Oh, is that what happened? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

A question just occurred to me. If his mind has cut and pasted my face into memories of a burrito shack and burger joint, are there any other memories where an image of me has been conveniently used to cover unwelcome reminders? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The mind can be a funny thing...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> again at the thought.

Firstly, I dreamed wildly again last night, quite literally. (It was much worse than my dream from a couple of days ago where I was running around naked and not even trying very hard to find clothes.)

The star was a giant grizzly. That was it's official breed name, as well as an apt descriptor. It ate people, and was terrorizing a 12-story hospital. You can imagine I was very tired after hours of running and dodging, dashing up and down stairs and even scaling the pipes on the outside of the hospital to escape.

I may have to take a nap to recover from my night's sleep.

Anyway, I remembered an incident from early on in the A, when hardly anyone yet knew about it.

We have a good friend in Chicago, and she had gotten worried because every time she tried to call AJ & talk to him, he would say he had to go and that he would call her back, and then he would never call her back. For some reason.

I told her exactly what the problem was, and she was totally shocked that he would do something like that. I encouraged her to keep calling and get him to confide in her. He almost told her one day, while he was riding the commuter train, but chickened out and said that he had made a mistake, but couldn't talk about it right then.

Finally she tracked him down at home. He was pretty mad when I handed him the phone. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> There was no excuse not to talk to her, but he still couldn't bring himself to tell her. At last he thrust the phone at me, exasperated, and said, "Here! You tell her!"

I didn't expect that, but naturally acted as if she and I had not already been talking. "AJ has been," sniffle, "having an affair," catch in voice, "with another woman." WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! The bawling was genuine, BTW.

AJ felt even more hunted as he began hearing the loud, indignant exclamations issuing from the phone receiver. (Spanish is her first language, so she has that endearing lilt and talks very fast when she is agitated.) He said something along the lines of, "Good grief, it's not THAT big of a deal!"

The sobbing increased on my end, and the indignation from hers. "Of COURSE it's a big deal - you're having an affair with another woman!!!"

That dear friend was a comfort to me in the months to come. She wanted soooooo badly to have a crack at Gargamel, but I would not give her the information. I'm still not sure if I regret that one or not. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> It would have been very entertaining to see my little Mexican spitfire turned loose against the forces of evil.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> thinking about it.

Well, I had another alien sighting yesterday, that was a bit different from the others in that it happened on what I would consider my turf. I was on my way home from town (her turf), when I realized I had forgotten to stop and get chips (I typed 'ships' the first time, lol) for AJ's lunch.

I stopped at a little store at a crossroads that's only a couple miles from our lake, and off the beaten path. As I walked back out and around my car, the whish of a vehicle on the road made me look up, just in time to see the butt end of her auto disappearing into the sunset.

Well, I followed her just long enough to be sure she didn't take the other way in to the lake, but she turned off on a road that (among other things) is the back way into the overlook where AJ had taken her last March to "break up with her" in person.

Side note: If you have any doubts as to whether Dr. Harley is right about the WS's not breaking up in person, please heed the sad voice of experience. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER LET THEM TRY TO BREAK UP IN PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AJ seemed a little spooked when I told him, and he thinks she was probably following me. I couldn't swear she wasn't, but I think she came from another direction than I did. Even if it was coincidence, I still wonder why she was even over there so close.

Oh, one other thing as long as I'm on this subject, AJ was looking at the trailer for XMen3 the other day. It gave me a literal startle to see that it was coming out on Gargamel's birthday. I wonder if he even remembers? I doubt it; he has to think really hard to remember the kids birthdays, and I definitely don't want to ASK him if he remembers, or he will definitely remember. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'll be back later, since I have remembered 2 A incidents that I need to record before I forget again.

Believer is right, you will be surprised how much you are able to forget. Well, I haven't reached that point yet, but I'm surprised I have even been able to forget anything. A few of the smaller details are getting blurry after a year. Thank You, Lord!

Time to go take the butterfly net away from the Dervish. (Who said this morning that he missed Dillon, and added that in heaven, he wouldn't 'tortcher' him. Great, Dervish. I'm so glad to hear that....you hopefully won't tortcher the animals, either.)

In some ways it is sad for me if I read posts by Slammed, and others whose WS's show the grave disrespect of commnicating with the OP right in front of the BS. AJ did that all the time. I always knew it was her, whether it was phone, text messaging, or IM'ing.

While acknowledging that now I know there were things I could have done, I don't think I am being too hard on myself, either. I had not found MB yet, knew nothing about A's except what I witnessed myself, and the only information I had found online up to that point was for turning D's around, not turning A's around. Big difference.

The only advice I had found that seemed to apply, basically said don't argue with them, it's pointless to argue, just agree with everything, don't give them any excuse to blame you, and they won't know what to do.

And that worked up to a point. Yes, it is pointless to argue with an alien. But at the same time before it could all get better, I had to learn the art of confrontation. It is just uncomfortable even yet to look back and realize all the scores of opportunities I had for this, and didn't take them, only because I didn't know any better then.

