

WW picked up sick DD from school today. She "stopped " at work with DD in the car to show OM our garlic planter. She left planter there, so now she has an excuse to go see OM tomorrow to pick it up. I'm curious why she thinks I would believe a big time farmer would need to see my rinky dink home made planter. I need to get some sort of surveillance in place now!

I'm not sure a PI would even help here, since we live in the country with no place to hide for observation.

I will stay up late and try loading the ware again. I know at least two of her best friends will be very influential one exposure starts. Once I get my ducks in a row...

WW was texting OM tonight, as I watched on the online log. Need the proof, need to expose.

Ready for the evidence to start piling up

I read a bunch of fog speak and now my brain and heart hurt.

Many deleted mssg to and from OM last night. I will see the next ones.

WW is a bitter woman. I never realized how much before now.

I have my work cut out for me.

We still have our first counselling session scheduled Tuesday with a Christian marriage counsellor. I might cancel if I haven't exposed yet. I think it would be a waste of money.

Have you read this and listened to the clips in here?
Beware of Bad Counselors

WHAT did she say? Do you have evidence of the affair?


It will actually hurt your marriage at a critical time.

Ok, now I've read, heard, and understood it. Cancelling tomorrow morning. When discussing it with WW last week, she had concerns such as "its supposed to be nice that day I wanted to plant garlic", and "kids have Halloween party day before and I have MOPS day after". Clearly she is not in the right place yet. Exposing the A is on the horizon.

Can you be more specific? I am not clear on what you mean. What do you mean she is not in the right place? What place?

Do you have evidence? What is your evidence?

By that I meant she in not in a mental place to work on M, thus, counselling would be a waste of time and money at the least, and a major catastrophe at the worst.

WW is chatting on the phone with facila-SIL with a lightness of being that makes it clear her EN are being met.

Evidence... I have very little, but I have equipment functioning now to gather evidence by the minute. I have a list of deleted texts late night to OM last night, but no contents. I have actual mssg contents of morning mssgs to OM, planning to meet today to get an unneeded garlic planter (who plants in the rain?)

I anticipate a landslide of info now that tools are active. Text is her primary mode of communication, and there were at least 30 deleted txt last night to OM. In the task manager, her camera showed a snap of the edge of her nightstand with her light on, but the images were deleted already. Apparently sending late night selfies to OM.

WW is offering to go to OM farm to get straw for our chicken coop. I said I would rather just buy some elsewhere. I am not sure if I should have just kept my mouth shut and let her go get it.

You definitely want the court info before you do any exposure because you want to include that.

Yes. Actual court docs, newspaper articles, Boy scout docs for character reference to increase concern and urgency. Photos and text and geo data to document A should be here soon.

I told WW that I cancelled counselling due to her timing concerns. She thanked me for being considerate of her needs. I expressed that the cancellation did not change our need to work on M.

How do I know when I have enough evidence to expose?

A Pink Floyd line just popped into my head:
"The evidence before me is incontrovertible, there's no need for the jury to retire."