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Speaking from your husband's point of view, the pain of an affair is blinding, sharp, and the scars do not go away.

I know - that has probably been the harding thing to deal with ... that I hurt the man I love so much so deeply. That has been absolutely the hardest thing to accept about myself during this process.

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At times I feel as if I have Bipolar disorder, because the love/hate emotions swing frequently.

He seems to as well! One minute he's asking if I still love him, the next saying he has to go and is angry. I am trying my best to be supportive, understanding, and quiet when those times arise.

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Do not make yourself a doormat. Doing that makes you seem needy and being needy is not what attracted him to you in the first place. Be there for him, be available to meet his emotional needs, BUT DO NOT TURN YOURSELF INTO A SLAVE.

It is so hard not to do this, but over the last week I have slowed down on doing just for him. I still do for the family - laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. But I have made fewer efforts to do things just for him.

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Stay in Plan A but don't be a panting little puppy following him around looking for the slightest bit of affection.

Again, this is difficult. But you are right. He is certainly more attentive when I seem self-sufficient and happy in my own right.

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You do need to stop apologizing for what you have done; those are the type of words that if said too often, start sounding hollow and rehearsed. As my Pastor, Eric Olsen from Hudson, WI has said time and time again; "Not by words, by deeds."

I agree. I have made sure not to apologize over and over and over again. I do apologize when discussions of the A come up, but I don't just keep saying how sorry I am. He asked me to quit saying "I love you" too. So I decided the best way that I could show that I am sorry and that I love him is through my actions. Let's hope he notices!

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I commend you on your efforts to save your marriage, and only wish my wife would do even 1% of what you are doing. She HAS moved out. She is STILL talking divorce. She STILL spends her free time off gallivanting instead of spending it with our children, and her cell phone is morphed into her body, whether it be text or calls.

I never wanted to lose my H or my M. I wanted his attention ... I should have looked for another way to get it though. I will be praying that your W comes out of the fog soon and realizes what she's missing out on.

Thank you so much for your kind advice. I am just going to plan A the heck out of him over the next 3 months and hope he changes his mind. But he's already told people he's getting a D and that concerns me. It seems like a lot of his decision to leave is ego ... understandable, since I shot it. But I told him the other night: "Its not up to your friends. Your friends can only tell you what THEY would do. They are not you and cannot tell you what you should do. Only you know what will make you happy and what you are willing to do."

Last night he told me that he was upset because he thinks that I feel like he just gave up and he feels like he tried. I told him that if he feels in his heart that he really gave it a shot, then that's ok. He quickly said something about it not being ok because it really matters what I think. I think he gave up ... but it is ultimately his choice to stay or go.

Sorry my posts are always so darn long. Thanks for "listening".


Happily Recovered from Double Infidelity! \:\)
DD1[about to turn 7]
DD2[due at X-mas]