So.....one of the times he was on the phone with her, I was getting very fed up at knowing and not being able to prove stuff. When he hung up and set the phone down, I picked it up and walked outside, hit redial, and waited till she answered the phone. "Hi," I said calmly, "is Uncle Ed there?" She sounded rather disconcerted as she kind of stammered that there was no one there by that name. Smoothly, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I must have the wrong phone number."

Almost faster than the speed of telekinesis, she had called AJ to complain to him that I had called her. Of course he scolded me a bunch, but I just played totally stupid since he thought I was anyway. Now my writer's imagination torments me with all the things I COULD have said. (And all the annoying things I could do to her even now and not get caught.)

Monday morning quarterbacking is my specialty, and how oh how I wish I had known more earlier.

If AJ ever went back into an A, he had better hope and pray I show him the mercy of filing immediately for D, instead of using the opportunity to practice all that I have learned. They would never know what hit them. Nuclear exposure, reverse babble, serene confrontation at every opportunity, and all at the first sign of trouble.

But learning is a process we all go through in our own ways, and none of us arrived on the A scene knowing everything. And it's not one event here or one event there that makes the difference, but the whole trend, and the overall direction you're aiming for. There won't be any one thing the BS can do to end the A, except just keep chipping away little by little, doing everything to make sure the A is not a comfortable place to be.

Sooner or later it will work.

Last night AJ triggered me without meaning to, and I doubt he will even remember what he did when I remind him.

I pushed one teeny tiny little button on his computer, that always works fine on mine, and the whole thing froze up in weird shapes. He fussed with it a while, then finally had to cut the power to reboot it.

He was not irritated even, and was just laughing at my techno talent, when he turned to me and said teasingly, "You could mess up a wet dream."

Instantly I was catapulted back to the Wednesday night we went to Tracy to take a uniform shirt to a new employee (this was before he started having Gargamel deliver them all <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />). He needed to get gas, but didn't have his bank card and blamed me. Of course.

I ended up having a card that worked, and put in $30 for him, but he continued to berate me all the way home. (It turned out to be his dumb fault anyway.) He just yelled and yelled, saying things like he didn't even like taking me anyplace now, because I always f****d everything up, couldn't keep track of anything, lost all his stuff, did a p***-poor job of managing the business, and worked up to his grand finale of, "YOU WOULD F*** UP A WET DREAM!!!!!"

I just sat there in the dark and cried. (A Cape of Power would have come in mighty handy about then, but I hadn't even started the fittings.) I had no clue what to say that wouldn't make things worse. So I kept sitting, and kept crying. Except fot the 4 hour tirade after I told him I knew he was still having sex with her, that was the longest and most vicious.

It takes a lot longer to tell than it does to flash in remembrance. I very quickly stifled all urges to maim and destroy, only staggering away with my mind shut down for a few moments. He called me back over, wanting me to play with him (um, games), and had no clue or recollection.

It must be nice to have blocked out so much.

I don't see any sense in bringing up all the details, unless he asks, but when I am calmer about it, I will at least express the thought that that particular phrase brings up some very bad memories, and perhaps he could try to refrain from using it. OR I REFUSE TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He is gone overnight working, so I have a little more time to type than usual. Right now I am listening to him unpack his toiletries.

Hope all of you are getting ready for a great weekend. Have you seen the KMart commercial where the little kids are running back and forth on the lawn, and the parents say to each other, "I thought you got the candy." "No, I thought you got the candy." And the kids keep running back and forth.

Those people know me. I demand royalties!

Which reminds me, I talked to a guy at Pacific Press today about the manuscript I submitted, and he says I should hear one way or the other in 3-4 weeks. The supense is almost over. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As long as I'm telling stories on AJ, I might as well tell a funny one. The other night he almost peed on me.

I had been up for a while, but crawled back in bed to snuggle and get warm, since he was sleeping in. All of a sudden his eyes opened, he sat bolt upright, and began barking orders. "Move! Get out of my way! Come on!" Then he ran into the bathroom.

Come to find out, he was dreaming. We women, being much more elegant, dream of toilets. Not AJ. He was walking out in the woods. Walking and walking. He came to a river and began to walk along the bank. Water, flowing rushing water. "Hmmmm," he thought, "I need to go pee, yes I do, and there is the river. How convenient."

Luckily he woke up a split second before he started to go, or he would have been in big trouble. If I even let him sleep in the house the next night, I would have put his blanket in the tub. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Guess who?

(((T&L))) & (((Neak))).
Neak, because that would have p*ssed me off too and T & L because it must be hard to hear your daughter's sad words.

Thank you for the hugs, TT. You know, I paused typing that last night so AJ & I could pray together over the phone, at his initiative.

Life is so different now. I feel like I have multiple personality disorder even thinking about the past. Or maybe I slipped through a wormhole into an alternate universe, a good universe.

But no. HE'S the one with MPD. HE'S the one with the wormhole. I am normal. I am sane. I never thought the A would end, by the end, and it's still surprising how much better everything is now that it's over.

