Making sense? You bet you are. I don't know how long it's been going on, but I think WH has been systematically putting fences between you and the rest of his life for a while now. I don’t know if the compartmentalization began before your affair or not, but I strongly suspect it started quite a while before you became aware of it on a conscious level.

I was pretty sure he was going to be conciliatory yesterday evening. It’s a behavioral pattern of his and he’s fairly predictable in that area. You and your best friend have nailed it on his attitudes when he’s close to you and when he’s on the road. I pick option (3) as the primary problem, but (1) and (2) may be contributing to the difficulties. Were I you, I’d search the web for the signs of drug addiction (including alcoholism) and see if they match.

Getting the issue of compartmentalization, as a symptom of his inappropriate behavior, into the discussion with your MB is critical, I think. WH’s holding himself aloof from you, and the marriage, is extraordinarily destructive and something/someone must get that through to him…and soon.

Hang in there, lady.