Well said, TFC! It sure is easy to tell the bitter ones among us, isn't it, TFC? A good rule of thumb is to note which posters resort to personal attack in order to get their points across. That’s them…the unpleasant ones. The ideas of Christian forgiveness and redemption are completely foreign to them and they can’t help but reveal themselves in time.

On the other hand, most folks have actually read your earlier posts and noted your remorse at the affair you have also completely “owned.” Most everyone has seen that you, when you came to your senses, did exactly what every betrayed spouse out here would give their right arms for their wayward spouse to have done. Most folks try to assist those in need instead of mocking them, don’t they?


Not calling WH or texting (I can’t believe that’s actually a verb) him is one of the techniques in a good 180. Are you practicing already? It’s had an effect already, huh? That’s good, but I’d caution against reading too much into it. Remember, he began appearing to come closer to you when he was away last time. Beware of overreacting.

First things first. You need that program Orchid asked you about. I’ve been talking “plan” for a long time and I must apologize for not seeing you didn’t have as good a one as I assumed you did. The false recovery also threw me off and I’m very sorry I didn’t see well enough through the trees to discern the forest, to coin a pompous little phrase. A solid strategy of what you’re going to do, what boundaries you will enforce, what he must commit to, whether to extend Plan A, when to go to Plan B, etc., etc., are all good things to address.

Side note: TFC, you mentioned at one time you wanted to write him letters (and maybe text him?) while he’s away on these trips. I personally don’t like letters...because they are a kind of detached, disconnected (as it were) means of communication. I like face-to-face interaction.

BUT...Dr. Harley has remarked that in some instances, letters, telephone calls, (and text messages I presume, though he didn’t specifically mention them) can better simply because the wayward spouse isn’t ready for the intensity of a personal conversations. I note your husband “gets closer” to you when he’s on a road trip. So…I wonder if you might consider reviving that idea and try to communicate some things you can’t say in person through a letter you sneak into his luggage or something like that? We’ve discussed he’s not ready for too much relationship stuff, but I wonder if he were to read about some areas related to that, but not quite on that topic? It’s a raw idea. Can you add something to it? Whatcha think?

Comments Orchid, Mulan, Melody, et al? Mrs. W., your input would be highly valued, as would Dorry’s if you happen to know whether she’s still around.