I am normal. I am sane.

So true, and it has made all the difference in the world.

SS

No thanks for the frowny-face emoticons? You know, the ones with their mouths firmly shut, scowling in total silence, the epitome of control and restraint in the face of extreme provocation? Hm-m-m-mph. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Wonderful control and restraint. It never occurred to me it would provoke you, though.

SS, I keep having to remind myself that I'm sane, because some days it really feels like I fell into an episode of The Twilight Zone, then staggered out into real life a while later, somewhat the worse for wear.

Life is so normal most days it's hard to believe I didn't hallucinate the whole thing. Imaginary scars on my mind and heart. The air of unreality is just, well, unreal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Your trust and confidence in me is enormously touching--heartwarming, even...and entirely misplaced!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

A couple days ago, when I went to town, I went by the workplace where the A started, in order to return (another) one last thing, a small piece of equipment I found while cleaning.

The last time when I dropped the badges off the new building was nearly ready, so I figured they would be moving into it, and they had. What I didn't expect was the sight that met my eyes when I walked around the corner.

The old building, where it all started, was completely and totally gone. There was nothing left except mud and puddles. Completely razed to the ground, and only muck left behind. How appropriate!

(I did get a bit of a startle when I asked the unfamiliar, squat woman behind the counter, "What's your name? I don't recognize you." And she replied, "I'm Gargamel, but not the other one, heh heh." No kidding.))

I'm happy I saw that before I leave. It's too bad all A-genic buildings can't be torn down, but I don't suppose we'd have many left. (And it's probably too much to hope that her house and the Holiday Inn Express in Lodi get destroyed also. The store where she was working when the A renewed went out of business, though. Seriously, I had nothing to do with it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)

Hope all the rest of you are as fine and dandy as possible, and that you have a lovely day with your families, or friends, or at least yourselves. Trust me, you are better company to yourself than any WS can ever be to you, so on the chance that you are alone today, thank God that you are out of the chaos for a little while and enjoy the peace. Recovery will come soon enough and you need to save your strength for that.

{{{{{{{{MB Buddies}}}}}}}}}}

Today's Twilight Zone moment...as I walked out and put my hand on the mailbox, I just had the sudden feeling that there would be a notice of a certified letter from Certain People. There was a notice, but it didn't say who it was from. (Our postal workers are often lazy here.) It could be from her, or the state of CA, or the labor board. Anyway, it was weird.

Note to self: Tell about last night, but do it tomorrow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Additional note to self: Do not catch germs while caring for sick hubby. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Small note on the mystery certified letter: sadly, was too sick yesterday to ask or care where it came from, so I won't know for sure till Monday, but it was made out directly to AJ and most of the corporate items are made out to the corporation. So, we'll see.

Anyhoo, Wednesday night was one of the worst for AJ, before the antibiotics started kicking the little streptococcusbutts. He finally fell asleep about 9 or 10. I was restless, so I watched some TV and hung out here for a while till I thought I heard him call me.

He had indeed, having been awakened by a fresh bout of feverish chills. I petted him, soothed him, medicated him, watered him, petted him some more, and almost got him to doze off. Then, about midnight, just as I was finally getting drowsy, he decided to stagger in and take a shower to try and bring his fever down some.

So I pried my eyelids back open and accompanied him. Sorry, no reports of anything interesting in the marital bliss department, even if I were so crass as to use that to try and boost my ratings, lol. I just washed him down while he stood under the water and shook. Not very romantic.

When I was done, he leaned over onto me and said he was sorry for being so much trouble to me. I assumed at the time that he meant in general over the last year+, though I have since realized he could just have meant being sick and me waiting on him. I hope he meant the first, since I sweetly cooed, "I forgive you." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> At least he was too sick to remember much if I got it wrong. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Then last night, after he felt bad for not helping clean house, and seeing me drag my sorry self around in little spurts throughout the day, made me a giant bubble bath at bedtime, all for myself, while he had worship with the kids. That made some great love deposits, lemme tell ya.

Mom helped me to realize yesterday that I had neglected to share an interesting little anecdote from a few months ago. See, there's this wonderful kids' program on TBN called K10C, which is short for Kids' 10 Commandments. Apparently they only have 9 or 10 shows, each one illustrating a commandment.

Well, one of them popped up called Stolen Jewels, Stolen Hearts. I cannot stand to watch it, but of course the kids loooooooooved it, and watched it over and over and over and over and over and over again.

After completing it for the umpteenth time, my 9yo piped up, "Daddy, what's adultery?"

There was stunned silence for a moment, before the predictable response. "Um, ask your mother." He breathed a sigh of relief at his cleverness.

I know I stammered something, and it seemed to make sense to the 3 of them, but even with my brain temporarily frozen, a part of me was rofl at AJ's discomfiture, and it still makes me snicker every time I think of it.

Ack! They're watching it again!!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /><img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

The mystery letter was from the Labor Board. Whew! It's a relief to know I'm not psychic. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />