My 2 cents.
Sit your H down. Communicate your wishes clearly and consisely. Let him know that while both of you have made mistakes that have brought you to this point that there must be change NOW. Let him know that although you cannot force him to change, that you will enforce your own personal boundaries.
Since you have issue with being a bit controlling, I would run those boundaries by the board first. We can ehlp you edit out some of your "tendancies."
Let him know that you love him, that he is safe with you now, that you want to work on repairing all the damage that has been done to your relationship.
Too much time is passing with no real change. I know patience is not your strong suit... so, a plan is in order to communicate your boundaries. It would be good if you can get him to come here and post. He most certainly has a lot of residual hurt and anger over your A... and I know he has lashed out at you with his behaviors. But I think he loves you and wants this to work... I just don't think he feels safe and I know his self esteem has taken a huge hit.

So, before going to plan B make sure you have communicated exactly what you want and what you are willing to do to get there. Be ready to go dark... and DO NOT USE YOUR DAUGHTER as a weapon against him... he needs to see her regularly (I only say this because a lot of women pull this stunt).

So... TFC, what's the plan for right now?