Just my 2 cents here TFC... when you stop feeling like a victim in this situation.... you will stop being a victim. Your H not believing the "hype" yet is normal... and he shouldn't until it is proven to him.
Your H should not have had an affair... not because it hurt you...but because it hurt him. You got bit by the very snake that you invited into your M... sad but true. But I doubt very highly that his friends would give a rats butt if they thought he had an affair of his own.
I still think that your wavering as to how to handle this and your lack of patience (last week you posted that you were going to plan B and then changed the post) is a detrement to you here. Remember that a FWS or WS is no bargain for a partner. There are easier roads out there for any BS to take than to deal with the baggage that an affair brings to a marriage.
Your H is testing you... in some ways you are doing well... but in my opinion, in the one area where you need to stand tall, you are falling short... patience. You get opinions here TFC... but find something off when he is getting opinions from those he trusts. And you say that opinions don't belong on your marriage (yet I suspect that would only include opinions that YOU don't agree with) and you end your post with ... an opinion from one of his friends.
Most likely you will continue to dismiss any criticism of your handling of things...and obviously that is your right...but I will again ask you as to why the majority of vets are ignoring your thread...is it because your situation is so perplexing that they can't help you... or is it something else...attitude.
Just my thoughts.


Others would strongly disagree with me on this... but I don't look at you as a BS... I know your H had an affair...but the only betrayals that I see are...

Your affair.
His betraying his own morals.

What I do see is a FWW that has been bitten by the very thing that she invited into her M. I liken it to having a fight... don't blame the other person for punching you in the nose after they have absorbed punches from you. In that case... even though you have a bloody nose, you are not the victim, but the instigator. Would it have been better for your H to turn the other cheek and not hit back.... yep... it would have allowed him to remain on the moral high ground. But how it impacts the person that brought this into the M in the first place, IMO, does not rise to the level of betrayal.

TFC... I do not see any attacks on you in these posts. Read them again... do you think there is value in what is being said??? Show me where the personal attacks are. In the second one, I gave you my opinion that I do not think your H's offense rises to the level of betrayal... is there an attack in offering that opinion??
In the first post... I give you my impression of how you come across....you may not agree with what I said but that does not mean you have been attacked... no matter what the enabler that has been posting to you has pointed out. I was here early on in your thread and saw firsthand the reaction of the long time vets here to both your situation and your attitude. If you want someone that is just going to pat you on the back and say good job... LH is the poster for you. I will let you know when I FEEL you have done a good job and when you have screwed up. If patience is not your strong suit does that mean you shouldn't be called to the carpet for your lack of it??? No.
I do think it is sad and a shame that your M is going through this right now. What I have tried to get you to focus on from the beginning... as the other vets did... is that your H is wounded and in need of patience and caring. No one will ever accuse me of being soft on a WS.... NEVER... but if you step too roughly with your H I would venture a guess that you will wind up pushing him further away. Like it or not... you are being tested by him.
You obviously want this to work... I suggest you do as your title suggests and be more open to any suggestions that might be helpful. At the end of the day, I really don't care if you take my advice or not. The punk that discredited my advice and then cried when I told him to fo thinks his way is the only way... I say... as I have said a million times on this board... we are a choir and all have a role....keep your eye on the lyrics and the melody will come to you....
I would venture a guess though that since I do not often suggest patience with a situation, that when I see the need for it, you might want to at the very least consider that to be sound advice.
If you would like me to bow out of your thread, just say so. I invest my time and energy here and can do so elsewhere if my views are not wanted.