Call me euphoric, on an adrenalin rush, riding a faux 'honeymoon high'....whatever. It does not negate my present reality that my FWH's sarcastic, disdainful, condescending habits have given way to a man who, for the past 3 months has been apologetic, empathetic, loving, kind, thoughtful and everything I ever I wanted in a man. Our marriage has become the fairytale dream I never thought possible for the previous 30+ years.
Why? Rewind to the early 70's. I was 19, never had a boyfriend, was dating different guys and one of them said "God told me to marry you." Afraid of being left behind since my multiple crushes on guys always resulted in them thinking of me as their little sister, I said "OK".
Long story short, we married the following year, we spent 32 years gradually detaching, going through the motions, doing our own thing, keeping quiet to avoid fighting, etc.
Eventually, our detachment led to my H's EA and multiple Devastation Days (3), but 4 months after NC letter was emailed, my H started to emerge from the fog and its slimy tentacles loosened their hold on him.
He now says he began to see me in a totally different light (post-fog-illumination?) and he got depressed to the point that he did not want to wake up because seeing me reminded him of how badly he hurt me. He says it was if a demon propelled him into the affair and would not let go.
But through reading, praying, talking, counseling and gutting it out, the 'infidelity alien' has slithered away and my FHW has become inhabited by a new 'spirit' (committed to our renewed marriage). I'm sharing this to show that miracles do happen.
Over the past 3 months, I have really and truly fallen in love with this man, which I know sounds totally absurd. But he has become MR. ROMANCE, the man of my dreams, not the guy who said "God told me to marry you" whether we loved each other or not. After 32 years of thinking that it was probably a demon who told him to marry me, it's truly amazing we lasted this long.
The most important part of my husband's transformation is our commitment to God and desire to please Him and follow His principles. My husband is not quite ready to post on MB yet, but he is thrilled by the help I have received; his willingness to "do whatever helps me heal" is the biggest part of what seems too good to be true.
Another reason for writing this is to have a positive place to return to when things get rough in the future. I know this is probably too good to be true, but like Lousy Golfer suggested, I want to grab as much of the joy as possible to tide us through during the tough times ahead.
I also want to be an inspiration for others looking for MR. ROMANCE in books, videos, DVDs, theaters and on stage. I know my husbands affair was NOT planned by God, nor was it a good thing. But its result HELPED me (and us) look to God and inwards to ourselves for the answers. My "MR. ROMANCE" slowly evolved from the fog as we sought God's help in dealing with this major life crisis.
Edited to add: Chapter 6 has become chapter 7 and a new chapter 6 needs to be written now.
Last edited by Ace_in_bucket; 04/18/07 02:50 PM.