TforC,

I think you might want to do some checking to see if he is having an affair. However, in my time here I have seen many people especially men, that have felt that their W's affair was a personal condemnation of them as men and husbands. I would also guess that since you felt lonely and not loved and he travels so much he may feel he cannot give you what you need. But, even more than that, I have heard it said here that divorce allows them to start over.

I realize you don't want the divorce to happen. But, also realize that you had the A with his best friend, and OM's W knows of it. Thus it is likely that many of his friends and acquaintances are aware of your A or he feels they are. Now the issue is how does he look in their eyes? You could rightly point out that what others think is not an issue.

But, the man just lost his best friend (you) and he lost his closest male friend OM, so how he looks to others may be more important that usual.

I do hope you call the Harley's even if he will not be around. They are very good and they can offer you insights and approaches that can be very useful to you.

Hang in there, he is in a period of flux. If you plan A him, speak kindly to him, and use the power of touch, this may will turn around. I guess I should mention touch. Women do it all the time to one another, but men don't often allow contact with another person. Therefore, when you put your hand on his, or on his arm as you talk to him, it WILL have an affect on him. He may pull away because he understands the affect your touch has, yes it is positive, but it may make him feel vulnerable.

Give the Harley's a call. I think they can offer you more than we can here.

God Bless,

JL