Why would you think it would be an LB for you to sympathize with the emotional turmoil your husband goes through meeting or being confronted with the XOM? Love Busters are defined as selfish demands, disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, annoying habits, independent behavior, and dishonesty. I don’t see any of that in you saying something disrespectful of the XOM and letting your husband know whatever he does about the unwanted contact is okay with you.

What you say makes sense, and I know you must be careful at all time to not appear manipulative. But I don’t think he’d necessarily read it that way. I sure wouldn’t. I believe if he were to hear you reinforce your (previously stated?) dislike of the XOM and hear you wonder why XOM is bothering your husband, I think it would tend to encourage your husband to think of you two as a couple – us against them, as it were. I’m sure you can find the words to get your idea on this across to him.

You could even reinforce the whole thing later, depositing even more in his love bank. If he suggests he might do something to cut off the contact, you can let your husband know you know you can rely on his judgment…you might even be able to (honestly) cheer him on in what he intends to do. If things go well in the conversation, perhaps you could even restate the idea you feel you both need XOM out of your lives permanently.

What do you think of all this?