The roller coaster goes up in one stretch; the roller coaster goes down in another, TFC. I was beginning to wonder when something like this would happen because my experience is the course of any human being's recovery is never a straight-line progression. What you need to do right now is remember all the progress you made over the past couple of weeks and bring all the good, and all the bad, events into one coherent context.

Take a deep breath now and let it out. Repeat. Things are never quite as bleak as you think while you're going through the event.

Talked to your best friend lately? Remember what you last relayed from her? Remember her asking where that young woman she used to know had gone? Remember the incident earlier that day, or the previous day, where your husband was irritated when you wouldn't speak up for yourself? Remember how good you felt when you did blurt out what was bothering you?

TFC, when he started in on you, it was disrespectful, and you had a perfect opportunity to restate your boundary on manipulation and disrespect. A 180 opportunity was thrust on you without warning. Stunned you, didn’t it?

I sympathize. It’s easy for me to advise you from long distance; I’m not the one who has to feel the raw emotions and feel the blood drain from my face in shock when the attack comes out of the blue, do I? Except that I’ve been there too, TFC. I know what happened to you and I’m so sorry you had to go through it.

From this point forward, TFC, I think you must prepare yourself in advance for the possibility of such setbacks coming at you without warning. Preparation is the key. Think about what you’ll do and say the next time it happens. When it comes at you, state your boundary and unwillingness to be manipulated. Keep your wits about you, TFC. Remember what that girl your best friend would have done there, okay? Use some of Orchid’s reverse babble if he brings up divorce again if you have a good RB response…then turn around and walk away from it. It won’t do any good to stand and argue about it. You won’t change his attitude; he has to do that for himself.

Okay, your hubby may be acting as I’ve seen other WS’s act when they break NC. The possibility must be considered…but I hope I’m wrong. I hope the fact she was in the same city may just have created some stress in your husband that only added to the highly stressful time frame you say he’s going through and he boiled over. It could be as simple as that. Let’s hope it is. Unless you ask him (calmly and ready to hear what he says one way or the other), TFC, you’ll never know. I’ll ask again. Where’s that young lady your best friend was missing?

I forget. Are you looking at his cell phone records on line? Has there been any activity there? Has he been taking (or making) phone calls in private lately? Any red flags other than a bad attitude lately? Gather all the information you can so you can make as good a determination as possible, okay?

BTW, to finish off something you said just yesterday, “Hot and sweaty,” is usually man-speak for what you’d rather he’d have said.

Okay, time for me to shut up and let others talk to you. I don’t often ask people directly to do certain things because I AM just an amateur out here. I’m going to break my rule this one time, TFC. Bluntly, I would like you to bring up these issues with your IC and get feedback from your best friend too.

What I see, as have others, is you can work on yourself in this area as a part of your Plan A and it’ll be beneficial even if your husband does keep on threatening divorce. Stay strong, TFC. This is a rough spot, but you will get through it. Don’t LET yourself go spinning through life, okay?