Things are moving slowly on the board this afternoon and evening huh? I'll take a shot at this and let others fill in with their ideas later on.

I don't know of a thread out here that talks about an outline of a strategy, per se. We all take our cue from SAA and determine guidelines based on doing a Plan A for "X" amount of time...then do a reality check...Plan B for “Y” amount of time...another check...Plan D, if the worst case scenario plays out.

In your case, TFC, I think a good program for you would be similar to the above. It’s complicated by the fact you’re pretty sure WH has established NC but he hasn't moved forward from that point. But, I don’t think it’s complicated beyond the point where you aren’t able to apply most of Dr. Harley’s principles.

Figuring out what to do if WH does this, if he does that, if he fails to do something...and so a pretty smart thing to do. For instance, here are three options off the top of my head about Plan A. Your plan can say you’re going to do your modified Plan A for:

1. As long as you can stand the stress
2. Or until (insert date)
3. Or until it’s clear the point of diminishing returns has been reached.

You should be thinking of how you can steel yourself to ensure you don’t end Plan A prematurely. When you think about “as long as you can stand the stress,” you have to take into account the fact you’re getting very few deposits to your Love Bank. You can explore in your mind what signals your (subconscious mind?) will give you when that point is reached. How will you feel? How will you know when your LB is getting dangerously low?

On the other hand, if you select a firm date, as one should do with a Plan A in a normal situation, the date should be considered very carefully. There should be clearly identifiable reasons for selecting the date.

If you commit to carefully analyzing the status of reconciliation to identify a point of diminishing returns, you’ll be observing the highs and low points blending into each other over a period of time, reserving a decision for a time when you detect a downward trend that isn’t going to be recoverable. I think this would take a little detached observer analysis.

Okay, those are just examples.

Beyond getting a fair idea of what you want to do for the foreseeable future, I think a good strategy would include considering how you’ll react to unforeseen crises.

For example...and only for the purposes of illustrating what I mean…you could do some preliminary reflection about what to do if you find out about an OW #2. The questions you could ask yourself would be something like, “Would you be willing to go back to square one and start all over?” If so, for how long? Etc., etc. I’m sure you can think of some other crisis situations and getting even a hazy idea of what you should do if any of them occur will give you a head start.

Of course, those crisis points need not be as devastating as all that. They need not be negative at all. Actually, one of the “crisis points” you consider should also be what you would do if WH suddenly has an epiphany and wants to begin working hard on the marriage. It’s here that your boundaries come into focus and you’ll need to have them clear in your mind. (Were I you, one of those I’d insist on would be a commitment to MC so you and he can both heal from the transgressions in your marriage. He doesn’t have to be enthusiastic about it, per se, but he needs to commit to working with the MC and you instead of being a bump on a log in the sessions.) Please always remember to get POJA on as many things as you can.

Pressing on with the strategy, I don’t think you can continue even a modified Plan A indefinitely. Actually, trying to do that will be self-defeating in the long run. Your nerves were pretty frayed last week and it can happen again.

In fact, as I read your posts these past few days, I was struck by the fact that since you’ve done a darn good Plan A, a Plan B is going to have a maximized effect on WH. I know you look on Plan B as an ending, but it is actually a very powerful tool in your hands to bring your husband out of hiding from within the WH. You’ve shown him how really cool you are, handling all of this, a job and a child too. His friends are noticing too. If you go dark with those images in his mind, there’s going to be a big, dark hole in his life and he’s going to want to fill it back up with that cool lady and her daughter.

I think you should have a contingency plan for Plan B, TFC. How would you break it to him? How would you pass your daughter to him for visitation? Is it necessary to file for legal separation? Etc., etc. Consider these things now, while you’re not angry or upset and you’ll be able to react that much better if and when the time comes.

I sincerely hope don’t have to implement a Plan B, TFC, but you need to fix it in your mind it may be necessary because the current state of your marriage cannot continue indefinitely. You would wind up hating him bitterly and it would affect your daughter too.

So...does this give you a place to start?