I think I'm going to sue Betty Crocker. It's all their fault.

I started making a cake today. I read half of the instructions, but it soon became apparent to me that they had written them for general use and not for my very special, unique circumstances. I quickly revised a few things to meet the needs of my situation.

I got some things out to do it. The recipe said that I needed 3 eggs. I only had one, and going to the store was very inconvenient. I decided just to use the one and a package of Egg Beaters.

I got out a bowl. It wasn't a mixing bowl like the instructions said. It was just a plain old soup bowl, but that should have been good enough. I mean, really, what do they want?

Since the cake takes so long to make and bake, and I didn't want to wait that long, I just kept dipping my spoon into the mix and eating it as I went along. I set the oven to 500 degrees and turned it on to preheat. I added 4 cups of olive oil and my eggs. The package said vegetable oil, but olive oil is so much better for you that I decided to substitute it.

I got out my electric mixer like the one pictured on the package and turned it on the highest level. (I mean, HELLO, I want this sooner than later!) Well, let me tell you, the stuff went flying EVERYWHERE! WTF were they thinking?! Since the mixer obviously wasn't working, I just got out a spoon and stirred my mixture a few times.

I poured the mixture into the exact pan size that they said, and it didn't even cover the BOTTOM OF THE PAN, so I transferred the batter to a smaller pan that was 3 inches deep. I like thicker cakes, anyway.

I put the pan in the oven, and go to watch some TV. Who wants to watch something bake? I have better things to do!

Well, 45 minutes later I go to check on my cake (cause it was NOT smelling good) and I notice black smoke everywhere! The batter had oozed all over the side of my pan and burning on the oven's heating element! The rest of the cake was completely charred, there's no way I can eat that. It doesn't even look like a cake.

The box DID say to only bake it for 25 minutes, but really, should that be MY responsibility? Shouldn't the cake just KNOW when it's done and stop baking? Come on, it's the 21st century.

So, here I am standing in the middle of a mess with a worthless burnt cake. My oven is almost ruined, I've got cake mixture on every surface in my kitchen, and I didn't get to have my cake, let alone eat it too.

I don't advise anyone here to buy Betty Crocker products. They are nothing but a fraudulent rip-off. Your kitchen could be ruined.

And I'm suing them. It's all their fault.

Bravo Pepper. Great analogy.

LOL....my favorite one was "The Boat".

Here is my original short story that was posted on EN over a year ago. I call it "A Tale of Two Takers".

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John and Kate bought a beautiful new boat. This boat was the most grand of all that they had seen. This boat was perfect for them, strong and sturdy. They were sure that it would last them the rest of their lives.

At first, they took almost obsessively good care of the boat. Kate would rub the seats with protectant each week. John always made sure the engine was properly taken care of. They worked together and the boat shined and was very reliable. They did this every week, then every other week; then they made sure to do it each month...

Winter was setting in, and it was Kate's job to make sure the boat was shrink-wrapped to winterize it; however, Kate really wanted to go to lunch with her friends that day. She was upset that she did it each year. That day, she decided that if he wouldn't do it, neither would she. So, she went to lunch and a movie with her friends and had a great time.

John noticed that Kate hadn't had the boat shrink-wrapped, and it made him angry. He knew that he could do it, but that wasn't the point. The point was that it was KATE's job to do it. So, he didn't do it, either. Kate was fuming that John didn't get the boat wrapped, but was not going to give in. She did it EVERY year and was not about to do it this year. She was getting very mad at John. She noticed rust beginning to show on the motor, but she decided that the motor was John's job. If he were doing his job, then he'd notice on his own.

John noticed that the boat didn't look as good as it used to. It didn't shine and it was showing signs of age. The upholstery was cracking and mold and mildew were obvious. He was angry and finally decided that if Kate wasn't going to do her job, then by God - neither would he. There were other things he wanted to do, too. So he spent his weekends watching sports and golfing and had a great time.

They went on like this day after day for what seemed like forever. Then one day they were out on their boat. Kate noticed water seeping in, and told John that they had a leak. John told her that the boat could not leak. It was made of very durable material and some water must have just splashed in the boat. Kate watched more and more water come in, and finally got John's attention. He couldn't find the leak, so he went to turn on the motor to get them to shore. The motor, however, would not start. It had not been serviced, oiled, or kept in good condition. This day it finally failed. That's when Kate and John realized that their boat was sinking.

There were 2 buckets in the cabin, so Kate told John to get them. He wanted Kate to get them. Finally, Kate went and came back with one bucket. John looked at her very exasperated. If she couldn't get HIM a bucket, too, then he didn't NEED a bucket. SHE could bail it herself. Kate figured if John wouldn't bail, then neither would she. It was HIS neglect that got them in this situation; therefore, he should bail first. John was steadfast that Kate should bail first. After all, she neglected her job in the first place, which made him not care about his. SHE started it.

The water was getting deeper. John relented and went and got his bucket. That way, he'd have it in hand to start bailing. BUT Kate would have to start. It was HER fault and HER problem. Kate decided since John went and got a bucket, she would wait for him to start bailing. HE had let the boat fall into such disrepair. He should bail all night; it was his just due.

Finally, the boat had enough water to seriously be testing Archimedes' principle. They looked at each other. Kate said, "I'll bail if you start. This IS your fault." John said, "My fault? You started it! You should bail first!"

And the boat sank. How silly to stand there in a sinking boat arguing over who should start bailing....