Follow Dr. Harley's advice closely. I'm relieved nothing I said even looks to be at odds with what he told you. I said couples counseling, he said counseling together. Same concept.

Your husband's adultery does look, at first blush, like a revenge oriented thing. It could be an emotional detachment, being set adrift emotionally by the thought of your adultery, but in the end, it's all much the same to me.

Please tell us why you hesitate to call the OW. She very probably WILL lie. So what? You see, the call will be a way of ramping up the pressure on a fantasy your WH and she may have been developing. I suspect Dr. Harley may have recommended the call to elicite information (to the extent the OW is willing to be truthful), but it's also to put the OW on notice that you're in there fighting for your WH and things won't be so rosy in their fantasy world.

Hang in there.