Sorry for being so tardy responding. I've been researching an answer for another poster.

Well, I think MEDC was factually incorrect in saying the MB "vets" were avoiding you. It's demonstrably untrue. Orchid, for instance, is one of the site's finest pros and she's been here for you from time to time. The fact is, I think it's fairly routine that someone becomes a primary poster to a new arrival and other long-term MB’ers observe but don’t post. When a "vet" (I hesitate to use that term for myself. I’m not sure it’s legitimate.) is working with a new arrival, others don't constantly join in the conversations unless they see something being missed.

For myself, if I go to a thread and someone is working with the individual, I read and absorb, but I don't take the risk of interfering by making anything more than a “thumbs up” comment…and even that is a thing seldom done. Posting a comment that doesn’t say anything different what’s already been advised isn’t productive, so most of us don’t do it.

Take a look at the number of times someone has accessed your thread. Lots of folks are looking but few are posting. That’s pretty normal. You’re getting a “peer review,” if you want to speak of it that way, but it’s a silent one.

If you think any of this is unusual, take a look at losinit’s thread. I’m also the primary poster there of late…and he’s not even in your same situation. There are exceptions to this, TFC, and these are only my observations, but I think if you were being given invalid suggestions, someone would make it clear where I was being stupid. For instance, I guarantee you my friend Melody would cut me off at the knees if she thought I was giving you bad advice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Now, let’s go back to the lack of demonstrable affection from your husband right now. I know that hurts. I’ve lived with it myself. That is probably something that is going to come around very slowly. Frankly, I think it may be sometime during MC that the situation begins to resolve itself. Your husband has not yet recovered from your affair, even as you haven’t fully recovered from his. I keep hitting the issue of MC and it’s because I see it as the most critical thing you two must do to heal.

I think MC for you two is especially important because the recommended solutions in SAA (15 hours a week of quality time, for instance) are things that are difficult to do because of your husband’s job. It simply keeps him on the road far too often. I know, I know. That was part of the deal when you married him and it’s not going to change. Still, I regret it. I think the only way you can combat this is to make weekends the best they can be, while understanding your daughter needs time with him too. And stuff gets in the way sometimes too.

But…MC will be worthless until your husband is ready for it and it’s still early to be expecting it. Stay strong and work on the other issues that will make your marriage stronger when recovery is complete, okay?

In the meantime, I can suggest you give your daughter extra hugs whenever you can and use the love she gives you to get past this time. It’s not the same, but it sure fills the void. I got through a lot of hard times back in the day because my daughters and I were so close.