Has he hit a plateau or is some other dynamic at play here? I agree he may be getting comfortable in a new attitude, but is this the first sign of it? Are there any other red flags?

It does happen though. It’s that “path of least resistance” thing we humans fall prey to so often. If things are going along (apparently very smoothly), folks are inclined to protect that status and not upset the apple cart. Most people will “go along to get along” for a long, long time if they’re not jarred out of that behavioral pattern.

You’re right, TFC, in many ways the WS (unfortunately) IS in complete charge of the recovery and it proceeds on the WS's pace...up to a point.

Question: What is the significance of school being out and why would that have any bearing on discussing the relationship? Is there any chance of a hidden agenda there?


Would you remind the forum how long you've been in Plan A, TFC.

It may be about time you set some boundaries in your relationship, like, "If I wanted a friend, I’d go chat with the counter waitress down at IHOP," or something like that. You don't have to accept rewritten history either. If he's incorrect about that agreement, you can find a courteous way to give him your side. It’s no LB to be forthright that you are in this for the marriage and not a friendship, even one with benefits.

You can see where this might be heading, right? If he can't get off the dime (I seem to be thinking in clichés today, don't I?) someday relatively soon, it may be necessary to start a Plan B, TFC. Dr. Harley has said Plan A works on its own only about 15% of the time. That means most recoveries have to go to Plan B, unfortunate as that is.

Now, filter all the above through your personal knowledge of your husband and his thought patterns. Is he just in a mood? Did something he saw on TV spark something in his mind and he needs to show some independence or something like that?

Pick your battles carefully, TFC. If he's just going through one of the low points in the roller coaster ride, that's one thing. If he's becoming entrenched in a new, independent lifestyle, that's a horse of a different color. Can you do a little clinical, detached evaluation for us? Make sure this is a bump, not a mountain, okay?