I must say that I am still focused on me, but I have also been focused on ending his A so that we can begin to repair our M. Would you then suggest that I just ignore the fact that he's been in an A and only work on me? I think that in order to rebuild the M I have to both end his A and work on myself. I will agree that it was wrong of me to judge the school teacher after what I did. (Btw - she told my H that I was really nice and they should feel bad for talking crap about me.) I have not once forgotten that we wouldn't be in this mess if weren't for my poor choices and selfish behavior. As far as my judgments about him as a father, I feel that I have every right to let him know when his behavior affects our DD. There were a lot of signs that it was affecting her that I haven't discussed here. After talking to his mom, she and I both felt it was important to let him how his behavior was affecting DD and encourage it to change. Which he has done, and I am very grateful for that.

So, if I were your W (and you hadn't left me yet) what would you look for to feel safe? to feel like it might be worth working on? to not run out and get a D?