We cross-posted.

TFC, if your heart and mind are not in sync, take the time you need to get them together. Use your IC as a resource and your girlfriend there you've spoken of before. Talk to family. We'll be here to support you too. You can see the tragedy of wanting something too badly in spite of what your eyes see, right? Orchid's post mentioned that too and, regretfully, Sadmo's thread illustrates the concept. Take your time and sort this out, okay? This is not going to be easy but you WILL get through it, Lady.